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Poll

Question: Which best describes your role as stepmother? or your child (ren)'s stepmother? http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/divorcefeature52.htm

Options:

Almost a mom. When a child thinks of the stepmother as mom-like, but loyalty remains with the biological mother.

A good friend. A close relationship may develop over the years.

Mediator. The stepmother’s intervention can benefit the father/child relationship.

Civil and polite. When the stepmother/child relationship is not close, but not awful either.

Interloper. When the stepmother is viewed as “in the way” of a relationship between the child and the father. The child feels jealous and the relationship does not improve over time.

Wicked stepmother. Children tolerate their stepmother, but avoid her as often as possible.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 118

View Results


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Replies (11-20):
Connecting
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:09 PM
1 mom liked this

When they were young  I was Mom2 and the mediator.  I hope that young sm do not do as I did.  I sacraficed for my sd and ss, I would advise other women to be mindful of changes as the children age and to take care of YOURSELF as best you can.  I wish I had seen the site GardenWeb sooner as it descirbes the progression I experienced with my stepchildren.  I am now trying to come to terms with how naive I was initially and how I didn't trust my perceptions better and take care of myself immediately.  

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:23 PM

Indeed, many young SMs seem to be on the road of self-sacrifice.

Quoting Connecting:

When they were young  I was Mom2 and the mediator.  I hope that young sm do not do as I did.  I sacraficed for my sd and ss, I would advise other women to be mindful of changes as the children age and to take care of YOURSELF as best you can.  I wish I had seen the site GardenWeb sooner as it descirbes the progression I experienced with my stepchildren.  I am now trying to come to terms with how naive I was initially and how I didn't trust my perceptions better and take care of myself immediately.  


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:36 PM

I fall in the first category. I've been CSM for 8 years of SS11's life with a BM who is minimally involved. It's very much a his life here and his life there don't cross-over situation, except for what he takes (metaphorically speaking) back and forth with him.

tymama1022
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:39 PM

I voted almost mom, because I have been in sd life since she was a few months old before she could sit up by herself.  Her bm is very involved in life and SD does spend a whole lot of time with me one on one and as a family.  She calls me mommy she loves me and I love her.  when she is around her mother and myself at the same time depending on the situation sd goes back in fourth than its time when she wants her bm and its times when she wants me or me and her dad.

kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:15 PM


what is GARDENWEB?

Quoting Connecting:

When they were young  I was Mom2 and the mediator.  I hope that young sm do not do as I did.  I sacraficed for my sd and ss, I would advise other women to be mindful of changes as the children age and to take care of YOURSELF as best you can.  I wish I had seen the site GardenWeb sooner as it descirbes the progression I experienced with my stepchildren.  I am now trying to come to terms with how naive I was initially and how I didn't trust my perceptions better and take care of myself immediately.  



leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Another website, like cafemom but deals with a wider range topics.

Quoting kmur:


what is GARDENWEB?

Quoting Connecting:

When they were young  I was Mom2 and the mediator.  I hope that young sm do not do as I did.  I sacraficed for my sd and ss, I would advise other women to be mindful of changes as the children age and to take care of YOURSELF as best you can.  I wish I had seen the site GardenWeb sooner as it descirbes the progression I experienced with my stepchildren.  I am now trying to come to terms with how naive I was initially and how I didn't trust my perceptions better and take care of myself immediately.  




Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:23 PM


oh, ok thank you :)

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Another website, like cafemom but deals with a wider range topics.

Quoting kmur:


what is GARDENWEB?

Quoting Connecting:

When they were young  I was Mom2 and the mediator.  I hope that young sm do not do as I did.  I sacraficed for my sd and ss, I would advise other women to be mindful of changes as the children age and to take care of YOURSELF as best you can.  I wish I had seen the site GardenWeb sooner as it descirbes the progression I experienced with my stepchildren.  I am now trying to come to terms with how naive I was initially and how I didn't trust my perceptions better and take care of myself immediately.  






JalensMommy2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:02 PM
I voted #2 A good friend, a close relationship may develop over the years.

My SD is 5 months old sooooooo. I'm like a mom to her when she's at our house, but she's a baby and babys like anybody who will hold, change play with and feed them lol. So only time will tell where I truly fit in at.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Troubleswife
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:20 PM
This is how I view myself - more parental vs motherly towards SS. Course, I am probably not the most "motherly" to my own children. lol

I know stepson considers me a motherly figure but I am very different to his mom. No comparison there.


Quoting KnowItAll:

SM has been in the lives of my daughters since they were born.  She has been their official SM for 9 years.  They were very small when she became their SM and they love her very much and view her as their 2nd mother -- I have heard them say this.   So based on the wording in your poll, it was the only one I could choose.  :)

*I* don't necessarily view her as a 2nd mother.  She's NCSM and doesn't function in the role of a parent MOST of the time....but I still view her as parental (instead of motherly), if that makes any sense. 

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Wow, this surpises me, since you are CP and a very involved mother.

Quoting KnowItAll:

I voted almost mom to describe the relationship between my daughters and their SM since I am not a SM.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ramita
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:28 PM

My ss see's me as the first one (i know this because his couselor as told me so that I could better understand why he acts out against me).  I couldn't understand why we would have such good weeks and then all of a sudden he'd just do everything in his power to go against what I say or just flat out ignore me so I finally asked his counselor if she could help me to understand it. She told me that he sees me as so much of a mom/mother figure that he feels guilty and lashes out against me (he's 7).  But I dont try to be his mom, I just try not to treat him different from my two girls since he's in our home as often as them. 

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