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Outing with DH, SM & BM

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:38 PM
  • 18 Replies

Being involved in a bleneded family or a stepfamily do you feel that its neccesary to take family vacations or have family outings including the outside parent(the parent in the other home)?


For example if your family consist of yours, his and ours, or his and our, just his, or just yours or even just yours and his.  Do you think its right to have the other parent come along or just have family time within just your family thats in your home?


I am asking these questions because bm often tries to invite us all out to take the kids to a place together.  We have tired it once but it was very weird but it was cool but I really didnt see the reason on why we all needed to go.  I feel that if bm wants to take her daugter some where she could and then if dh and I wanted to take all kids somewhere we could, and not all 3 of us.  DH feels that he can never trust bm or even forgive her for the things she has done but he tolerates her for the sake of his daughter he tries to be nice and co parent but other than the 3 of us taking the kids out together seems a little be weird especially since dh and bm didnt start of on good terms raising sd together and bm and my self didnt start of on good terms.


What do you think?

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:43 PM
3 moms liked this
I think it can be nice for the kid if the grown-ups can get along.
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Lorena
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:57 PM
We do this sometimes. It was awkward for me at first but got over it. I do not have to be friends with her just get along and have a good time. We feel it shows the kids that when it is important we will have a united front
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packermomof2
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:00 PM

You want to take her kids somewhere with your husband without mom because of your feelings.  She is trying to show the kids that the adults can be nice to each other and work things out. 

If it can be done her way, I'm all for it.  If the thing holding back the parents from doing some things together for their kid is the feelings of the SP?  Get over it.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this
When I was growing up, my grandparents were best friends. My maternal grandmother and stepgrandfather, my maternal grandfather and stepgrandmother. My grandparents divorced in the early 60's and both remarried in the late 60's. so by the time I came along in 1980, they had many years to 'fix' their issues. I never knew any different. They lived three doors down. They vacationed together. Every holiday was spent together. And after the men died, the women took care of each other for years. Still to this day, they are best of friends. They talk almost every day. So this was normal for us. And it made life so much easier for my mom and us kids.

Now with my situation, absolutely not. Anyone that doesn't have a good relationship with their ex and the new spouses, should not even consider this. If you can honestly say, we are friends, we get along, we respect each other, then sure! Why not? But if you describe your relationship as 'civil', we are nice to each other but we can't stand her/him, we are getting along right now but waiting for her/him to pull one of the many stunts she/he normally pulls, then no... You should not do family outings or vacations together. Just be honest, you can't stand each other so you should live your lives separately.
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jlg12678
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:30 PM

I think it's fine if there are no issues between the adults involved. That includes the stepparents. 

If your dh isn't comfortable with it that's the answer you need....no. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:32 PM
This is my sister. I keep telling her the problem is her. She is the live in girlfriend to the dad. The mom likes her A LOT. The mom is nice to her. The mom and dad get along really well. The mom has no issues with my sister participating and going to sporting events. She even saves her a seat. The mom demands that her children are respectful to my sister. The mom, again, really likes my sister. But my sister thinks it's weird. She rolls her eyes, she feels annoyed. She feels like mom just wants to 'control'. I see it totally different and she is potentially going to sabotage a great relationship bc she feels like it's 'weird'. I'm really hoping she will embrace that this situation is so rare and will stop trying to push it away.


Quoting Lorena:

We do this sometimes. It was awkward for me at first but got over it. I do not have to be friends with her just get along and have a good time. We feel it shows the kids that when it is important we will have a united front

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lorena
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:41 PM
She should embrace it. It is rare! I read on here everyday how sm and bm are at each other. How is that even close to healthy for the kids? Whats the worst that could happen they don't become friend but can show a united front? Or she could have a new bestie. Mine is the first.

Quoting momof2ex1:

This is my sister. I keep telling her the problem is her. She is the live in girlfriend to the dad. The mom likes her A LOT. The mom is nice to her. The mom and dad get along really well. The mom has no issues with my sister participating and going to sporting events. She even saves her a seat. The mom demands that her children are respectful to my sister. The mom, again, really likes my sister. But my sister thinks it's weird. She rolls her eyes, she feels annoyed. She feels like mom just wants to 'control'. I see it totally different and she is potentially going to sabotage a great relationship bc she feels like it's 'weird'. I'm really hoping she will embrace that this situation is so rare and will stop trying to push it away.




