Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Is being a step mom really worth it?

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:01 PM
  • 277 Replies
1 mom liked this

I'm having very mixed feelings about being a step mom right now. I'm not sure why. I've tried looking at it through all angles. From love her like my own to let my boyfriend (we're engaged) deal with it and completely stay out of it. I've even gone so far as to have started counseling this week (who is more concerned with my past problems, rather than why I came to him in the first place, but whatever). I'm very much in love with my fiance. I'm just not in love with the fact that he's a dad. Is it worth going through all this for a man? Is it worth putting my own child through all this? And by "this" I mean they're going to have to go to court soon and I'll have to deal with all that since he comes to me with issues. I'll have to always deal with her. Like I said, I truely love him. We'd already be married right now if he weren't a dad, but honestly, that's what's holding me back. It didn't really bother me at first but now that I've commited to the relationship, its all I can think about. I don't know what to do. I love him, and he's a great father to my son, but I guess I feel stuck and stupid for getting in to this when I knew I'd never be happy being a step mom. Now I fell in love and don't know what the right choice for everyone involved is. We are great during the week. The only fights we have is over her. And not really her, but when he has her on Fridays, I just wake up in a bad mood. I can't stand her being here. I cringe at it. I WANT to be able to come in to this and at least be happy and tolerant, but I dont' know that I can. We've been together six months and maybe I'm just not giving it enough time to get used to it. Our date is set for October 12th and I'm just scared that them more planning we do and the closer it gets that I'll change my mind about marrying him.


I've never seen a step parent situation work out (especially with step moms). My mother still has problems with my half brother 23 years later. I swore I would never get in to a situation like this and I guess I'm just disappointed with myself over it. Over the fact that I knew better and went against my gut in it. All because I fell for this man.



by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:01 PM
Replies (1-10):
destiny83
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:05 PM
4 moms liked this

If you've only been together six months and you're already fighting over SD it's only going to get worse. Put the brakes on,your anxieties are legitamate.

phoenixallison
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:13 PM
I had a step mom that abused me my step daughter I swore would never have that her mother did whats called parental alienation & at 16 she is no longer in our lives & shes going down a horrible road the court here in az has done nothing. PLEASE dont confuse the fact that things are difficult with this little girl that may just need a fried & someone to love her just for being her. Its tough as hell & yes its worth all the crap & bs. Just remember that your son is your son & he has needs that need to be met too. FAMILY counseling is best even trying to get the ex involved but sometimes she wont go. Any questions about our situation just ask this sep is 15 years.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:13 PM
4 moms liked this

6 months is no time at all.  It's a drop in the bucket of a lifetime to come.  If you are this unhappy now, in what should be known as the "honeymoon" stage of your very new relationship, then that should be a huge red flag.  Huge. 

Happily Married | BM to DD13  DD13  DD11 | Mom to DS7 & DS3 | CP

SaraD1989
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:14 PM

I honestly just dont' know what to do anymore.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Haven't we been there done this with you? This is.almost identical to your last post. You shouldn't be a step parent.
SaraD1989
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:19 PM

I was very angry in my last post. I get that way about being a step parent. I don't feel like this is the right path for me, but I honestly love this man. That makes it way more hard.

kristinbugg
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:20 PM
This.

Any woman who wants their SO to give up rights to his child, just so they can be happy does NOT need to be a SM.


Quoting MommySabs:

Haven't we been there done this with you? This is.almost identical to your last post. You shouldn't be a step parent.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SaraD1989
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:21 PM

Like I said, I get angry about the situation.


Quoting kristinbugg:

This.

Any woman who wants their SO to give up rights to his child, just so they can be happy does NOT need to be a SM.


Quoting MommySabs:

Haven't we been there done this with you? This is.almost identical to your last post. You shouldn't be a step parent.



MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:21 PM
No snarkiness indebtedness, you will find the right person for you, this man is not it. It will hurt sure but it will be for the benefit of all involved.
Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:22 PM

Honestly every post I have seen you write since NOVEMBER has been how much you resent him having a child. You are NOT cut out for it and its OK. From the bottom of my heart, cut your loses, leave now. Yes it will be hard but it will be better then years of resentment you will have. You aren't happy and it doesn't seem you ever will be.

This post has been locked, replies are no longer allowed.

Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN