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Should I meet BM or just say the heck with her?

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:07 PM
  • 25 Replies

Thanks for all the replies and advice. And I'm taking it. I have a great relationship with Victoria.  After she got over the "I'm not the only child" reaction, she actually asked me if she can call me "mom" too. We love each other very much and that's all that really matters.  Can't please everyone and I'm not gonna try. 

 

So here's my backstory....my DF's baby mom ran off and married his best friend and he had no contact with his daughter for 2 1/2 years.  He just found them about 2 years ago and she'll be 8 in May. BM and I have never met or spoken.  She basically told my DF that she would not keep her daughter around her husband if he kept her away from me. Again, we've never met or spoken.  So, he agreed with the notion that she is just getting to know him again and to add to that would be too much. I agreed.  Well, that lasted about 6 months until his daughter spilled the beans that they are all living together. Oh yeah, we live in Atlanta, they live in Utah.  So I've met his daughter many times now, she and I get along great.  Now I am expecting a boy with my DF.  When we told her during her visit with us to DF's mom's house, she was upset at first but then came around, all within a 24hr period. 

So, here's my problem.  BM texted DF that this past Christmas trip to his mom's house was for him, his daughter, his mom and her husband only.  "Tell her (meaning me) politely to leave. Victoria (his daughter) is the priority."  I'm like first of all, this is his mom's house not yours and I am welcomed there. 2nd of all, who are you to tell us what to do with our trip. Third, I am not a child to be sent away, I am a grown woman that does not have to abide by your wants. And fourth, I have always treated Victoria with only love and kindness. She is a priority to me.

I felt so disrespected.  DF texted back, "no, my mom and victoria like her."  I feel like he should not even have to explain that they like me.  Just leave it as NO.  Also, now she won't let her call her brother her brother. She's only allowed to say half-brother.  Now, I know that they are half-siblings literally, but the way it is said seems like a more derogatory dig instead. 

I want to tell this b*tch that I am not to be disrespected or treated this way.  So for those of you with experience, is this the time to introduce myself and make my feelings known, or do I do like DF says to do and just ignore her.

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Ignore
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:16 PM

Ignore her.

JustaSM231
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Ignore her. Not worth the headache
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
DDDaysh
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:29 PM
4 moms liked this

 Making your feelings known just engages her. 

Don't engage toxic people, ignore them. 

charlibrown
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Thanks, I kinda figured as much, but it's so frustrating.  Oh well. 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this

At this point, she lives across the country from you.  You will not be running into her at the grocery store, you guys don't see each other at school events for SD, you really have zero need to be in contact with her.  I'd say ignore it.  Just because she says you shouldn't be somewhere doesn't mean it's true or that she can enforce it.  Don't allow her nonsense to get in your head.  It's not worth it. 

Happily Married | BM to DD13  DD13  DD11 | Mom to DS7 & DS3 | CP

mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:45 PM
Also if at some point u two do meet I wouldn't mention it.


Quoting KnowItAll:

At this point, she lives across the country from you.  You will not be running into her at the grocery store, you guys don't see each other at school events for SD, you really have zero need to be in contact with her.  I'd say ignore it.  Just because she says you shouldn't be somewhere doesn't mean it's true or that she can enforce it.  Don't allow her nonsense to get in your head.  It's not worth it. 


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charlibrown
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:58 PM

yeah, you're right.  I do plan on visiting out there more often. DF's family lives in Salt Lake.  She plays hockey as well and she asked me to come to a couple of games.  Maybe if she actually meets me and sees how great a relationship Victoria and I have, she'll ease up.

Pero1
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:59 PM

Ignore on all levels. Your DF needs a proper CO, and that's that.

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:00 PM
This

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Making your feelings known just engages her. 


Don't engage toxic people, ignore them. 

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