Quoting Lorena:

We do this sometimes. It was awkward for me at first but got over it. I do not have to be friends with her just get along and have a good time. We feel it shows the kids that when it is important we will have a united front

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
tymama1022
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:50 PM

I have every right to feel the way I do feel about her why? Because she caused that wedge between us without even knowing me 1st as well as saying some ignorant things about my kids and my newborn child at the time that had nothing to do with nothing. So I guess she expect to be all cool for her me my dh and all the kids to hang out like one big happy family hell no!!!.....Yes i tried in the pass accepting the invitation even though dh was against it. I thought mayb she changed and I could look over what she had done but the whole time us hanging out something came over me and i didnt have a blast but i pretended for the kids sake.  BM works in spells one min she cool next min. The only reason that made me give it a try and to think that bm was changed because she did apolygize to me and she started being more friendly towards me but she pulled something else with me at court and what made her look like the ASS that she is I was out of town and I had the plane ticket of proof to show the judge!!!......Bm isnt trying to show the kids that the adults can get along with each other because if she was for that from the beginning she wouldnt of pulled have of the stuff she tried to in he past.

Quoting packermomof2:

You want to take her kids somewhere with your husband without mom because of your feelings.  She is trying to show the kids that the adults can be nice to each other and work things out. 

If it can be done her way, I'm all for it.  If the thing holding back the parents from doing some things together for their kid is the feelings of the SP?  Get over it.

If im correct from a different post you made, your not even a stepmother and bm all at the same time to know what its like.  It's not just me who feels that way My dh was against it period because he have not forgot about what BM did to our kids that me and dh share, that had nothing to do with anything!.  I could of went all out just like she did and started saying bad things about my sd but I didnt because she is a innocent little girl who was born with a mom who is ignorant and havnt grown up yet. If an Adult better yet a woman/Mother and can go around talking about a little child that cannot protect him/her self than that person is down right crazy especially if that child is the sibling to her child than what do you think about your child.!!!

I will never get over it why because if your entitions was never positive especially toward an innocent child than what is that to say about that individual and I was a fool to beleive so!!

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Good point. My sister is starting to feel like an outsider. His kids don't really want to talk to her. I think it is HER attitude that is causing this. My sister is possibly the sweetest person on the planet but this situation has brought out a side of her I've never seen in 33 years.

She may not be saying anything at all but the kids are quite possibly feeling the tension and how she is projecting her tension when they are around their mom. She is making a huge mistake in behaving this way and even feeling this way. She needs to swallow it and embrace it. For everyone's sake. I have no doubt that this man will put his children first and break up with her if she doesn't stop this attitude that she has. His ex seems to be very sweet. They didn't divorce because she was a bad mom, they just weren't good together as husband and wife. He gets along great with her and her new boyfriend and my sister sits miserably. She is making a huge mistake. And it very likely will cost her something very special.


Quoting Lorena:

She should embrace it. It is rare! I read on here everyday how sm and bm are at each other. How is that even close to healthy for the kids? Whats the worst that could happen they don't become friend but can show a united front? Or she could have a new bestie. Mine is the first.



Quoting momof2ex1:

This is my sister. I keep telling her the problem is her. She is the live in girlfriend to the dad. The mom likes her A LOT. The mom is nice to her. The mom and dad get along really well. The mom has no issues with my sister participating and going to sporting events. She even saves her a seat. The mom demands that her children are respectful to my sister. The mom, again, really likes my sister. But my sister thinks it's weird. She rolls her eyes, she feels annoyed. She feels like mom just wants to 'control'. I see it totally different and she is potentially going to sabotage a great relationship bc she feels like it's 'weird'. I'm really hoping she will embrace that this situation is so rare and will stop trying to push it away.






Quoting Lorena:

We do this sometimes. It was awkward for me at first but got over it. I do not have to be friends with her just get along and have a good time. We feel it shows the kids that when it is important we will have a united front


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leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 2:59 PM

No, I wouldn't be involved in that, the other parent isn't my family and in my situation BM isn't even a friend. 

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