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Updated... DH over night at BM house

So my DH calls me today to say he is going over to the skids house to hang out because his ex has to work and the 10 yo sd is sick. He says he's going to be there late and then tells me how early he has to be up for work. I didn't put 2 and 2 together but at this hour I am assuming he was trying to tell me he was spending the night. I'm not ok with this! His ex is home around now and it's only a 1/2 hour a away. Talk me down please! I'm tempted to tell humid this happens again I'm out!

UPDATE.... He came home last night, turned out she didn't get home until 11:45. His phone was dead and he didn't get my text even when he plugged it in when he was getting into bed.



Just want to say thank you to everyone for the advice and reassurance that I'm not being over the top. Have a great day!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:13 AM
Replies (31-40):
achapman
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:31 AM

My DH pulled this b.s before we got married he swears nothing every happened but BM say's he would try to have sex with her its total b.s and i dumped his ass over it. We got over it obviously but it was not easy and we are currently still in therapy. When he gets home i would make it very clear that staying at any women's house let alone an ex is not acceptable and if it happened again he can kick rocks. idk girl i feel your pain and him Turing his phone off is b.s

CafeMom Tickers
Gezz3307
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM
4 moms liked this

NO F**KING WAY! this IS NOT ok! I'm sorry, but why the hell does he think it's ok to even go over there and spend time? My husband and I both have a child from a previous relationship and we pick our kids up and bring them home, sick or not, they can be sick at our house just as they can be at home. That is a stupid excuse and what's even more stupid is his excuse to stay there. So what if he has to work early, you live a half hour away. My husband and I wait out side for the other parent to walk the child out, we only talk to our ex's when it is regarding our child. There is never any reason to be hanging out inside their house or chatting it up about non child related issues, out of respect for eachother and our marriage. My personal opinion is that this man is cheating on you, for your sake I hope I'm wrong. But you need to figure out if that's the case and if not then you need to set some serious boundaries with him. He should be showing you more respect than that.

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:36 AM
5 moms liked this

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.


Quoting KLBrown:



Quoting macbudsmom:

Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?

he should've brought the daughter back to his own house




MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:40 AM
16 moms liked this
If they had to be at a sitter or another family members house the child would have gotten in a car. A car ride to dads house would have been acceptable. A married, faithful man does not spend the night, with his phone off, in another woman's home- especially not one with whom he has a romantic history.


Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.



Quoting KLBrown:





Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house







Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:47 AM
9 moms liked this

You know the saying, "If it walks like duck..." 

This is why a married individual, out of respect for his/her spouse, should avoid even the appearance of unfaithfulness.  You just don't put yourself in situation where something might occur or that may lead others to believe something did occur. I remember my dad telling me once that he purposely left his office door open during individual meetings at work as a protection to himself, so that no disgruntled employee could ever walk out accusing him of improper speech or behavior.  He was a supervisor over some "difficult" personalities.  That protocol isn't a far cry different from avoiding being behind closed doors with an ex (or other non-relative of the opposite sex) in what could later be construed as cheating or result in a he-said/she-said debate.   Protecting the integrity of a marriage takes more than a vow; it take proactively avoiding situations that could pose as a threat to the marriage.

 

Quoting Soniam301:

I was in a similar situation a few months ago. Except it was me who did the "wrong." i honestly didn't think my husband would have reacted and been so hurt about it. I let a mutual male friend of ours stay the night. He was deploying and his plans fell through to stay with another friend. I honestly thought myhusbsnd wouldn't mind and that he trusted me. (he was deployed) He was livid, didn't talk to me for two days. while I was on the mindset of just helping out a friend and why not, I have a guest room in the basement, he was like I can't believe you had a guy stay with you without me there!

 

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:55 AM
4 moms liked this

Child's needs trump an adult's insecurities.

I do understand the discomfort with him staying there, but my discomfort is secondary to a sick child and their needs.  Yes if she had to be moved, she could have been, but it simply wasn't necessary.



Quoting MommySabs:

If they had to be at a sitter or another family members house the child would have gotten in a car. A car ride to dads house would have been acceptable. A married, faithful man does not spend the night, with his phone off, in another woman's home- especially not one with whom he has a romantic history.


Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.



Quoting KLBrown:





Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house









steplifewife
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:57 AM
5 moms liked this

If his phone is off, How do you even know that he stayed at BM's house? It could be a cover story, and he could be with another woman altogether. Sorry, That is where my mind would go. 

IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:58 AM
3 moms liked this
So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.




Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.



Quoting KLBrown:





Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:05 AM
7 moms liked this

lol Yes, you guys are acting like I'm nuts.  I'm not saying for a simple cold, but if its' something more serious or stressing, then I see nothing wrong with it.  I think if there is some reason you can't trust your dh to do this, there are other issues in the marriage going on.  Whatever happened to trust?


Quoting IntactivistMama:

So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.




Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.



Quoting KLBrown:





Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house









pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:09 AM
6 moms liked this


Without further information, I have to go with your vibe, macbud.  If for some reason, DH had to spend the night at BMs because a kid was sick, I have no reason to not trust him.  If I went to BFs and found a seriously ill child, I would probably stay rather than move her.

i don't immediately go to inappropriate or kick him out.  I would be more worried about the sick kid.  How is she by the way?

Unless there is reason to not trust, why not just trust?  And if there are reasons not to trust, why stay married?

Quoting macbudsmom:

Child's needs trump an adult's insecurities.

I do understand the discomfort with him staying there, but my discomfort is secondary to a sick child and their needs.  Yes if she had to be moved, she could have been, but it simply wasn't necessary.



Quoting MommySabs:

If they had to be at a sitter or another family members house the child would have gotten in a car. A car ride to dads house would have been acceptable. A married, faithful man does not spend the night, with his phone off, in another woman's home- especially not one with whom he has a romantic history.


Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.



Quoting KLBrown:





Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house











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