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addendum to "love them like your own"

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 Still have many many ladies swearing they lovem like their own. Even getting insulted.

But yet, every single day on this forum we are littered with posts about how many SM's used to love them like their own.....until they entered their teens and now they are using this forum to help teach them how to disengage.

Not to mention all the blabber about how you would NEVER let your taxes go to pay your husbands arrearages for these children you love like your own. Fucked up huh?

Then lets add in the fact that the same women answering the other post will not pitch in a dime towards a college fund for the shitty teens they are going to hate and disengage from someday.

Post after post after post in this forum and others like it, fly's in the face of this "Love them like my own" statement that gets thrown around.

In fact......there isnt alot of any kind of love for these children on this forum. Not the kind a REAL parent would have.

Older and wiser voices can always help you find the right path, if only you are willing to listen. - Jimmy Buffet
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 2:18 PM
Replies (21-30):
JustaSM231
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:22 PM
Okay, once again, I have to explain that I did not mean that to be smart ass or sarcastic. I was asking an honest question to get an honest reply. I have NEVER once said I love my skids as my own. I have said I love them like family, like my MIL or my FIL or my nieces and nephews. I treat them with kindness and respect. I do financially support them and work a second part time job to help pay for extras like band trips, music lessons, and educational trips. I don't understand the need to attack when I asked a question to find out this person's beliefs on how responsible a SM is to a step child. Sorry if this wasn't the place to ask, but I figured since it started to be discussed in general, I would jump in and ask. I have seen others get slightly off topic in follow up posts. That's all I was doing.


Quoting whatIknownow:




Quoting JustaSM231:

So what would you have SM do? I am curious. I love my skids like family. I have no kids of my own. I am not trying to be my skids mother. They have one. That being said, do you think a SM must remain aloof from skids but still bend over backwards to financially support them? I am curious exactly what role you would have SM play?



Another one who can't see the vast continent of distance between "love them like my own" and "want nothing to do with them."

how about... oh, I don't know... love them like your stepchild?


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newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree.

I don't have kids. I have NO idea what it feels like to love "my own". I'm quite sure it's an indescribable feeling that you only feel for YOUR OWN. 


baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:25 PM

 God....even a non-mom understands this concept. But you always have been quiet intelligent. Its like people a wearing stoopid pants today. That or they are just trying to bicker and they are literally creating things that I have not even spoken about. So retarded.

Quoting newwife1:

I agree.

I don't have kids. I have NO idea what it feels like to love "my own". I'm quite sure it's an indescribable feeling that you only feel for YOUR OWN. 

 

 

Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:27 PM
Exactly. I dont have children of my own. So for me it's a moot point for me to love my soon to be stepkids like my own.

Quoting newwife1:

I agree.

I don't have kids. I have NO idea what it feels like to love "my own". I'm quite sure it's an indescribable feeling that you only feel for YOUR OWN. 


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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I stated it wasn't talking about you because I have never seen you say you love your bf kids like your own so you putting yourself first is perfectly acceptable, but when someone says I love that child like my own but I put myself or my kids first before them. It's not that I have a problem with someone putting themselve or their kids first (I would do the same thing), but don't say you love them like your own in practically the same breath.


Quoting Amy1973Potts:

You are something else.

Quoting soonergirl980:

And there is the difference between a REAL parent and a Step Parent. My kids come before me and if your sk's don't come before you then you do not love them like their own.

General you I don't think I have ever seen Amy say that she loves them like their own.



Quoting Amy1973Potts:

No. Not really. At least not to me. If their parents want them to go to college, I cant imagine they would expect me to chip in. I can be supportive in other ways. I make less than 12k a year. I have me to think of first, regardless of how I feel about his kids. Cant take care of ME, cant take care of anyone else.



Quoting baparrot2:

 But you see, I agree. But it flys in the face of someone who is screaming that they love them like their own now doesnt it Amy?



Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Last time I checked, financial responsibility fell to the parents. SP can chip in if they want, but it is in no way a requirement. That is putting a price on love, or rather, buying it. And that is twisted.



Quoting baparrot2:



 




Quoting Amy1973Potts:

How does love equal financial responsibility? Really?



 Loving them like your own does.



