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Broke up for a year.Got back together and now she is pregnant.

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:27 AM
  • 113 Replies

I need some serious advice. As of right now i feel so many things i can't even explain.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 years with a year long breakup. At that time he got an old mutual friend of ours pregnant.(this is killing me). She says she wants him to have nothing to do with it and he says the same but yet she is trying to contact him via phone. I am at a coplete loss. I cant stand this woman for more reasons than I have room to write but that is not the point. It seems that they both think it will only affect them. I see it as soley affecting my son and my family. I know this isnt about me and the baby didnt choose it's parents.I dont know how I feel about my boyfriend saying he doesnt want contact with the baby...i feel i will begin to resent him for this or he will tell me one thing and then do another. I want to be the bigger woman and support her but I just dont know if I can. I am not sure how anyone could have a child that the other person doesnt want? That just seems selfish to me...

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:27 AM
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by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:17 AM

won't he still have to pay child support? even if he has no contact with the child?

by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:23 AM
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So let me get this straight- SHE is selfish bc she is having a child they both willingly participated in creating bc he doesn't want said child? She is selfish? The better question is how could you want to be with someone who would make a child and then want nothing to do with it?
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by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 7:35 AM
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This is a hard one....First of all, you have to accept that anything he did while you were split up for that year has nothing to do with you and your relationship now....You were both single and I'm sure you had your own life going on during that year as well....She had the baby because she wanted it, not because of the feelings of anyone else around her, but because it was her choice and her right to decide whether she was going to become a mother....I'm sure all of us can appreciate loving a child despite the feelings you have for the man who "planted" it....Having children, if you look at it a certain way, is a selfish act....We don't go into baby making saying " We need to procreate now to support the survival of the species!" No, we dream of soft snuggly little babies, nurseries, tiney little shoes *sigh*....We have babies because we want them.....

Likewise, it's his decision whether he's going to be involved in the baby's life and be a father to them; not just a sperm donor....Oddly enough, this decision doesn't have anything to do with you and your feelings about it because it's his child and his decision to make....Which you do ancknowledge, though I'm a little confused if you are for or against any involvment? 

He's going to have to pay child support, the baby deserves to be supported financially whatever his feelings toward them....And it's necessary to have contact with the other parent whatever her feelings were....she's finding out about that now....It's hard to raise a child alone, and he's rightly the one she should turn to for support with what the baby needs....

This is going to be a hard one to work out for you, I think....If you can; get some counseling to help you through these feelings and deciding if you can stay with this man through this situation which is going to last for the next 18-20 years, at least

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:13 AM

 im a little confused...  your boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with the baby, right? but the woman wants to keep it? and she is selfish for not aborting the baby? i have a problem with your boyfriend not caring about this child.

when dh and i had been dating for a just a couple months, bm was trying to tell him that the baby (she was still pregnant at the time) wasn't his. he contemplated letting her current boyfriend raise the baby as his own and dh would back out. that thought lasted about 5 whole seconds. he called me right back and said he couldn't do it. he was thinking about it to save our relationship, but if he had walked out on his child, i would not have been okay with that.

you and bf were broken up for a whole year. a lot can happen in a year. how is going to soley affect your son?

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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Run for the hills. Neither he, nor she, nor their kid are worth years of stress, anxiety, and no trust.

An affair with someone would likely do it for affair with a child is a definite deal breaker. Why? Because unlike a "normal" affair (bad enough to deal with) you can't omit the other woman from your life as she has a kid with him.

Honestly. Really take a good, hard look at things. I know there are some members here who have dealt with this. Maybe they can give some better advice. for me, I'd be gone yesterday.
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by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:35 AM
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I think your boyfriend should take responsibility for his actions and you need to support him. I would have a HUGE problem with him if he were my boyfriend.

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:27 AM
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I guess you could say I'm selfish.  My ex didn't want my almost 12 year old daughter.  He begged me to abort.  Tried to get me to miscarry with a couple of violent acts that he tried to cover up as "just trying to help" or "it was an accident".  I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world.  

Abortion isn't something every woman is okay with doing.  She shouldn't have to go against her morals/beliefs so that your feelings are assuaged. 

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:43 AM
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Leave him and don't get back together.

Its not worth the frustration.
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by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:46 AM

 It happened when you were not together- whether or not she wants to have the child, or asks for child support is not up to you. At most, you are the step-mom, except not even that legally since you never went past the boyfriend-girlfriend stage. 

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:09 AM
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Your boyfriend is selfish, not her. She doesnt have to abort it just because he wants nothing to do with it. Maybe he shouldnt have had sex with her to begin with.
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