Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Judging children based on the behaviour of their parents

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:15 PM
  • 38 Replies

Do you do this?

For example, a child's custodial parent is a horrible person, she is selfish, has no morals, she is prone to violence, uncaring, speaks horribly about other people's children, would it be unreasonable to think the child is going to grow up with these undesirable traits and for someone to be distant from the child because of it.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:15 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

No.  Alot of kids grow up wanting to be the opposite.  I have a child who fears he will turn out like his father.. I reassure him he just has to keep making good choices.

LovingMy2x4
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldnt say that they would definitely have the same traits, but I think it would affect how they are as an adult. As an example, my grandmother was the most uncaring mother imaginable. She abused my mother and her siblings (and let her boyfriends do the same) their entire childhood. She still is a very undesirable person to be around. My mom has none of these traits. But she is overly controlling. Everything HAS to be a certain way, HER way. I think because she is this way because of how she was treated as a child. She had no control over the situation, so she NEEDS it now. 

So I think the kids are definitely affected, but just because a parent has a certain trait doesnt mean thier child will have the same. 

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:22 PM

I have done this, am very guilty of it in fact in terms of SD. BM is all you listed and more, and SD is already starting to show some of BM's behavior. DH and I try the best we can to guide her while she is here, but we can only do so much. As bad as it may sound, DH says he won't be too surprised if she turns out to be a teen mom. NOT b/c he wants her to, but BM is always telling her daughters to flaunt their "goodies" or "shake what she gave them", etc. And being kids, they do. And, no it doesn't seem unreasonable foe someone who has a choice to not want to be around the child.

newstepmom61811
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:24 PM
No, at least I try not to. My SKs are unique, definitely their own little personalities. Definitely have picked up some habits/traits from mom and dad but they are not carbon copies of either...
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AJnEsMama
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:28 PM

No just because you have a shitty parent doesn't mean you will automatically be a shitty person. They can have bad tendencies/ habits from similar biological traits and from parental modeling  but that does not mean they will be the same. If you are talking about a sc of yours all you and the ncp can do is model good behaviors and hope they value and pick up on those and treat people respectfully.

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:44 PM

I do not think all kids grow up like thier parents...at all. Sure some traits may stick but I personally have very little in common with my mother and only a little more in common with my father. But the way I was raised is not the way I live now, nothing extreme either way but it's just different.  The funny thing is I never worried I would turn out like my parents because I have always felt I was just so different, I couldn't relate to my mom hardly at all. I do see a few things pop up in myself here and there that remind me of one of my parents but that's about it.

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:55 PM

 I agree with this. i think the reason I am kind of OCD about cleaning and having my house free of clutter is because my mother was a little bit of a packrat, nothing severe and she was always clean but just had too much stuff. My Dad on the other was the opposite, hated having any clutter and I drifted toward that preference. On the other hand my mom was also a health guru and I rebelled from that as a young teen but later took on some of the same healthy habits as her. But to this day our religious, political and other lifestyle preferences are very much different from eachother.


Quoting LovingMy2x4:

I wouldnt say that they would definitely have the same traits, but I think it would affect how they are as an adult. As an example, my grandmother was the most uncaring mother imaginable. She abused my mother and her siblings (and let her boyfriends do the same) their entire childhood. She still is a very undesirable person to be around. My mom has none of these traits. But she is overly controlling. Everything HAS to be a certain way, HER way. I think because she is this way because of how she was treated as a child. She had no control over the situation, so she NEEDS it now. 

So I think the kids are definitely affected, but just because a parent has a certain trait doesnt mean thier child will have the same. 


 

Troubleswife
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:06 PM
1 mom liked this

 I don't think it is unreasonable to think this way. I think children learn by example, especially when they are younger. It isn't until they are older and experience the negative affects of these behaviors they decide to make a change.

If you think about it, most kids love their parents no matter who they are. If they love them then it takes some consequences and a lot of awareness to realize their parents character or traits aren't positive....and change.

I see this with all the children in my home. While they have certain qualities of their own, had I not set a decent example then their peers would have taken them down a totally different path. There is continual growth and change (on my part to set a good example.)

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:27 PM


Quoting tiredmama42:

No.  Alot of kids grow up wanting to be the opposite.  I have a child who fears he will turn out like his father.. I reassure him he just has to keep making good choices.

I would have to agree.  SS14 is not a huge fan of his mother.  She's a nutter.  If anything, I think it teaches a child how NOT to act once they hit a certain age to see the differences in normal and not normal.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:33 PM

I don't think I would assume that.  It's more likely, but will even be more so if the decent influences ingnore them.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN