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Abnormal Behavior (long but in desperate need of opinions!)

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:55 AM
  • 33 Replies

My husband and I have been racking our brains trying to figure out my sd's behaviors.  Weve contacted child therapists who say shes too young for them to see.  Social sevices isn't interested in helping either.  So if anyone has any suggestions please help!!  My husband and I debate between 1. she wants attention  2. she has some learning disabilities 3. mental disorders or 4. mom has a history of meth addiction, is there drug exposure??  5. she told us she was molested, then she said she was lying....social services wouldn't even investigate.

sd is 3 1/2.  she is very clumsy and falls down even when she is just standing still.  she walks very strange and runs into walls.  basically she looks like when babies first start walking. 

this summer i taught her how to count to 10, she cant do it anymore.  she says 5, 2, 10!!  ive tried to teach her the abcs, absolutely no luck.  we've tried many MANY times to teach her candy land and chutes and ladders, she can't figure it out at all. 

she wants my husband to hold her all the time, often wants to be cradled like a baby.  she will ask other people to hold her too.  i understand theres going to be some jealousy, but me and my kids have been in the picture since she was a little over a year.  she hates when my kids even talk to my husband.  if i sit next to him she glares and me and comes to sit on his lap.  shes so jealous of the baby she kicked him in the head, hit him and even tried to take him out of his bassinet, luckily i was awake at 1 am and caught her!! 

she lies.  she has told my husband that i locked her outside, that ive hit her, that my kids hit her.  once she claimed her sister from her moms house hit her.  we said "shes not here."  she looked around with a confused look on her face and said "oh." 

sometimes when she comes she is happy to see me, clings to me all weekend, tells me she loves me, affectionate, says she wants to stay with me.  the next time she comes she will just glare at me all weekend, especially if i tell her i love her, refuses to listen to anything i say and wont say more that 5 words to me all weekend.  often times she comes shes expressionless (abnormal for a 3yr old!!)

when she plays toys she seems behind in age.  she will sit in spot pushing a car back and forth saying vroom vroom.  she will play with dolls, but talks jibberish the whole time.  she purposely breaks toys.  and will proudly tell us she did it on purpose.  she will run out in the street then look at us, smile and say "i went on the street" 

when she feeds herself it looks like when babies first start feeding themselves.  she has a hard time with the spoon, drops her silverware on the floor several times during a meal, spills her milk often and has food all over her face when shes done eating.  also still tries to use her fingers to eat a lot. 

sometimes she will talk fairly clear, other times you can't understand a thing she says.  she can't hold a conversation.  for example i asked her if she liked lunchmeat.  her response "that means to not be naughty"  i was trying to talk to her one day and she just looked at me confused and finally said "i have shoulders".  my husband asked her if she wanted to play a board game.  she said "my glove has thumb holes.  my mom has a ladder in her closet.  me and my sister play candy land.  we climb the ladder.  look at my glove."  (that was all one long....ramble) 

she scratches herself until she bleeds.  her face looks like a meth addict.  shes covered in scabs from picking her face and hands!!  if we remind her when shes doing it and say "dont pick at yourself hunny, your going to get hurt."  she becomes angry and yells "IM NOT PICKING!"

sorry this is long.  my husband and i just need help.  we feel helpless because she obviously has something going on but we can't fix it.  and as selfish as this sounds, she is physically and mentally wearing and has caused my husband and i to argue several times. 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Melina74
by Melina on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:06 PM
1 mom liked this

What does her pediatrician say?

Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:31 PM
What Melina said. I'd start there bc there is definetely some disconnect going on. Some of her behavior could be attributed to her age, some definetly NOT. Get her examined and have bloodwork oand a hair sample done.

Quoting Melina74:

What does her pediatrician say?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stashia
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:55 PM

 we get her eowe, its hard to try to get her in.  its definately something ive told my husband to do though!!!! 


Quoting Melina74:

What does her pediatrician say?


 

stashia
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 12:59 PM

 i agree some of it is age appropriate, but youre right some of it is definately not .  its so difficult because sometimes my husband sees the behavior and other times he says i need to realize that shes "just a baby"......frustrating. 


Quoting Amy1973Potts:

What Melina said. I'd start there bc there is definetely some disconnect going on. Some of her behavior could be attributed to her age, some definetly NOT. Get her examined and have bloodwork oand a hair sample done.

Quoting Melina74:

What does her pediatrician say?


 

Amy1973Potts
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:11 PM
1 mom liked this
She is not a baby. Not even close. She is a young child. Not even a toddler.

Quoting stashia:

 i agree some of it is age appropriate, but youre right some of it is definately not .  its so difficult because sometimes my husband sees the behavior and other times he says i need to realize that shes "just a baby"......frustrating. 




Quoting Amy1973Potts:

What Melina said. I'd start there bc there is definetely some disconnect going on. Some of her behavior could be attributed to her age, some definetly NOT. Get her examined and have bloodwork oand a hair sample done.


Quoting Melina74:


What does her pediatrician say?




 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LovingMy2x4
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:22 PM

Have BM drug tested if you can. Has DH spoken to BM about these behaviors? Are they the same at both homes? If its all the same at BMs then something is off and she needs to see someone. If its only at your house, then she is probably doing it for attention. 

twinklebites
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:38 PM

Have you had vision and hearing checked? Some of what you said sounds normal-ish for her age but any mental diseaseor defect  would take a long time to diagnose and would be hesitant to have faith in a Dr. would would not extensively test before a diagnosis

DDDaysh
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 7:43 PM
Child therapists have been consulted, but he can't manage to get her to a pedi? Seriously? Besides, even if he can't take her in, the child must have seen a doctor, right? Why not call the pedi BM takes her to and schedule a consult call or visit to ask his questions?

Quoting stashia:

 we get her eowe, its hard to try to get her in.  its definately something ive told my husband to do though!!!! 




Quoting Melina74:


What does her pediatrician say?




 

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TexanMomOf6
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Hm. I would suggest making a list of all her habits and activities to show a psychologist. If your DH has extended visits during holidays maybe he can get her into a specialist during spring break. Some of that is normal 3.5yo, but some seems odd to me. I would be seriously considering getting custody. Unless the CO says that BM has to submit to drug testing (mine did-BD actually) you may not be able to do that. You can drug test the SD IF the CO says he has a right to take her to the doctor. My XDH did not have that right,he could take them to the doctor for emergencys only. IF SD tests positive then you can take action. That might explain the differences in her from one visit to the next. Or the BM is filling her head with crap about you.

Good luck...

stashia
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:53 AM

 thanks!!  ive called around to child psychologists in our area who say shes a little too young to start comming (which suprized me????)  I keep pushing my hubby to take her to a doctor, but he makes excuses and i cant take her because im "just stepmom".  its a mess.  i do know bm does fill her full of it.  sd has told me bm tells her she doesn't want her to go to our house.  shes also told sd she should be scared of her dad and that dad cant hold a job (which hes been at the same job for a long time lol).  frustrating behavior from bm too, poor sd in the middle.


Quoting TexanMomOf6:

Hm. I would suggest making a list of all her habits and activities to show a psychologist. If your DH has extended visits during holidays maybe he can get her into a specialist during spring break. Some of that is normal 3.5yo, but some seems odd to me. I would be seriously considering getting custody. Unless the CO says that BM has to submit to drug testing (mine did-BD actually) you may not be able to do that. You can drug test the SD IF the CO says he has a right to take her to the doctor. My XDH did not have that right,he could take them to the doctor for emergencys only. IF SD tests positive then you can take action. That might explain the differences in her from one visit to the next. Or the BM is filling her head with crap about you.

Good luck...


 

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