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Venting but also needing outside opinions

Posted by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:52 PM
  • 14 Replies
This may be a little long but try and bare with me.

Yesterday I went to visit DFs sister. She's been in the hospital for a few weeks. I went alone and that's the first time me and her have had time to just be the two of us in awhile. So the whole time I'm there visiting with her, her topic of conversation is BM. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way because here I am coming to visit you, trying to have a bonding moment with you and all you wanna do is talk about her.

So finally after about an hour of trying to gage how I feel about BM at this point in time, she comes out and tells me "BM really wants to have a sit down with you, she has a lot on her heart she wants to get off and I think you should do it".

At first I laughed thinking she's got to be fucking kidding me, but I saw that she was serious. So she went on to plead BMs case about all the hurt she feels etc etc etc and she wants the chance to tell me her side of the story once and for all.

I declined the offer stating that what happened, happened and I've moved on from it. I'm in a place where I've accepted what I can't change BUT I'm not interested in hearing the gory details.

I left and came home and didn't even bother to share this with DF. I put it in the these bitches hav e lost their minds file and moved on. So today I get a call from DFs cousin. She's telling me DFs sister called and they were talking so the sister feels like I'm being a bitch and causing more issues because I'm not open to sitting down talking to BM.

I was quite upset when I got off the phone and was ready to call his sister and put her in her place. I mean seriously its like wtf do yall want from me? Me and BM have nothing to talk about ever.

Am I really wrong for not being open to hearing "her side" of the story??
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by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 3:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
destiny83
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:08 PM

IMO you're not wrong. You certainly don't owe it to her. Plus it sounds like it will just be opening a wound/dragging out the past. It's circumstancial though. Only you know if letting BM spill her guts to you will be worth it to not have other family members think you are being a jerk. Personally I wouldn't care, but from the fact that you went to visit you SIL in the hospital I'm thinking you care about them and being in their good graces. What do you think she wants to say anyway? Why she acted the way she did? Apologize maybe? Or plead her case as to how your DH did her wrong?

abigailsmommy11
by Kelli on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:12 PM
2 moms liked this
Her side of what story? Were you involved with df before they split? (no judgement, just trying too understand) honestly, I would probably talk too her just out of curiosity, but that's just me. The sister and cousin are way out of line though. You should talk to Df about that.
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:17 PM
No I don't think you are obligated to her. Who cares what her side of the story is? It's in the past, what good would it do for you guys to sit and rehash it?
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:31 PM
I don't think you are wrong. What I think IS wrong is your fianc├ęs sister not trying to build a relationship with you for YOU instead of feeling that the only thing you have in common is knowing the same woman. That's pretty sad actually.

Same type of thing happened not long ago to my sister. She is with a guy and she just recently started talking with his sisters. The sister bad mouthed the BM constantly for an hour to my sister. My sister got off the phone thinking, well I didn't really need to know ALL of that. Wow. The sister could have spent the hour talking about my sister and her son. Getting to know my sister and building a relationship with my sister based on their common interests and sharing life stories about their children etc etc but instead she just felt the need to spend the hour talking about her ex sister in law, my sister's boyfriend's ex wife. It left a nasty taste in my sisters mouth. For real. She is like. Eek! What have I gotten myself in to? So what happens if we break up? Will I be the hot topic then?
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JalensMommy2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:33 PM
Ha! I know apologizing is soooo not her reason for wanting to have this sit down.

I talked to my BFF about it, and she thinks this is a last resort to get me to finally walk away.

I really don't care what her motive or intentions are, I'm not interested in talking to her about anything. And while I do love DFs family (I'm not very close to my own family so I've kinda adopted them as my own) BUT this is something I plan to stand firm on. If it bothers his sister that's her cross to bare not mine.

Thanks for the reply


Quoting destiny83:

IMO you're not wrong. You certainly don't owe it to her. Plus it sounds like it will just be opening a wound/dragging out the past. It's circumstancial though. Only you know if letting BM spill her guts to you will be worth it to not have other family members think you are being a jerk. Personally I wouldn't care, but from the fact that you went to visit you SIL in the hospital I'm thinking you care about them and being in their good graces. What do you think she wants to say anyway? Why she acted the way she did? Apologize maybe? Or plead her case as to how your DH did her wrong?


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JalensMommy2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:40 PM
Absolutely NOT! He cheated with her and she got pregnant, so we have children born within 2 weeks of each other.

I think I am gonna talk to him about it. I said I wasn't because it wasn't a big deal. But since his sister is calling around telling the world I guess I will.


Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Her side of what story? Were you involved with df before they split? (no judgement, just trying too understand) honestly, I would probably talk too her just out of curiosity, but that's just me. The sister and cousin are way out of line though. You should talk to Df about that.

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girlywifey
by New Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:40 PM

I made the mistake when dh and I first got married of falling for this. I went to her house and sat there from 9am to 2pm and she told me everything that he did wrong. They were both young and stupid when they got married but I was told things that to this day I still have stuck in my head. And when she asked me if I wanted to see pics of her kids when they were babies I was shown pics of my dh in his underwear playing with the kids when they were newborns.

If you are curious enough-I was then go for it but the only person who is going to benefit from this is bm and it may cause problems for you and dh-it did for me because I repeated a lot of the stuff she told me which to this day I do not know if it is the truth or not.

destiny83
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:42 PM



Quoting JalensMommy2012:

Ha! I know apologizing is soooo not her reason for wanting to have this sit down.

I talked to my BFF about it, and she thinks this is a last resort to get me to finally walk away.

I really don't care what her motive or intentions are, I'm not interested in talking to her about anything. And while I do love DFs family (I'm not very close to my own family so I've kinda adopted them as my own) BUT this is something I plan to stand firm on. If it bothers his sister that's her cross to bare not mine.

Thanks for the reply


Quoting destiny83:

IMO you're not wrong. You certainly don't owe it to her. Plus it sounds like it will just be opening a wound/dragging out the past. It's circumstancial though. Only you know if letting BM spill her guts to you will be worth it to not have other family members think you are being a jerk. Personally I wouldn't care, but from the fact that you went to visit you SIL in the hospital I'm thinking you care about them and being in their good graces. What do you think she wants to say anyway? Why she acted the way she did? Apologize maybe? Or plead her case as to how your DH did her wrong?



Oh, well in that case F that! You don't need to bridge a relationship with her. 

zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:42 PM

No you are not wrong...really weird that bm thinks you want to hear her side...just let sister and cousin know you won't do the s&it down because you don't want to start drama and they need to trust you this is best for all. And leave it at that.

JalensMommy2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:43 PM
This is my feelings exactly.... WHO CARES about her side of the story. I got the jist of it, dealt with it and moved on....but SHE WON'T!




Quoting MommySabs:

No I don't think you are obligated to her. Who cares what her side of the story is? It's in the past, what good would it do for you guys to sit and rehash it?

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