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Is being a step mom really worth it?

I'm having very mixed feelings about being a step mom right now. I'm not sure why. I've tried looking at it through all angles. From love her like my own to let my boyfriend (we're engaged) deal with it and completely stay out of it. I've even gone so far as to have started counseling this week (who is more concerned with my past problems, rather than why I came to him in the first place, but whatever). I'm very much in love with my fiance. I'm just not in love with the fact that he's a dad. Is it worth going through all this for a man? Is it worth putting my own child through all this? And by "this" I mean they're going to have to go to court soon and I'll have to deal with all that since he comes to me with issues. I'll have to always deal with her. Like I said, I truely love him. We'd already be married right now if he weren't a dad, but honestly, that's what's holding me back. It didn't really bother me at first but now that I've commited to the relationship, its all I can think about. I don't know what to do. I love him, and he's a great father to my son, but I guess I feel stuck and stupid for getting in to this when I knew I'd never be happy being a step mom. Now I fell in love and don't know what the right choice for everyone involved is. We are great during the week. The only fights we have is over her. And not really her, but when he has her on Fridays, I just wake up in a bad mood. I can't stand her being here. I cringe at it. I WANT to be able to come in to this and at least be happy and tolerant, but I dont' know that I can. We've been together six months and maybe I'm just not giving it enough time to get used to it. Our date is set for October 12th and I'm just scared that them more planning we do and the closer it gets that I'll change my mind about marrying him.


I've never seen a step parent situation work out (especially with step moms). My mother still has problems with my half brother 23 years later. I swore I would never get in to a situation like this and I guess I'm just disappointed with myself over it. Over the fact that I knew better and went against my gut in it. All because I fell for this man.



by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:01 PM
Replies (31-40):
confusednsad38
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:17 PM
Every situation is different. My suggestion would be...step back. Discuss your feelings with him and maybe it would be a workable situation if you found other places to go on his weekends. It is hard and can be extremely stressful but I imagine its more of a jealousy towards the connection he has with his dd bm than actually a dislike for the child. Is your ds bf in the picture or is it just you and him?
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:19 PM

ohhh I remember now.

you're the one who said you wanted him to stop seeing his 18 month old child, and that he wasn't all that attached to her anyway and she doesn't even call him daddy so what's the big deal, he should just stop seeing her, so he can be all yours.

Right?

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Quoting whatIknownow:

ohhh I remember now.

you're the one who said you wanted him to stop seeing his 18 month old child, and that he wasn't all that attached to her anyway and she doesn't even call him daddy so what's the big deal, he should just stop seeing her, so he can be all yours.

Right?





That's the one.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:24 PM

I only remembered because I just re-read your poof heard round the world thread.


Quoting MommySabs:

Quoting whatIknownow:

ohhh I remember now.

you're the one who said you wanted him to stop seeing his 18 month old child, and that he wasn't all that attached to her anyway and she doesn't even call him daddy so what's the big deal, he should just stop seeing her, so he can be all yours.

Right?





That's the one.



MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:28 PM
Quoting whatIknownow:




Lol! They always come back for more wikn, always.
EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:31 PM

I will say this, you might become suprised at how much you grow to love her.  My stepdad got with my mom when I was three years old.  They married when I was 6 years old but only after a LOT of debate about wether or not he wanted to be a stepdad. He was really not interested in kids or in being a stepdad and the thought of being me and my brother's stepdad almost kept him from marrying my mom.  But over time he began to love us and although he and my mom divorced when I was 14, he told me that the only reason he stayed in the marriage for the last 5 years of it was because he didn't want to lose my brother and I.  He and I still have a relationship to this day.  He now has a 5 year old daughter with his new wife, but do you know what he said to his wife when she first said she wanted to get pregnant and asked if he wanted a baby? he said "I already have kids", meaning my brother and I.  You may feel this way now, and if you're feeling this way you definitely shouldn't be taking such a huge step such as marruage.  Hell, maybe with the attitude you have right now you shouldn't even be a part of that child's life. But from my experience, a situation like yours could turn into you completely loving her, like it happened to my ex stepdad.

LDennany
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:37 PM
I have 3 step kids. One step-daughter (11) and two step- sons (14 & 16). I came into their lives 4 years ago and at first it was difficult. My daughter was only 3 so becoming a "mom" to teenagers was rough. I took it from them what my roll would be. For the boys I'm not really a mom figure more of a friend/sounding board. I'm only 10 years older than the oldest so it works out. My step-daughter looks to me as a mom figure but I'm not in charge of disciplining her. That's their father and bio-moms roll.

I love these kids just as much as I love my own 2 and I would do anything for them. You have to take the time to get to know her, try to understand her and find out what she needs from you.

It may take time to develop that relationship. If you can establish a positive relationship than yes it is entirely worth it.
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babie113
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:45 PM
I think you should go separate ways. You are clearly not ready to be a stepmom and cope with all the associated drama. Stepmoms have to have balls of steel. Also its only been six months and your already unhappy. I say cut your losses while you can

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Jscott1216
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:46 PM
Omg! That's awful!! I'm sorry and this will
Sound rude but oh we'll! What a TROLL!! NOBODY has the right to ask a parent to walk
Away from their child cause they are so selfish they want it to be just them. She needs to
Grow the eff up!! I have 3 step kids and while we may not always see eye to eye cause lets face it who does, I love them with all my heart and if I felt like this troll does then I wouldn't be with my now husband. Awful just disgusting!


Quoting MommySabs:

Quoting whatIknownow:

ohhh I remember now.

you're the one who said you wanted him to stop seeing his 18 month old child, and that he wasn't all that attached to her anyway and she doesn't even call him daddy so what's the big deal, he should just stop seeing her, so he can be all yours.

Right?








That's the one.

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abigailsmommy11
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:51 PM
2 moms liked this
In my opinion if you can't go into the relationship loving him for the whole package deal, then you shouldn't be with him at all. I fell in love with my husband BECAUSE he's a father. That said, you've only been with him for 6 months, maybe you just need some timer to get used to it. It's never going to be easy, but if you believe in God, than I think you should pray. Pray everyday to accept his child into your heart and to treat her fairly.

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