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"LOVE 'EM LIKE YOUR OWN" a S/O of sorts

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 In one of the previous posts, adoption was brought up and something along the lines of "how can you say a woman/man cannot love children they did not create as their own?  What about adoption?  Are you saying they love their bios more?"

The simple answer is: No.  Nobody was saying adoptive parents do not love their children as their own.  When you adopt you become the parent.

Adoption means an absence of the biological parent.  It means all decision making powers-- education, health care, discipline...etc. 

It means that you are with them all the time.  Unless you CHOOSE to allow them to go... wherever.  It means that you watch them and nurture them...

It means you take FULL responsibility for the child.  Full.  No questions asked.  No cop outs. No disengagement when crap gets messy.  FULL.

No... "I told DH/SO/BF to bring this up with BM because I just don't want to/can't/won't deal with it anymore."

FULL.

No other parent. You are the parent.  Period.

As a child whose BioDad was absent by his own choice and whose SF never adopted me I take offense to anyone saying they love a child like their own until they... well... prove it.

And most of you women who say you do... never can or will.  It requires complete sacrifice. 

by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 8:19 PM
Replies (11-18):
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:42 AM
4 moms liked this
Okay, so I have all of that, except the legal adoption paper. I'm even named in the CO as Js domestic partner and coparent.

We have sole custody, I have decision making powers, etc. I will be paying for at least half of SS college fund, if not more, he is named in my will and in my life insurance......If for some reason j and I ever split SS would still be a beneficiary, I would still maintain his college fund, etc.

But I don't have a piece of paper stating he's legally my child, so I can't possibly love him the way I would if that piece of paper existed?

Ridiculous.


J is the only father DD knows. Theres no piece of paper there either, but he has been wrapped around her little finger since toddlerhood. She is his pride and joy, and they could not possibly be any closer. Most people have no idea she's not his bio, and people that do tell us that they forget she's not because of the bond they share.


Some people do not have the capacity to love that way. That's fine. But don't doubt that there are many of us that do, just because you can't.
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Troubleswife
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:51 AM
5 moms liked this
I am not sure how loving a child has anything to do with decision making. If it did then many SMs who pay child support for the husbands and love their schild (like me) would be far more respected for saying they love their skid "like their own" because it lined BMs pocket and proved it as such.

You do realize people have self serving agendas here right? Some even, as their inner child of divorce wouldn't be please with.

Oh ... the tangled web we weave.

Do me a favor? Ask this forum, how many of them are CoD? Then ask how many felt displaced, not loved or accepted or welcomed in their parents home. Also ask, if they wanted to feel loved, accepted and as part of the "favored" family in that parents home.

You will then have your answers as to should we worry about our skids feelings or should we worry about Moms AND if a fucking piece of paper makes or breaks a family.

Sacrifice has nothing to do with a piece if paper. It has to do with putting others before yourself. These posts clearly show many (Moms and stepmoms) don't know what the fuck that means.

You figure that out.
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luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:10 AM
Exactly.

For me it's similar to marriage.

I don't believe in the institution of marriage. It's just not a factor for me. Not having the piece of paper doesn't make us any less a family.


Quoting Troubleswife:

I am not sure how loving a child has anything to do with decision making. If it did then many SMs who pay child support for the husbands and love their schild (like me) would be far more respected for saying they love their skid "like their own" because it lined BMs pocket and proved it as such.



You do realize people have self serving agendas here right? Some even, as their inner child of divorce wouldn't be please with.



Oh ... the tangled web we weave.



Do me a favor? Ask this forum, how many of them are CoD? Then ask how many felt displaced, not loved or accepted or welcomed in their parents home. Also ask, if they wanted to feel loved, accepted and as part of the "favored" family in that parents home.



You will then have your answers as to should we worry about our skids feelings or should we worry about Moms AND if a fucking piece of paper makes or breaks a family.



Sacrifice has nothing to do with a piece if paper. It has to do with putting others before yourself. These posts clearly show many (Moms and stepmoms) don't know what the fuck that means.



You figure that out.

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:10 AM
You go girl!!!!;)!!!

I bet the COD's wished try had been loved instead of the opposite. My Dh does. And I know many others that do also. They wanted that love instead of the opposite.

Good answer trouble!!


Quoting Troubleswife:

I am not sure how loving a child has anything to do with decision making. If it did then many SMs who pay child support for the husbands and love their schild (like me) would be far more respected for saying they love their skid "like their own" because it lined BMs pocket and proved it as such.



You do realize people have self serving agendas here right? Some even, as their inner child of divorce wouldn't be please with.



Oh ... the tangled web we weave.



Do me a favor? Ask this forum, how many of them are CoD? Then ask how many felt displaced, not loved or accepted or welcomed in their parents home. Also ask, if they wanted to feel loved, accepted and as part of the "favored" family in that parents home.



You will then have your answers as to should we worry about our skids feelings or should we worry about Moms AND if a fucking piece of paper makes or breaks a family.



Sacrifice has nothing to do with a piece if paper. It has to do with putting others before yourself. These posts clearly show many (Moms and stepmoms) don't know what the fuck that means.



You figure that out.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jan. 27, 2013 at 2:12 AM
1 mom liked this
That would be a good post. Something about how many were COD's and how did they fit into that family. I bet most won't say "I wish my SM/SF had loved me less!"
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ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 3:08 AM
2 moms liked this
Quoting luckystars2012:


Edited: I quoted the wrong person. Dumb tablet.

I have gone this route in this forum.

I was then bashed for being a bitchy step child and told I was disrespectful and a bunch of other shit.

The BMs in this forum find fault with SMs any time they don't agree. They love the drama and can't accept differing opinions and exceptions because THEY ARE BM, THEY GAVE BIRTH AND ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

I'm a child of divorce. Both of my SPs are awesome and have been in my life since before I can really remember. They both love me as their own, and they both have other children. My step siblings do not feel jaded by this. Although I am not close with any of them, they all have relationships with their parents (my step parents) and it has never been an issue.

While I wasn't always completely secure with myself, I knew I was at least secure with my parents (well, not my mom so much but that's a whole different story). I don't think I would have felt very comfortable if favoritism would have been shown one way or the other. I still think my mom goes over board with her obvious dislike of my youngest step sister. I think it is pretty disgusting. But when I told the story of how my mom poured beer on my step sister's head when she was 8 because of the stupid bratty shit my step sister did, a few of these women actually sided with my mom- all because they just wanted to disagree with me.

However, if I use a sarcastic tone with my SO's spoiled son, I'm a fucking bitchy step mom and he's going to hate me.

There's no winning.
ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 3:10 AM
Quoting Troubleswife:

I am not sure how loving a child has anything to do with decision making. If it did then many SMs who pay child support for the husbands and love their schild (like me) would be far more respected for saying they love their skid "like their own" because it lined BMs pocket and proved it as such.

You do realize people have self serving agendas here right? Some even, as their inner child of divorce wouldn't be please with.

Oh ... the tangled web we weave.

Do me a favor? Ask this forum, how many of them are CoD? Then ask how many felt displaced, not loved or accepted or welcomed in their parents home. Also ask, if they wanted to feel loved, accepted and as part of the "favored" family in that parents home.

You will then have your answers as to should we worry about our skids feelings or should we worry about Moms AND if a fucking piece of paper makes or breaks a family.

Sacrifice has nothing to do with a piece if paper. It has to do with putting others before yourself. These posts clearly show many (Moms and stepmoms) don't know what the fuck that means.

You figure that out.



I meant to quote you in my previous reply. You should read it. :-)
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 3:58 AM
Did the adoptive parent's love change the moment they signed the papers?

There are adoptive parents who have a bio children after the adoption who love their bio child more? Like some stepparents, there are adoptive parents who change their minds, some just can't do anything about it.

I think regular adoption outside of stepparent adoption is different, I would have to see if there is a divorce how the stepparent (now adoptive parent) behaves.
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