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Stepson with possible autism? Is this none of my business??

Posted by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:08 PM
  • 30 Replies
  • I need advice about my stepson. I suspected when he was almost 1 that something might not be right. At that age he would not do much of anything, he would not move around, never tried to crawl. If you sat him on the floor he would stay in that exact spot and not try to reach for things. I have 2 boys of my own and by that age they were into everything, crawling walking along furniture and getting ready to take their first steps.  My husband and I worked with him a lot trying to get him to walk and we were very persistent in encouraging him to try. Before we knew it he skipped right over crawling and was walking! Soon after his speech seemed to almost be advance, he was talking early and clearly for the most part so my worries subsided. He would never make eye contact unless his father would say "look at me" even then he would look but quickly look away. Things for the most part were ok for awhile. He is now almost five and over the last year I have become more and more concerned. He is still having accidents wetting the bed and occasionally during the day. He does not like to interact with other people, very unsocial, cries at the least provocation. Sometimes will just sit and cry for an hour and when asked what wrong he just says "I'm sad". I try consoling but he says he want to be left alone. He follows very close behind what ever adult he feels most comfortable with, so cose if u turn around u will step on him. If that adult leaves the room he leaves the room too. He also always walks on his toes and his motor skills are not good. We do a lot of joking and being silly in our family and he isn't able to joke or take a joke, almost seems offended by everything. I have tried so hard to develop a better relationship with him, but he is just very distant. In talking with other people about these issues I have been told that it sounds like a mild case of autism or Asperghers . I guess I was hoping for any helpful thoughts and opinions. Again this is my stepson so I don't know how to go about this I don't know if it is appropriate to bring it up with his mother. I just would like to see him get whatever help there may be as early as possible. Or is this just not my business ?


Ok I just wanted to update this because I just had a break through with BM.  I had to ask her a question about a toy that Ss was asking for his bay. She actually was nice and asked me a few questions about Ss. She asked if we were having issues with him, attitude and wetting the bed. So I told her honestly that yes we are. I explained that he was still having accidents both at night and during the day and lots of attitude. I wanted to go on and explain that I was concerned about so many other things emotional wise and more. She also mentioned she was concerned about his eating habits. Which while here he is never hungry. She said she mentioned it to doc and he said he is very healthy 90% height and weight. I wanted to mention so badly that maybe he should be looked at for Asperghers. I have been doing reading about it and when I read the symptoms I feel like thy describe him perfectly. So I guess my question is do I mention it to her now that she has raised some concerns or not?




by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:08 PM
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sidelinesally
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:50 PM
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You're really observant and it's obvious that you care a lot about this little guy. I'd lean towards telling Dad what you've noticed and urge him to get an assessment.. There are a ton of things that it could be (or not) on the developmental delay continuum. Good luck!

elliotmommytobe
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:58 PM
Doesnt really sound like autism to me. Maybe very low on the spectrum. I have a brother with autism and he didnt talk til he was 3. And still was distant
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momalee40
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:59 PM
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You have as much right.to bring up your concern as anyone. Just cause you are step mom doesnt mean you should stay out of it. No different than a teacher etc ..discussing it with a parent. Let your DH bring it up to bm though.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:59 PM

I'd talk to DH about getting an evaluation.  But it's his job.  If he doesn't want to I'm not sure if it's worth the fight. he sound like he could be on the spectrum.  But just because someone is doesn't mean they need a label or help.  It will be up to DH to decide.

Both SS and DS are "odd" like that.  But we haven't gotten to the point where we think they need intervention.  They are doing ok.  It's not impacting their learning.  I know they're on the spectrum somewhere, but SS's teacher is meeting him where he is and they are meeting his needs without special ed.  Why label him?

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:04 PM

Actually it does sound like it could be. There are several red flags there.

Quoting elliotmommytobe:

Doesnt really sound like autism to me. Maybe very low on the spectrum. I have a brother with autism and he didnt talk til he was 3. And still was distant


elliotmommytobe
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:08 PM
I just talked with my mom and she said it sounds like it. You should def talk to his mother and father and have them consult with a physician
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Gezz3307
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:24 PM

Thank you for all the responses! I have talked to his father about it and in the past he shrugged it off and just said he is just " an emotional kid". But more recently he has been picking up on things himself and he is becoming frustrated with his son. He feels a lot of it is stemmed from his home life, I have suggested that he speak with BM about it, but he won't. They don't speak at all, except hi, goodbye, and if something important like holiday schedules or whatever. This is because every step of the way with BM has been a nightmare. She is very hard to communicate with, in the past when my husband tried talking to her about minor things in a non aggressive way she gets mad and almost has a how dare u type attitude . If things aren't going her way she is quick to try and keep Ss from us. He feels it's better not to talk to her about anything because if she hears something she doesn't like, it's hell to pay for him. 

laird6372
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 10:20 AM

DH should start communicating via email then... That way he can prove what was said, AND he can skip over the ranting and raving that she does...

Is there a CO in place yet?

Quoting Gezz3307:

Thank you for all the responses! I have talked to his father about it and in the past he shrugged it off and just said he is just " an emotional kid". But more recently he has been picking up on things himself and he is becoming frustrated with his son. He feels a lot of it is stemmed from his home life, I have suggested that he speak with BM about it, but he won't. They don't speak at all, except hi, goodbye, and if something important like holiday schedules or whatever. This is because every step of the way with BM has been a nightmare. She is very hard to communicate with, in the past when my husband tried talking to her about minor things in a non aggressive way she gets mad and almost has a how dare u type attitude . If things aren't going her way she is quick to try and keep Ss from us. He feels it's better not to talk to her about anything because if she hears something she doesn't like, it's hell to pay for him. 


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Proud momma of 4 kids, three of my own and one who didn't grow in my belly but has taken over my heart!

ruggy03
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:32 PM
Uhm...bm hard to communicate with,quick to get mad who does the child stay with mostly?if its her maybe there lies some of the problem
Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:23 PM
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Her attitude is her attitude and I say the hell with her. Any parent who refuses to acknowledge an obvious problem or flips out on the other parent and tries to prevent them from seeking help for a problem like that is a selfish shitty human being.

Quoting Gezz3307:

Thank you for all the responses! I have talked to his father about it and in the past he shrugged it off and just said he is just " an emotional kid". But more recently he has been picking up on things himself and he is becoming frustrated with his son. He feels a lot of it is stemmed from his home life, I have suggested that he speak with BM about it, but he won't. They don't speak at all, except hi, goodbye, and if something important like holiday schedules or whatever. This is because every step of the way with BM has been a nightmare. She is very hard to communicate with, in the past when my husband tried talking to her about minor things in a non aggressive way she gets mad and almost has a how dare u type attitude . If things aren't going her way she is quick to try and keep Ss from us. He feels it's better not to talk to her about anything because if she hears something she doesn't like, it's hell to pay for him. 

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