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Refusing Visitation..

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:50 PM
  • 19 Replies

My DH said he has told BM that he will not let SD go for visitation Friday.  I am so tired of the drama I dont want to deal with it anymore, I dont want it around my DS and family.    I agree with DH.. but think its a lost cause I am ready to throw in the towel.   His reasons are because in the 8 months we have had custody BM has not spent any time with SD.   She has picked her up a couple times but dumps her somewhere and SD is spending the night with boys.   Sd 21 who lives there (another state) doesnt want her there because she cares about her little sister and doent want her to end up pregnant.    One of the boys fathers where she stayed threatened to call CPS on her parents for not knowing where she is and he was hiding her there from her father. .      Plus the BM moved out of her house with aguy she has known now for 1 month with a criminal record.    But everytime this child hooks up with a new BF our life is hell.  She skipped a class and when asked about it she said "I had errands to run". No straight answers.  DH took her phone again.  Wont come out of room, posting disrespectful crap on twitter and facebook to make DH mader.  Set up a twitter account and facebook account for my DS 11 who I said could not do that.      Last week I believed in tough love.. hold your ground enforce rules.  But when you have another parent working against you I dont think parents have a prayer.  Honestly this is only the 2nd time BM started calling insisting she was picking up SD and both times have been when SD was mad at DH for taking her phone (for sleeping around) .

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:19 AM

BUMP!

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:34 AM

This post is really about 2 separate things.  DH cannot legally not let BM have visitation unless there is something in the CO, like it is in DH's.  BM can file contempt and from what you posted will probably win.  CP can't really control what happens on NCP's time.

lnr187
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:34 AM

 how old is your sd? is there a CO that bm gets visitation? is there another SD who lives in a nother state? im a little confused by your post, but it sounds like dh is going to have to go to court over this because if he witholds visitation, bm can file contampt of court.

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:39 AM

I agree with the the other ladies, if there is court ordered visitation your DH cannot withhold it legally.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:08 AM

 SD just turned 17.  Yes there is a CO but BM doesnt every come get her, blows her off except for these 2 times she got grounded from the phone.   BM lives in another state with her BF.  OSD's live in the BM's house. SD when she goes she dont stay with the BM at her Bfs house,(seperate cities)  nor does she stay with sisters in the BMS house.   She stays whereever doesnt usually see her BM.  Gets rides from sisters or friends. .  

This is a copy of a message we got from a father of a boy :   Still doesnt change the fact that a 16 year old girl stayed at my house and I couldn't contact a parent. I should of contacted children services like I was advised to do by my brother in law who also is a  police officer.  He called SD a tramp, her sisters were tramps etc.. and his messages were nasty calling DH and BM awful parents etc..

     

    Quoting lnr187:

     how old is your sd? is there a CO that bm gets visitation? is there another SD who lives in a nother state? im a little confused by your post, but it sounds like dh is going to have to go to court over this because if he witholds visitation, bm can file contampt of court.


     

    Lslk
    by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:25 AM
    1 mom liked this

    DH has to let his DD go to BM for visitation, he can be held in contempt of court for this.

    Have you tried to contact CPS yourself and talk to them about what is going on? If not I would definatly do that. It sounds like SD should not be around BM but until legal actions are taken BD does not have a choice. He has to let SD go to BM's house.

    tiredmama42
    by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:10 AM
    1 mom liked this

     

    Years ago I went through this.  As the CP.  I denied visitation with good reason.  I had documentation and proof.  As a mother I would go to jail before I put my child in any situation that was not safe.  I let the ex file a motion for contempt.  (who ever files has to pay).  Since I had my proof  I was told I acted in the best interest of my child. It actually caused more problems for him.  Sometimes parents do not act in the best interest of a child they just want to use the courts for there own personal vindictive ways.   You cant hold visitation because of CS, or cause you dont like their new bf or GF, or because you of things they said .. but if you have enough documentation  you can handle it in court.   Visitation is for the non-custodial parent to spend time with the child if that other parent is abandoning the child, has no clue where that child is from Friday to Sunday and only seen the child 2 times in 8 months with the intention to Only want to pick the kid up to allow her to run the streets. I am sure the judge would consider the reasons being valid.    Its not my fight this time just sayng I was there, I did it and I did win.   

    Quoting Lslk:

    DH has to let his DD go to BM for visitation, he can be held in contempt of court for this.

    Have you tried to contact CPS yourself and talk to them about what is going on? If not I would definatly do that. It sounds like SD should not be around BM but until legal actions are taken BD does not have a choice. He has to let SD go to BM's house.


     

    Rae706
    by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:17 AM
    1 mom liked this

    Deltet her accounts and ground her little ass. Put your foot down with BM and hold your position. Everyone gets tired, but just keep reminding yourself that this is SD's future. This is the rest of her life you are looking out for here! When she turns 18, if she still wants to sleep around and ruin her life, then it is her decision...actually, I think you should always fight for your kids, but there is only so much you can do. Right now, while she is a minor, you owe it to her to not give up!

    Rae706
    by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    DH definitely needs to set a court date, but it doesn't work like that. You aren't held in contempt of court because you denied one visitation. It should (maybe not in this case), but it doesn't.


    Quoting Lslk:

    DH has to let his DD go to BM for visitation, he can be held in contempt of court for this.

    Have you tried to contact CPS yourself and talk to them about what is going on? If not I would definatly do that. It sounds like SD should not be around BM but until legal actions are taken BD does not have a choice. He has to let SD go to BM's house.



    tiredmama42
    by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:12 PM

     I know and that is what I kept saying to DH.  He has other girls (20 yr old) with a 1 year old, no job, no drivers license and the babys father lives with a woman hes been with for year, OSD 19 has bf living with her in Bm's house still hasnt graduated because was too tired to get up for school with boys always staying the night.     The one we have begged to come live with us and has had all A's and off to a good start.  BM does things to make us think she dont want any of her girls to do better.  Calling her at midnight 1:00am on school nights repeatedly to wake her.. in addition to hooking her up with boys that are in her state as if she wants her to get pregnant and ruin her life.     SD I know is trying to play her dad by asking BM to come get her because she grounded at home.  BM didnt even give this child a bday card or even a christmas card, doesnt pay child support to the dad and does nothing for this child.. only reason she wants to come today is to be SD''s friend by helping to be ungrounded.  Its disturbing and poor parenting for sure.


    Quoting Rae706:

    Deltet her accounts and ground her little ass. Put your foot down with BM and hold your position. Everyone gets tired, but just keep reminding yourself that this is SD's future. This is the rest of her life you are looking out for here! When she turns 18, if she still wants to sleep around and ruin her life, then it is her decision...actually, I think you should always fight for your kids, but there is only so much you can do. Right now, while she is a minor, you owe it to her to not give up!


     

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