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concerned about SS and need help

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:55 PM
  • 28 Replies
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SS12 lives with us...his language and behavior has always been a issue. I have spoke to DH about it but he does not do anything mainly becaise he thinks i am crazy because when he gets home SS puts his halo on. well yesterday my SS informed me that i should have had a abortion with DD 6 months old and today he tells me that a loved one i tragically lost is no longer considered my family cause he is dead. the behavior i see i feel truelly warrents being evaluated by a therapist but i know DH is not going to agree. i just do not know how to bring it up with out causing war between us?

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:55 PM
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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:17 PM
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i don't know if he needs a therapist more than a good old fashioned spanking.  I think he's baiting you because he can.  He sees Dh not backing you up/believing you.  I don't think it's a psych issue if you're the one he's targeting and he's not like that with anyone else.  I'd have a recorder and record him if I could and then let DH listen to it.

mamakenzi
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:28 PM
I agree

Quoting sandeeyo:

i don't know if he needs a therapist more than a good old fashioned spanking.  I think he's baiting you because he can.  He sees Dh not backing you up/believing you.  I don't think it's a psych issue if you're the one he's targeting and he's not like that with anyone else.  I'd have a recorder and record him if I could and then let DH listen to it.

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angel_peanut
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:45 PM
I've always had a issue with his language I find it inappropriate but when he lived with BM he was allowed to talk that way. He is always telling me his dads cheating and is going to leave me which I chalked up as mind games. Now he's just saying the most ignorant things alot! The only other "issue " there is is on the bus he's always talking about rape and gets in trouble for it from the bus driver.. ..he has always thought drugs sex and violence are so cool. I don't know it could be him just trying to push the envelope


Quoting sandeeyo:

i don't know if he needs a therapist more than a good old fashioned spanking.  I think he's baiting you because he can.  He sees Dh not backing you up/believing you.  I don't think it's a psych issue if you're the one he's targeting and he's not like that with anyone else.  I'd have a recorder and record him if I could and then let DH listen to it.


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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:49 PM
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Can you tell DH that ss should stay with his mother whenever DH can't be around to parent him?

There is no way I'd let my DH just leave me with a kid that disrespects me to my face, ESPECIALLY if DH isn't going to listen or believe me when I tell him that the kid is being a little jerk.  Tell him that ss has to go to his mom's whenever DH isn't around.


Quoting angel_peanut:

I've always had a issue with his language I find it inappropriate but when he lived with BM he was allowed to talk that way. He is always telling me his dads cheating and is going to leave me which I chalked up as mind games. Now he's just saying the most ignorant things alot! The only other "issue " there is is on the bus he's always talking about rape and gets in trouble for it from the bus driver.. ..he has always thought drugs sex and violence are so cool. I don't know it could be him just trying to push the envelope


Quoting sandeeyo:

i don't know if he needs a therapist more than a good old fashioned spanking.  I think he's baiting you because he can.  He sees Dh not backing you up/believing you.  I don't think it's a psych issue if you're the one he's targeting and he's not like that with anyone else.  I'd have a recorder and record him if I could and then let DH listen to it.



 

rebeccasmly
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:57 PM
If DH doesn't back you up and insist on SS respecting you, your SS will only get worse. Does SS have a relationship with his BM? Is she able to keep SS while DH is at work?
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angel_peanut
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:06 PM

 BM  has him EOW. DH works and i am a SAHM....we live a good 30 mins away from BM and she also works. i do not think we could make it work for SS to be with BM when DH is not home but somethings got to give. H is lucky i did not snap when he said my nephew is no longer family he is nothing because he is dead

 

Quoting rebeccasmly:

If DH doesn't back you up and insist on SS respecting you, your SS will only get worse. Does SS have a relationship with his BM? Is she able to keep SS while DH is at work?

 

 

SuperHumanC
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:14 PM
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 I'm REALLY sorry you're going through this. I think it is horrible your DH doesn't stick up for you or take your side. I can't even imagine how that must make you feel. I hope he sees the error of his ways! Good luck ma!

rebeccasmly
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:16 PM
Yeah, I can see how that would be hard. Would your DH realize how serious things are if you suggest putting him in a day care or after school program until he gets off work? I realize you're a SAHM but that doesn't mean you have to put up with that. Your main problem is your DH though. Your SS will continue this behavior or even escalate as long as DH does nothing about it.

Quoting angel_peanut:

 BM  has him EOW. DH works and i am a SAHM....we live a good 30 mins away from BM and she also works. i do not think we could make it work for SS to be with BM when DH is not home but somethings got to give. H is lucky i did not snap when he said my nephew is no longer family he is nothing because he is dead


 


Quoting rebeccasmly:

If DH doesn't back you up and insist on SS respecting you, your SS will only get worse. Does SS have a relationship with his BM? Is she able to keep SS while DH is at work?

 


 

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angel_peanut
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:27 PM

 that may help him see that this is not just a little issue i am dealing with. for awhile i was only mad at SS but eventually i realized DH is just as much to blame if not more for not stepping in and backing me. we have been together 11yrs SS has lived with us for only 1yr i keep telling DH this is seriously straining our marriage but he always says i am over reacting. now if someone spoke to DH that way....ahhhh hell!!!


Quoting rebeccasmly:

Yeah, I can see how that would be hard. Would your DH realize how serious things are if you suggest putting him in a day care or after school program until he gets off work? I realize you're a SAHM but that doesn't mean you have to put up with that. Your main problem is your DH though. Your SS will continue this behavior or even escalate as long as DH does nothing about it.

Quoting angel_peanut:

 BM  has him EOW. DH works and i am a SAHM....we live a good 30 mins away from BM and she also works. i do not think we could make it work for SS to be with BM when DH is not home but somethings got to give. H is lucky i did not snap when he said my nephew is no longer family he is nothing because he is dead


 


Quoting rebeccasmly:

If DH doesn't back you up and insist on SS respecting you, your SS will only get worse. Does SS have a relationship with his BM? Is she able to keep SS while DH is at work?

 


 


 

angel_peanut
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:31 PM

very frustrating! sometimes i swear he does it just so i feel like crap cause he knows his dad will blow it off...kind of like a "haha dads got my back not yours " kind of thing. he almost makes it seem like he is trying to give DH the idea that i have it out for him or something which is not the case at all i just want some respect. he knows how hard i took the death of my nephew and that is has really messed me up emotionally and he plays off of it 

 

Quoting SuperHumanC:

 I'm REALLY sorry you're going through this. I think it is horrible your DH doesn't stick up for you or take your side. I can't even imagine how that must make you feel. I hope he sees the error of his ways! Good luck ma!

 

 

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