A SM friend just posted this question on FB

[daddysgf]

She has two young kids and a 12 year old SS..
She asked:
If your almost 13 year old had a cell phone or ipod, should you as a parent know the passcode.

I said yes.

[Lslk]

Absolutly! You should always have the password to everything they do!

[sarahfire]

Yes.

[rebeccasmly]

Parents need passwords in my opinion. Doesn't mean they have to use it but if you think something might be wrong, you can at least check.

[Bella14308]

Ok. we have joint legal custody which only mean we have equal rights to her. she sees him eowe. thats it. she can go 2 weekends a month without her facebook (if she forgets her password). There is no reason her kiniving stepmother or her father need the password.

the only person besides me and her who has her password is my mother since they spend alot of time together.

Her father doesnt do shit for her that he says he will and at 10 years old she sees what her father and stepmother do.

So no both parents do not need the password or access to these things. only the parent who has primary residential custody that they spend majority of their time with need access.

And no step parents dont need it under *most* circumstances. however if the step parent is primary caregiver (meaning the one who is home wiyh the child the most if the custodial parent works alot) then i understand the step parent having access.

Quoting PROGENITOR:

Not knowing details about your situation I can't really make a judgement. In general, if a child has two parents who both have joint legal custody, who are both involved, then they should both have access. One parent shouldn't control that, it sends the message to the child that their other parent is inferior. Now, if that is the message one wants to send to their children about the OP then that is their choice. That attitude may reflect a portion the original relationship dysfunction, which lead to its failure.

Quoting Bella14308:

I told my oldest dd that her father and stepmother do not need to know her password for facebook. i set it up. i control her friends etc on it. i am the only perdon who needs her password.

Quoting PROGENITOR:

His dad should know the password. SM doesn't need to know, but dad does. When SS first got a FB he said that his mom said only she could have the password. I think maybe, sometimes.....at least I hope this is what happens, the CP will say "Don't give out your password to anyone other than me" and it is percieved by the kid that literally, and they feel like they aren't allowed to tell the OP. But that doesn't mean that one parent came out and said you can't have your OP know, they just aren't considering the OP at all.

[Steamedpuddle30]

Yep. My Dh has been to lax in this rule IMO for his sons. I think it's fine to have a pass code bc sometimes the kids mess w each others stuff but I also believe if asked,parents should know the code. I don't care who pays for the phone service.

Saying that.... There's a loop hole also. My dds11 BD (who hardly never gets my dds for visitation) should not ask to see my dds phone. The difference is my dds are not w him
More then a day. IMO,he's not a real parent and shouldn't be asking bc he's doing it to be nosey in a bad way not in a "parental " way.

For a-hole parents,nag no check ing. Lol.

[saywhat2102]

Of course! Lol he's like his daddy so sure as shit he will need to to remind him of what it is anyways lol. He's only 9 so I still have sometime before we even talk about cell phones and God forbid *cough* facebook...ugh! :-/

[Steamedpuddle30]

A couple of months ago 2 girls committed suicide. The parents were asking all the kids at the school if anyone would know what the pass code was to thier facebooks,phones,ect... They had no idea what was going on and as always(or you here) kids had seen some"odd" things. Not saying the girls didnt change their pass codes but its jus a smart thing I feel to know the passwords and not technically have to check everything but let them know you know thier passwords is a good start.

[Steamedpuddle30]

I will admit that we don't often give the OP this info either. Depending on what it is. Netflix-no(our credit car info is in there)
BM didn't want to give Dh SSs password to FB bc " then we could see her page".

But I won't let my dds dad have these passwords either since I am dds "friend" on FB.

But it all depends. I do think its ok for parents(both) to have pass codes. If not,I'd be calling the other parent. In normal situations of course. (Not where dad/BM are crazies)

Quoting PROGENITOR:

His dad should know the password. SM doesn't need to know, but dad does. When SS first got a FB he said that his mom said only she could have the password. I think maybe, sometimes.....at least I hope this is what happens, the CP will say "Don't give out your password to anyone other than me" and it is percieved by the kid that literally, and they feel like they aren't allowed to tell the OP. But that doesn't mean that one parent came out and said you can't have your OP know, they just aren't considering the OP at all.

[Steamedpuddle30]

I think this is fine certain situations also. Like my dds is NOT to let bd see her phone or texts or have passwords to FB or any of her devices. He's not involved and His SO is blocked from mine. But he doesn't need to know any of my family or personal info. (Which is on her devices)

But let's say my Dh who is involved w his sons as much as BM wants the pass code,then I'd think SS should give Dh the code.

Quoting Bella14308:

I told my oldest dd that her father and stepmother do not need to know her password for facebook. i set it up. i control her friends etc on it. i am the only perdon who needs her password.

Quoting PROGENITOR:

His dad should know the password. SM doesn't need to know, but dad does. When SS first got a FB he said that his mom said only she could have the password. I think maybe, sometimes.....at least I hope this is what happens, the CP will say "Don't give out your password to anyone other than me" and it is percieved by the kid that literally, and they feel like they aren't allowed to tell the OP. But that doesn't mean that one parent came out and said you can't have your OP know, they just aren't considering the OP at all.

[sheramom4]

With the teens all 4 of us (me, stepdad, bio-dad, stepmom) have the passcodes and passwords to everything, although we rarely use them (so far they haven't given us a reason to). With my two with DH, both he and I have the passcodes. We do insist the kids lock Ipods, phones, tablets, etc because of theft and tracking....but we all know how to access them. I think at least one parent should be able to access everything. We choose to have all 4 parents be able to, but that could be different in every situation.