 






leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:39 PM
1 mom liked this

The stepparents I know who do love them like their own, pay just the same as they would for their own and legally they have that responsibility even if they divorce. Even if some stepparents aren't genuine about their love it does not prove that there are those who are.

LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I love my SD very much. I would do and have done just about anything for her. I don't think I love her like my own. At one time I did think that, but that was before I had my own children. Maybe those that have always raised their skids and if there is no bm can honestly say that. I can't say that. I would never tell her that the love is not the same. She knows i love her and i am always here for her. There is no love like the love for your own child.
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newwife1
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:47 PM

A lady I worked with has 2 bios and 3 stepkids, all adults with their own kids now.

She got married 25 years ago, the skids were around 10-14 years old. Bio mom has been in a mental institution since the kids were toddlers. She is legally insane and cannot function in any way. She doesn't even know she has kids. Dad raised them alone for years then he met my friend and got married.

She was a mother to those kids in every single way. Really the only mother they ever knew. They rarely visited their mom because it was traumatic since she had no idea they were her kids and such.

She loves her skids to death. Loves her grandchildren to death, they call her grandma, she IS their grandma.

Yet she has told me as much as she loves her skids and everyone, including her, consider her to be their mother it's still different than the love she has for her bio children. As much as she loves them, it's not the same as her own kids.

Just an example...


Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:47 PM
I technically can't say it. I don't have children. Just bc you haven't seen me say it means nothing.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I stated it wasn't talking about you because I have never seen you say you love your bf kids like your own so you putting yourself first is perfectly acceptable, but when someone says I love that child like my own but I put myself or my kids first before them. It's not that I have a problem with someone putting themselve or their kids first (I would do the same thing), but don't say you love them like your own in practically the same breath.



Quoting Amy1973Potts:

You are something else.



Quoting soonergirl980:

And there is the difference between a REAL parent and a Step Parent. My kids come before me and if your sk's don't come before you then you do not love them like their own.

General you I don't think I have ever seen Amy say that she loves them like their own.




Quoting Amy1973Potts:

No. Not really. At least not to me. If their parents want them to go to college, I cant imagine they would expect me to chip in. I can be supportive in other ways. I make less than 12k a year. I have me to think of first, regardless of how I feel about his kids. Cant take care of ME, cant take care of anyone else.





Quoting baparrot2:

 But you see, I agree. But it flys in the face of someone who is screaming that they love them like their own now doesnt it Amy?




Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Last time I checked, financial responsibility fell to the parents. SP can chip in if they want, but it is in no way a requirement. That is putting a price on love, or rather, buying it. And that is twisted.




Quoting baparrot2:




 





Quoting Amy1973Potts:

How does love equal financial responsibility? Really?




 Loving them like your own does.




 








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MamaMoopsie
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:52 PM

 Oh, I'm not miffed with you. Sorry, if I gave that impression. Am I upset by other posters? Sometimes. I try to look at each one as a case by case scenario.


Quoting baparrot2:

 You are the exact opposite of the type SM I am talking about. Which is why, if I were you, I wouldnt be miffed with me, I would be more inclined to be miffed with the posers in front of you not doing the work you do and not willing to do anything for their skids and still say they love them like their own. Isnt it them you should be annoyed with? I am basically agreeeing with you. You are raising your SD. I would hope you would strive to love her like your own.

Quoting MamaMoopsie:

I answered your other post as well, and I can see what you're saying. It still doesn't apply to me. I come onto this forum and sometimes I do bitch about SD but not because I don't love her but because even though I am her primary caregiver...hell, somedays it seems like I'm her primary parent, there are still road blocks in our lives that come from me not being her biological mother. Mostly, though, I use this forum as a place to vent about BM and her "I don't give a damn" attitude towards SD.

My SD is already going into puberty (she'll be 10 in a month) and she's getting the attitude, the defiance, and everything else, but  don't think I'm going to ever want to disengage from her because even when she's being snotty and rude she wants me and she still needs me to help guide her and correct her when she's really out of line. I remember being a teen and being hateful and willful and rude. I know it passes. We have college funds set up for all of our children, and yes, that includes SD. We have life insurance policies for both my DH and I in which all four (soon to be five) children will get equal shares of. I spend any money I make on all of the kids not just on my biological children.

 


 

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