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Updated... DH over night at BM house

So my DH calls me today to say he is going over to the skids house to hang out because his ex has to work and the 10 yo sd is sick. He says he's going to be there late and then tells me how early he has to be up for work. I didn't put 2 and 2 together but at this hour I am assuming he was trying to tell me he was spending the night. I'm not ok with this! His ex is home around now and it's only a 1/2 hour a away. Talk me down please! I'm tempted to tell humid this happens again I'm out!

UPDATE.... He came home last night, turned out she didn't get home until 11:45. His phone was dead and he didn't get my text even when he plugged it in when he was getting into bed.



Just want to say thank you to everyone for the advice and reassurance that I'm not being over the top. Have a great day!!
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:13 AM
Replies (41-50):
DDDaysh
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:25 AM
2 moms liked this

 That's the point that rubbed me the wrong way... 

At first I thought, eh, bonehead move, but maybe the kid really just was very sick and he didn't want to take her home and contaminate two houses, and it was late, and he just made a stupid, but innocent, bad decision while trying to be a good dad. 

But turning his phone off on top of not being up front about the fact that he was staying the night sort of makes the whole thing seem sinister. 

Quoting AmericanDream:

 Maybe... but turning his phone off?  No justification for that in my book. 

Quoting macbudsmom:

Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?

 

 

DDDaysh
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 But...  why turn his phone off.  I can see everything else possibly being innocent, but turning the phone actually "off" when your spouse is elsewhere, rather than just vibrate, seems a little shifty to me. 

Quoting macbudsmom:

lol Yes, you guys are acting like I'm nuts.  I'm not saying for a simple cold, but if its' something more serious or stressing, then I see nothing wrong with it.  I think if there is some reason you can't trust your dh to do this, there are other issues in the marriage going on.  Whatever happened to trust?

 

Quoting IntactivistMama:

So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.




Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.

 


Quoting KLBrown:

 


 


Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house


 

 


 


 

 

 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:32 AM
7 moms liked this
If the child was too sick to be moved they should have been at the hospital. It is inappropriate and has nothing to do with insecurity. If you were the wife in this situation you would be singing a different tune.


Quoting macbudsmom:

Child's needs trump an adult's insecurities.

I do understand the discomfort with him staying there, but my discomfort is secondary to a sick child and their needs.  Yes if she had to be moved, she could have been, but it simply wasn't necessary.




Quoting MommySabs:

If they had to be at a sitter or another family members house the child would have gotten in a car. A car ride to dads house would have been acceptable. A married, faithful man does not spend the night, with his phone off, in another woman's home- especially not one with whom he has a romantic history.





Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.




Quoting KLBrown:







Quoting macbudsmom:



Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?



he should've brought the daughter back to his own house














Posted on CafeMom Mobile
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:34 AM
11 moms liked this

Your DH is banging his ex. Move on.

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:35 AM

Yes I will give you that.  In this case the phone is an issue, and definitely makes one question his intentions.


Quoting DDDaysh:

 But...  why turn his phone off.  I can see everything else possibly being innocent, but turning the phone actually "off" when your spouse is elsewhere, rather than just vibrate, seems a little shifty to me. 

Quoting macbudsmom:

lol Yes, you guys are acting like I'm nuts.  I'm not saying for a simple cold, but if its' something more serious or stressing, then I see nothing wrong with it.  I think if there is some reason you can't trust your dh to do this, there are other issues in the marriage going on.  Whatever happened to trust?


Quoting IntactivistMama:

So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.




Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.



Quoting KLBrown:





Quoting macbudsmom:


Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?


he should've brought the daughter back to his own house









 



IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Is my DH supposed to tolerate me spending the night at my ex husband's place?! Hell no.

It's all about respect for our marriage. It is not respectful for a wife or husband to spend the night in an ex's home or a person of the opposite sex that is not a blood relative. If the skid is that sick, the parent he or she is with takes the day off work. Period.

Isn't the skid in question underage, anyway? Who is watching this child when her mother is at work?


Quoting macbudsmom:

lol Yes, you guys are acting like I'm nuts.  I'm not saying for a simple cold, but if its' something more serious or stressing, then I see nothing wrong with it.  I think if there is some reason you can't trust your dh to do this, there are other issues in the marriage going on.  Whatever happened to trust?



Quoting IntactivistMama:

So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.









Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.




Quoting KLBrown:







Quoting macbudsmom:



Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?



he should've brought the daughter back to his own house














Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Ealane2011
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:38 AM
2 moms liked this
This.
That shit wouldn't fly in my marriage. There's NO reason to spend the night at ANY other womens house. Nor for me to be at any mans house.
I'm sorry momma.


Quoting smurfbitebug:

It's pretty unreasonable to expect to have a relationship with someone and sleep over at other women's houses... no matter who the other woman is. So.. yeah. No matter how "trustworthy" either of them are it is unreasonable and unacceptable, not to mention disrespectful.

Sorry. I know that isn't really "talking you down".

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QueenBof6
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:39 AM
2 moms liked this
Time to leave.

Sorry.

This is all kinds of inappropriate.
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macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:39 AM
4 moms liked this

I don't know.  I guess I don't see it.  If you trust your partner, it shouldn't be an issue.  Now if it happened on a regular basis, that's different, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.


Quoting IntactivistMama:

Is my DH supposed to tolerate me spending the night at my ex husband's place?! Hell no.

It's all about respect for our marriage. It is not respectful for a wife or husband to spend the night in an ex's home or a person of the opposite sex that is not a blood relative. If the skid is that sick, the parent he or she is with takes the day off work. Period.

Isn't the skid in question underage, anyway? Who is watching this child when her mother is at work?


Quoting macbudsmom:

lol Yes, you guys are acting like I'm nuts.  I'm not saying for a simple cold, but if its' something more serious or stressing, then I see nothing wrong with it.  I think if there is some reason you can't trust your dh to do this, there are other issues in the marriage going on.  Whatever happened to trust?



Quoting IntactivistMama:

So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.









Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.




Quoting KLBrown:







Quoting macbudsmom:



Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?



he should've brought the daughter back to his own house
















IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:45 AM
I trust him completely. Her (or any other single woman) not so much

Also, DH and I have small children. They would be very upset if he was AWOL. He is the bath time guy etc.

Kind of moot anyway as skid is here far more than with his mom (her choice.)


Quoting macbudsmom:

I don't know.  I guess I don't see it.  If you trust your partner, it shouldn't be an issue.  Now if it happened on a regular basis, that's different, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.



Quoting IntactivistMama:

Is my DH supposed to tolerate me spending the night at my ex husband's place?! Hell no.



It's all about respect for our marriage. It is not respectful for a wife or husband to spend the night in an ex's home or a person of the opposite sex that is not a blood relative. If the skid is that sick, the parent he or she is with takes the day off work. Period.



Isn't the skid in question underage, anyway? Who is watching this child when her mother is at work?





Quoting macbudsmom:

lol Yes, you guys are acting like I'm nuts.  I'm not saying for a simple cold, but if its' something more serious or stressing, then I see nothing wrong with it.  I think if there is some reason you can't trust your dh to do this, there are other issues in the marriage going on.  Whatever happened to trust?




Quoting IntactivistMama:

So the divorced parent should spend the night?! Madness.














Quoting macbudsmom:

I disagree.  When a child is sick, they shouldn't be made to shuffle from house to house.





Quoting KLBrown:









Quoting macbudsmom:




Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?




he should've brought the daughter back to his own house























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