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tight schedules...could really use some advice.

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:07 PM
  • 24 Replies

My DH has a DD, she's 8, with another woman who lives about 45 minutes away from us.  DH and I have been together for a little over 4 years and we have a son who is a little shy of 2 years old. 

DH and BM have a schedule worked out that works for them.  I have changed my work schedule around the best I can to accomodate my DSs needs (nap times, not being in the car for 3 hours round trip...yes...terrible traffic)  because I realize that it is hard to change the schedule they all have based off of our sons needs.  I changed my schedule for my son when their daughter started school, so yes, I have changed my schedule to accomodate their specific situaiton.

My issue lies here.  My DS is going through a phase where his nap time and his schedule needs in general, are changing.  Because our schedule is not changing, his attitude is suffering.  He is grumpy, not waking up at the right times on Monday Mornings, not doing well sunday evenings, etc.

My DH and I work and cannot afford not to.  On Sundays I work until 3:30 and when I get home at 3:40, DH leaves at 3:45 for his shift.  So , I leave in the early AM for work.  He takes his daughter back to her moms on Sunday.  They leave at 1 PM (not bad traffic on Sundays) to be there around 2 PM.  He usually gets home around 3-3:15.  since I am at work, my son is in the car.  He usually takes his nap around 2-2:15.  So, he is either in his car seat napping, or not napping at his usual time or somtimes, not at all.  How do I fix this?  It is affecting his behavior at home, and it isn't fair to him, but I cannot switch my schedule around again.  I work for the state, and we are in session right now, and they are VERY particular about it.  How should I address this with my DH?  I see it causing a problem with him thinking that i'm just trying to cause problems, but really, I'm just trying to make sure that I am always accomodating my sons needs.  Any Advice?

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Is there any way you can hire a babysitter for a few hours to stay with him while he naps during those times?
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kristinbugg
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:14 PM
That's a hard one. Is BM willing to change drop-off time? Is there someone who can watch DS while DH does drop-off?
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lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:15 PM

I've been looking for one for a while now. So, a great a idea, if I could find one, that was affordable, that would definitely be a good solution.

 

Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

Is there any way you can hire a babysitter for a few hours to stay with him while he naps during those times?


 

lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:17 PM

DH picks up SD from school every friday.  BM works until about 5 or so, so asking her to change her schedule would affect her household in a negative, and unrealistic way.  I'm looking for someone to watch DS during our work time/ driving time overlap.  Having  a hard time finding that person.  I was thinking there might be another solution I just wasn't seeing. 


Quoting kristinbugg:

That's a hard one. Is BM willing to change drop-off time? Is there someone who can watch DS while DH does drop-off?


 

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Maybe try care.com with a background check and references. A lot of their sitters will work for $5 an hour.


Quoting lovemyfriend:

I've been looking for one for a while now. So, a great a idea, if I could find one, that was affordable, that would definitely be a good solution.


 


Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

Is there any way you can hire a babysitter for a few hours to stay with him while he naps during those times?



 


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lnr187
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:21 PM

does dh already to get her on friday AND drop her off on sunday? can bm come get her on sunday instead? even if you have to give her the gas money? or ask bm to change the drop-off time, however that means one parent is robbed of time. how often is sd with you?

lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:33 PM

 hahahahaha.......

i'm sorry, i'm not laughing at you or your suggestion in any way possible.  But, we've already been through this in mediation.  SD is here every weekend.  Her mom was saying that she doesn't get enough "fun" time with her.  that is a fair comment, however, she told DH that either they change to every other weekend and he picks her up from school on Wednesday and drops her off on Thurdsay morning @ school (wednesday is the day BM was leaving her home alone for 4 hours... and BM moved an hour away, can be 3 round trip in bad traffic).  She said if he didn't agree she would take him to court.  He referred to their CO and pointed out that mediation really was in order, first.  So they went to mediation, twice, and finally when they had come to an agreement that they both felt was starting to work, she refused the entire thing because she said she would not even discuss changing the transportation.  BTW SD started asking why BM was "being a jerk and making Dad do all the driving". etc.  dad always responded with "thats the way it is" or "just the way the court has ordered it, nothing more". or something else like that...He wanted to change it just slightly so SD would see them as more equal in that sense, in her own eyes.  So while your suggestion is a good one, I see it being very unlikely.  Oh, and yes, we did offer her the gas money.

My problem really though, is how to handle it with DH.  Its one of those situations where its easier to get along with me, than to "argue" a valid cause with BM.  KWIM?

Sorry for going off about it.  I do appreciate your input. 


Quoting lnr187:

does dh already to get her on friday AND drop her off on sunday? can bm come get her on sunday instead? even if you have to give her the gas money? or ask bm to change the drop-off time, however that means one parent is robbed of time. how often is sd with you?


