So here's what my weekend turned out to be!

[smomx3]

Ugh, so freaking frustrated!!! So I find out we r gettting sks late Fri evening, that Dh is picking them up sat. I'm starting to get real pissed cause I've noticed the "Disneyland" dad coming out in him when we have them & even steps in, on their side, when I've said something to them or if they flip me attitude.... so pretty much encourages the blatant disrespect & they r starting to have the "well my dad said", or just flat out being shits to me & I am so f*ing done with it!!! Don't know what to do cause dh just gets angry & defends his kids if I say anything! Help :(

[Trina6587]

Have you thought of something you could do to give youself a break while their at the house?  (gym, bath, movie in your bedroom) It is not up to you to provide total entertainment etc the whole time.  All I can say as far as the SKs keep trying to be their friends.  Walk away when SKs are being disrespectul or don't give them what they want.  At some point DH won't be around and they will ask you for something.  Don't engage them back with negative behavior nobody wins.     

[gma12.1]

 I like what Trina said. Also if you have a place to go on the weekends or even just one night a couple of weekends that the sk's are there and leave their total care to dh that would be helpful to you. I'm not talking about every weekend that they are there but maybe one every couple of months. Don't out right ignore them, if they talk to you answer them being polite, if dh is there and they ask you for something tell them to go ask their Dad. Remove yourself as much as possible from the situation when the kids are there, he wants to be the Disneyland Dad then let him do it you don't have to. I personally would try real hard not to have to watch them if they are supposed to be there and dh won't be. They want to be shits then you don't have to have to watch them he can pick them up when he will be there. Him taking their side over yours and if he is doing it in front of the kids HE is giving them permission to treat you that way. 

[macbudsmom]

Kids aren't the probelm.  Dad is.

[smomx3]

Thank u both for your advice... I like the idea of getting out of here for a night or one of the days they are here, maybe I'll give that a try. It's hard cause dh works nights some during the week so a lot of times he stays in the bedroom & tries to sleep after he has gone & gotten them, which leaves me to be out with them all. I don't work a lot of hrs lately, & he's expressed that I should be a sah, as we have 2 little ones between us as well, & maybe he feels I should do this stuff because he's the one working for the $? I don't know, part of me is beginning to think I'm a little bit of a control freak too... when the oldest sk was trying to squirt easy cheese into my 2yr olds mouth, then another time was about to give him a life saver candy (I don't ever give him candy like that cause it freaks me out that he'll choke or spit it out & try giving it to the baby who is 9 mo). I constantly find small toys in their room that should be out of reach because of the baby getting ahold of them, dh would just let so much crap fly & I'd just go crazy wondering what was going on if I did leave... he'd do things like take them to the most expensive bowling alley & think they'd all need to go out & eat before even if I buy things to make here because it's too damn expensive to take all of them out to eat because the 2 teenage boys think they need to mow down like kings everytime & it's just not feasible! Ugh, could go on & on....... :(

[smomx3]

So I guess the point I was trying to make is that I worry about the things he lets the kids do if I'm not here... & yes u are absolutely right it is him that's allowing them to disrespect me when he sides with them in front of me, they've really figured out how to work things so they go in their favor, putting us against each other!

[Trina6587]

I think your being to hard on yourself.  If you feel it is inappropriate for the child to have cheese to be squirted into the mouth or a life saver than that is your choice to make not a child's.  Personally I would make sure the small toys would start disappearing if they appeared in the babies room.  Your in a really tough situation.  Again my advice is to disengage.  Even if you can't afford it.  He will figure it out, hopefully!!! Let him take on more responsibility.  Take some "me" time.  Women put too much on ourselves.   

[macbudsmom]

 Kids can only pit you against each other when dad allows it.

You do sound a bit controlling.  You've got to learn to pick your battles and yes you are the adult but gets need space and some say so in what goes on in there home too.  kwim

Quoting smomx3:

So I guess the point I was trying to make is that I worry about the things he lets the kids do if I'm not here... & yes u are absolutely right it is him that's allowing them to disrespect me when he sides with them in front of me, they've really figured out how to work things so they go in their favor, putting us against each other!