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split the bills....

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:09 AM
  • 27 Replies

So me and my hubby have had separate accounts from day one. However we do split the bills evenly (when it comes to household stuff).  We both make a decent amount monthly.....roughly 7k each. After paying child support and alimony clearly he has a LOT less "fun" money than I do.  If the skids need anything he normally pays for it. Now the problem here is every once in a while he becomes argumentative with me because of howi choose to spend my "fun" money. Should I feel guilty that at the end of the day I am left with more "fun" money than him???? note.... He has NEVER asked me for a single dollar to cover any of the kids needs (clothes....books...toys) I do go out and buy them stuff every once Ina while. 

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:09 AM
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abigailsmommy11
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:13 AM
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I can't really imagine not sharing our money completely. We have shared our money practically since the day we started dating. I'm glad that separate accounts has worked for you so far, but maybe it's time to sit down and ask him what's bothering him. Then come up with a solution together.
FindersKeepers
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:38 AM
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Money is the #1 thing couples argue about... so I refrain from judging anyone who's situation is working...

Since you are asking... and based on your question.... I don't think your situation is working.   I believe people naturally put their money where their heart is.... if you were 'all in' on your family situation with him and the kids, then it would be natural to combine your money and share the 'fun' money with your family.   You could do this regardless of keeping separate or joint accounts. 

In our house 'fun' money gets spent like this over the course of a year: 

  • Mostly on kids through the holidays and on their bdays.  
  • We try to do one family and one couples vacation per year (keeping within our budget)  
  • DH and I each get special things to reward ourselves.... he golfs and bought a new club..... I get massages and bought a designer purse.  
  • Any other 'fun' money is spent dependent on what comes up, but a lot of family time (movies, bowling, ect) and some on date nights (concerts, dinner out)

I am not telling you to do what we do... but if you are spending all of your 'fun' money on just yourself, you should think about the message that sends to your DH.   How would you feel if the situation were reversed? 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:40 AM
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My dh and I joined our finances a couple of months before we got married. We lived for a year with separate accounts. He made almost 3 times more than me back then and I had two children where he had none. I had the very high cost of child care. I did receive CS from my ex husband for my dd but my son's biological father was never in the picture and I supported him on my own. I had a car payment where Dh had just paid his car off and all of his debts. I had one small department store card and some medical bills. I also was ( and am still) paying on legal fees from my custody battle over my daughter. $50k!!

I felt frustrated bc I was trying to pay half of all of the bills plus all of my obligations AND the obligations to my children and ECs.. They add up. Dh was paying about $1000 in expenses while bringing home nearly $6500 a month. HE had a lot of extra money. My pride wouldn't let me ask for help. And finally I just broke down. I can't afford to live here anymore. I can't afford the child care in this area. I need to go back to my home town where child care is much cheaper. My dh was upset with me. He felt like I wasn't telling him what I needed to make our relationship work and moving back home wasn't an option. We put our finances together. And life has been a lot less stressful for me, he is happy to be contributing to our family, some of the CS I receive is able to be saved for dd instead of used to provide 100%, and he still has his fun money. We both do. Granted my husband adopted my son, so he doesn't see it as he is providing for someone else's responsibility. Ds is his responsibility. However, even before the adoption, he was happy to help provide. That is what HE signed up for. To be a family with all of us. I can see how it might be different if we were the non custodial home and the kids were not a part of our every day life but since they are, that is how it is for us. He doesn't care who's child she is, my dh loves dd and cares about her and he wants to provide for her. He is happy and willing to help out. It is just easier for us this way.
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MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:49 AM
Ours are separate for now. I pay for most everything DH just covers his phone and car payment. Which are both in my name. He is terrible with his money and I make more than him. If he needed some I'd give it to him. Neither of us make enough for fun money right now anyway.
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angirose
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:48 AM
Ours are seperate. We pay 50/50 on all bills. Dh insists on this as this house is mine and I carried all the bills on my own before he and the skids moved in. It is his two kids ..sd15 & ss13. And then my ds7 lives with us also. It's a nice big house. I make considerably more money than he does. But any extra money I have go towards the house, kids, family trip fund, or birthdays. With 5 kids total we have birthdays non stop until the end of sept. I am always buying clothes for the skids. As well as my ds. When we go out as a family or just a couple dh usually insist on paying. Very rarely can I get away with paying. He's very much a gentlemen like that. He still opens the doors, car door, pulls out my chair. I always make sure all the kids have what they need and then whatever is left over goes into a seperate account for our annual family trip and birthdays. We never argue about money. I may make more than him. But he's my dh (even if he wasn't and was just my bf) I want to share it with him. Just as he shares his with me.
Neuro
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:36 AM

Ours are seperate and we 50/50 the bills.

It has been recommended to me by my SIL that we get a joint account and pool our money but since money isn't even an issue with us and we don't argue about it, we don't feel the need to make the effort. I don't think you should feel bad though. It's really not your problem. It just seems to me that he is jealous and frustrated that he gets to keep less of his paycheck and taking it out on you.

angelmommy2806
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 7:48 AM
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Dh and I share everything. From my point of view I couldn't see it any other way.
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Panda113
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:14 AM
We divide our expenses proportional to income so that we each have the same amount of spending money every month. It works well for us.

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MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:34 AM

DH and I share our finances. We didn't when we first got married, but we do now. It has worked out well for us.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:42 AM

Ya'll aren't really set up financially as a family unit.  It's like him and his kids vs. you.  Even though you buy things for them now and again, the message being sent financially is one of not supporting them as part of your family.

Now that said, I can understanding wanting to keep things separate when he's paying CS and alimony.  Those aren't your responsibility to pay, and your money doesn't need to be spent toward those things, particularly the alimony.  If absolutely necessary, I would pay support owed the kids, but there's no way on God's green earth I'd pay the alimony.  Would be more inclined to send a stack of job applications than a check.  But the point is that your husband's family unit includes you and the kids, yet you and he have more of a business relationship.  Since it sounds like ya'll make about the same amounts, would it be possible for you to contribute to a family account if you were matching his contribution?  In other words, if he has $4k left after paying CS and alimony, would you be willing to put $4k of your money into a joint account with him?  That way rather than him footing all the family (kids = family!) expenses by himself, ya'll are supporting your family together with some wiggle room.  And you'd still be keeping a considerable fun money account on the side to spend on yourself or save toward family vacation, future child, whatever. 

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