 

lnr187
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:41 PM

 LOL you're fine, i completely understand that kind of situation. and i also understand how dh feels it's easier to deal with you than with bm (ive run into this w my dh too) but really it isn't fair to ds. he can talk to bm, but there's no garantee that she'll agree to the change, especially since it'll change again as ds gets older and his nap time changes. i think all i can say is hope ds naps in the car for that one day a week, and if he doesn't then put him to bed an hour early. not the ideal situation, but it's probably what's going to need to be done. honestly, i never thought about how the schedule with transportation for my ss is going to be effected when dh and i have children. my friend just had a baby and she's struggling with a breastfeeding schedule that would allow her to be on time to work or appts. hmm wonder how ss bm will react. im guessing about as well you your sd bm :/ let me know how this turns out for ya...

Quoting lovemyfriend:

 hahahahaha.......

i'm sorry, i'm not laughing at you or your suggestion in any way possible.  But, we've already been through this in mediation.  SD is here every weekend.  Her mom was saying that she doesn't get enough "fun" time with her.  that is a fair comment, however, she told DH that either they change to every other weekend and he picks her up from school on Wednesday and drops her off on Thurdsay morning @ school (wednesday is the day BM was leaving her home alone for 4 hours... and BM moved an hour away, can be 3 round trip in bad traffic).  She said if he didn't agree she would take him to court.  He referred to their CO and pointed out that mediation really was in order, first.  So they went to mediation, twice, and finally when they had come to an agreement that they both felt was starting to work, she refused the entire thing because she said she would not even discuss changing the transportation.  BTW SD started asking why BM was "being a jerk and making Dad do all the driving". etc.  dad always responded with "thats the way it is" or "just the way the court has ordered it, nothing more". or something else like that...He wanted to change it just slightly so SD would see them as more equal in that sense, in her own eyes.  So while your suggestion is a good one, I see it being very unlikely.  Oh, and yes, we did offer her the gas money.

My problem really though, is how to handle it with DH.  Its one of those situations where its easier to get along with me, than to "argue" a valid cause with BM.  KWIM?

Sorry for going off about it.  I do appreciate your input. 

 

Quoting lnr187:

does dh already to get her on friday AND drop her off on sunday? can bm come get her on sunday instead? even if you have to give her the gas money? or ask bm to change the drop-off time, however that means one parent is robbed of time. how often is sd with you?

 

 

 

lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:54 PM

 Thank you.  I'm also thinking about getting him up a little earlier.  This wont neccesarily help him to not have his nap time in the car, but he may be a little more tired, coupled with going to bed earlier.  It is what it is, though.  My job as his mom is to figure out exactly what I *can* do for him.  And do whatever that is, no matter.  I'll let you know how it goes :)


Quoting lnr187:

 LOL you're fine, i completely understand that kind of situation. and i also understand how dh feels it's easier to deal with you than with bm (ive run into this w my dh too) but really it isn't fair to ds. he can talk to bm, but there's no garantee that she'll agree to the change, especially since it'll change again as ds gets older and his nap time changes. i think all i can say is hope ds naps in the car for that one day a week, and if he doesn't then put him to bed an hour early. not the ideal situation, but it's probably what's going to need to be done. honestly, i never thought about how the schedule with transportation for my ss is going to be effected when dh and i have children. my friend just had a baby and she's struggling with a breastfeeding schedule that would allow her to be on time to work or appts. hmm wonder how ss bm will react. im guessing about as well you your sd bm :/ let me know how this turns out for ya...

Quoting lovemyfriend:

 hahahahaha.......

i'm sorry, i'm not laughing at you or your suggestion in any way possible.  But, we've already been through this in mediation.  SD is here every weekend.  Her mom was saying that she doesn't get enough "fun" time with her.  that is a fair comment, however, she told DH that either they change to every other weekend and he picks her up from school on Wednesday and drops her off on Thurdsay morning @ school (wednesday is the day BM was leaving her home alone for 4 hours... and BM moved an hour away, can be 3 round trip in bad traffic).  She said if he didn't agree she would take him to court.  He referred to their CO and pointed out that mediation really was in order, first.  So they went to mediation, twice, and finally when they had come to an agreement that they both felt was starting to work, she refused the entire thing because she said she would not even discuss changing the transportation.  BTW SD started asking why BM was "being a jerk and making Dad do all the driving". etc.  dad always responded with "thats the way it is" or "just the way the court has ordered it, nothing more". or something else like that...He wanted to change it just slightly so SD would see them as more equal in that sense, in her own eyes.  So while your suggestion is a good one, I see it being very unlikely.  Oh, and yes, we did offer her the gas money.

My problem really though, is how to handle it with DH.  Its one of those situations where its easier to get along with me, than to "argue" a valid cause with BM.  KWIM?

Sorry for going off about it.  I do appreciate your input. 

 

Quoting lnr187:

does dh already to get her on friday AND drop her off on sunday? can bm come get her on sunday instead? even if you have to give her the gas money? or ask bm to change the drop-off time, however that means one parent is robbed of time. how often is sd with you?

 

 

 


 

Troubleswife
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Get him up earlier (by however many hours you need him to nap sooner) on that day so he is tired earlier and lay him down earlier. He should shift his schedule for that day only. Just make sure he doesn't sleep too long and do your normal Sunday night routine to get him back on schedule.. I don't think one day is that difficult to accommodate for a 2 year old.
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