ok, i'll take a chance & post for advice.....

Without too details, which i'm sure will emerge as i start to post about stuff and not just sit back and read, i'm going to go out on a limb and ask for advice here at the risk of being bashed whether i am right or i'm wrong because i'm the "stepmom" which here is like being the daily serial killer of every jaded ex-wives shattered dreams.  (no offense)

Anyway, im married to a wonderful man, i have 2 dd's, he has 2 dd's, and we have one dd together. That's 5 AMAZING girls.  any way my 11 yr old sd's mother (dh's ex) apparently allows her to shave her crotch.  i know this because my 14yr old dd told me that she wants to shave hers bc sd11 shaves hers.  Can you believe that shit?? And what's worse is that she's been doing it since she was 9, bc her mother taught her to. and when i asked her questions, she couldn't tell me why she does it, the benefits of it or anything. just that she shaves every couple weeks or so.  That's awful to me. Who shaves a 9 year old's crotch??  Hint: if she still plays with Barbies, shaving is not what you ought to be teaching! She's way too young, my dd14 is way too young. sd11 developed early but still! what is this some sick bonding time? in that case, stop trying to friend the child thinking she's gonna always take your side and love you best! Anyway,  who agrees/disagrees?  go!

update: I posted this bc I really didn't knw what to do. For once I paused and thought instead of just reacted bc it it's not what I would do. It's something I'm working on bc I'm so protective of my family. I see that it's not my place unless sd 11 asks me to assist her and in that case, I can tell her how I thnk she's too young. I see that it's not a battle I need to push. Thank you. 

[vwd_johnson]

I think 14 is old enough but 11 is insane!!

All I'm picturing is the poor girl cutting herself! && at 9?! Forget it.

[vwd_johnson]

Wow..

Quoting MommySabs:

Quoting HotMamaRosie:

1-he left the mother of his other children for you

2-you have been together for only a few years

3-have only been married a year

Valid reasons bm wouldn't and needn't give a shit what you think. I cannot stress enough that those are not and will never be your children, they are hers and his. She does not have to coparent with you ever. You are overstepping BIG time.

And it is absolutely ridiculous that you are interfering with a girl's personal grooming habits. How horrifying for that girl to have you treat her that way.

[Tillymommie]

Quoting HotMamaRosie:

Done. Not reading anymore. I think this top is filled more with bm than sm. it's whatever. 

You are going to do whatever you what any ways.

You didn't really ask for advice but you honestly got some good advice if you choose to take it. Stay out of this particular stitch. So not your concern. Deal with your Dd how you would like.

[packermomof2]

There are more SM's that post than moms.  And when a Sm tells you that you crossed a line and you accuse them of being a mom that just shows that you don't want to hear that you are wrong.

You cheated, broke up a family with your unable to parent his own kids husband, and now you think mom needs to coparent with you, a person who isn't a parent to her kids but desperately wants to be one.  She does not need to talk to you about what she does with her kids.  Unless you plan on returning the favor and you talk to mom about your decisions for your own kids, run them by her, see how she feels. 

My almost 12 year old has been shaving her legs for 2 years.  She can get an infection from doing that.  She can get an infection from cutting herself with a knife while cutting her meat.  My son once got an infection on his big toe from climbing on our fence.  We didn't know he had hurt himself at all until he said it was bad and saw the cut. 

You can document all you like.  Doesn't mean anyone will give a squat that you think mom sucks and dad isn't involved. 

[pdxmum]

I agree.  This is dad's issue to deal with if he wants.  Your issue to deal with if you want with your daughter.  But is probably something the two of you should discuss since you share a daughter.

i am not one to think there are "mom only issues" or "dad only issues".  You only have parenting issues.

Quoting packermomof2:

Mom says she can, SM says she shouldn't/can't.  Why would it matter what you think when there is a dad who is perfectly capable of handling this without you?  I assume he knows that girls have pubic hair, that some shave, and some don't.  I assume he knows he has girl children.  I assume he knows he is the parent and that parenting isn't about just the easy stuff and there are no real 'his" and "her" jobs when it comes to your kids.  

If I'm right in my assumptions he can handle it.

I have a girl and a boy - I handle my son's male issues and questions.  I potty trained him, have answered penis questions, etc... I don't have a penis but I know the basics and can answer his questions.  Just like a dad can for their female child.

[pdxmum]

Oi.  I replied after only reading a few replies.  This turned ugly.

[pdxmum]

Yes, then they become teens and hide from you always when suddenly they are back to being comfy nudies and you are shocked at how beautiful and womanly your 19 year old baby has become.

but really, both DDs are different.  ODD and I have not seen DD16 naked in years.  She is completely shy and gets mad if you accidentally walk in on her.  I am convinced she shaved everything at some point.  Her business though.  I just hope someday it normalizes again.

Quoting MommySabs:

Quoting momof2ex1:

So there is hope that my perpetually nude toddler will be normal one day! Lol

[amantonacci]

I still don't understand why this is such a big deal....