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Finding out BP is really a AP

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM
  • 43 Replies

Question for anyone who has grown up thinking one parent was their BP but then found out that they were actually your AP.

If you grew up with thinking one parent was your BP then later in life found out that you were adopted by that parent making them your AP, how did you feel about that? What age were you when you found out? Did you find out on your own or did your parents tell you? How is your relationship with that parent now?

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krystyneh
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Well my husband was adopted which is different but he was told at age 8 or 9 and he's been okay with it. I have a friend who was told at age 23 that her mother was really her step mom and that her real mom walked out on them and she was extremely hurt.
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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM
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I don't know anyone like in this sitch but, geeezzz I bet that could be a huge mindscrew! :-/
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM

That's terrible. I can't imagine why any parent would like to their child like that.  

shanlee42
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM

I have a friend who this happened to and it destroyed her relationship with her "dad" when she found out. One of her extended relatives told her.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM
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Why would finding out your "BP" was really and AP make that person a SP?  An AP is a legal parent.  There's no step about it.  I can't imagine hiding from a kid the fact that they're adopted though.  It's one thing to grow up knowing, but the shock of finding out as an adult... yikes.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:08 PM



Quoting Derdriu:

Why would finding out your "BP" was really and AP make that person a SP?  An AP is a legal parent.  There's no step about it.  I can't imagine hiding from a kid the fact that they're adopted though.  It's one thing to grow up knowing, but the shock of finding out as an adult... yikes.


I agree. I don't know why someone would keep this a secret. Lots of people are adopted (I am). It's not a big deal, but finding out as an adult makes it a bigger deal than it should be.

Lslk
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:10 PM

You are correct, I miss spoke.

I know 2 people that this happened to (one being my very own half sister). One was told at a very early age and the other was told when she was a teenager. The one who was told early was ok with it and the other has nothing to do with that person now. I was wondering if the age made a big difference on how they feel about it. I honestly have no idea how I would feel about it. Both my parents are still married.

Quoting Derdriu:

Why would finding out your "BP" was really and AP make that person a SP?  An AP is a legal parent.  There's no step about it.  I can't imagine hiding from a kid the fact that they're adopted though.  It's one thing to grow up knowing, but the shock of finding out as an adult... yikes.


Bethsunshine
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:11 PM
I know someone dealing with that situation now . An old friend of mine had a little girl when she was nineteen and the bio father didn't want anything to do with her. She married another man when the little girl was two and he adopted her and raised her as his own. I thought they had told her the truth but apparently they didn't and a couple of months ago she found some pictures and started asking questions. The true came out and it didn't go well. She is 18 and actually moved out and lives with her grandparents. It's a huge mess.
rebeccasmly
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:12 PM

I was never in that situation but I think its important to be honest with your children from a young age. A lady I knew was in this position and I hated watching what happened. Her oldest was not her husband's, they both knew that. The child was raised as her husband's though and the child knew nothing else. The child started school and had no clue the last name he had was his actual name no SF's. He would argue with the teacher that she had the wrong last name. The mom came to me asking how to do an adoption and get it done quickly before they had to explain to the child that SF was not BF. I told her I thought it was wrong to hide it from him. What happens if he finds the truth out one day on his own?

Bethsunshine
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 12:12 PM
I know someone dealing with that situation now . An old friend of mine had a little girl when she was nineteen and the bio father didn't want anything to do with her. She married another man when the little girl was two and he adopted her and raised her as his own. I thought they had told her the truth but apparently they didn't and a couple of months ago she found some pictures and started asking questions. The true came out and it didn't go well. She is 18 and actually moved out and lives with her grandparents. It's a huge mess.
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