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Choose Now!!.... between me(the child) and her (the step mom).

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I am at a loss and really worried. My fiance's middle child is starting to make the father choose between him or me. To make matters worse the BM has a personality disorder and I have a hunch that she is guilting the kids to make them choose, especially the middle son who is easily manipulated. I have cried the past two nights the past two nights....I am at a loss on what to do. Any suggestions?

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:40 AM
Replies (31-40):
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 10:50 PM
2 moms liked this

 Exactly this! You can't choose between water and air. You need both. You can't choose between spouse and kid. Both should have their own place in your heart.

Quoting USBrit:

You don't have to do anything. If your fiance is a real man, he will see through this manipulation and be able to sit his middle child down and tell them that there is NO choice to be made. His relatioship with his children is a very different relationship than that of his Significant Other. He should be able to explain that both relationship can grow and blossom without conflict or competition. Would the middle child have done that with his own mother? NO! So DAD needs to be a man and have a serious conversation with this young man.


 

fantasticfour
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:06 AM

I'm sorry but you sound very insecure.  How do you know that this kid's mom is manipulating this child?  Perhaps the child doesn't like you for some reason or has some other internal struggle that requires more attention from dad than you would like him to have.

The man has kids.  If you can't deal with this, WALK AWAY NOW.

NewMamaBoo
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:06 AM

Why would he need to choose? Are you making it a bad home for the kids? 

roldansync
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:12 AM
1 mom liked this

There is nothing for you to do. It is up to your fiance to stand up to his son and explain that he is the parent. We went through this with my oldest stepson. He had ran off all his fathers girlfriends. It was rough and I went grey but here I am still standing. I survived my stepson, I can survive anything 

viv212
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:45 AM
My bf and I dealt with this and he nipped it in the bud right away.

First was the talk with the kids.

Then it was a talk with BM and their kids. They all sat down together. He made it clear I am not the mom but I'm there if the kids need anything, and that he loves them.

Your S/O should do the same if he can.
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Sweet_Carol_126
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:13 AM
1 mom liked this

First, your fiance should not be manipulated to have to choose.  He should have you and the child is free to do what she wants although he wants her love.  If he were to choose her, then he is not orth having as he doesn't love you enough and also can't control his kids and can be manipulated by them and that will lead to having a terrible life.  So if he leaves, run the other direction like mad.  The mother is probably a major problem and will be somewhat of a problem for you.  I don't know how many kids there are, but if the kids try to come between you, that can't be accepted.  You both need to be together on the same page, to love the child but not to take any  manipulation from the child. Good luck.

 

ame4c
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:08 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting rliperote2:

Yeah i agree. I dont like her title pick me or your kid.  To me thats her having a mental problem.  No man should pick a woman over there own child.  IF they did i wouldnt want them.

Quoting Derdriu:

In what situations? Taking sides in conflict? Giving attention?


 I do agree and understand what you said, however, I don't think telling your child that your fiance or new wife is not going anywhere would really be chosing between the kid or the new wife.

I believe that marriage takes 3.  Man, wife and God.  So in your marriage God comes 1st, then your marriage is second.  This does not mean that your children are of less importance, but that you do not allow them to come between your marriage.  It doesn't matter if these are skids or bio kids.  When you marry you become one person. 

Your children should be your focus as a married couple.  If this is not the case, then they probably shouldn't be married.

     ame4c





 

catenjar
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:52 AM

I believe that he likes me, I am wondering if he is feeling disloyal to his biological mother. He was fine for the first three week swhen we all started living together but then he started to withdrawal.

catenjar
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:56 AM

Don't be sorry for your opinion.  Maybe I am a little insecure as I have seen through my profession what can happen in situations like this. The BM is mentally ill and maniuplated the family when my Fiance was married to her. I do believe that the middle son is conflicted and yes we all bnedd to spend quality time together.


Thank you

rliperote2
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I dont agree with that. Considering people remarry have kids with multiple people.  I strongly believe NOTHING comes before your children.  Thats how i feel

Quoting ame4c:

 

Quoting rliperote2:

Yeah i agree. I dont like her title pick me or your kid.  To me thats her having a mental problem.  No man should pick a woman over there own child.  IF they did i wouldnt want them.

Quoting Derdriu:

In what situations? Taking sides in conflict? Giving attention?


 I do agree and understand what you said, however, I don't think telling your child that your fiance or new wife is not going anywhere would really be chosing between the kid or the new wife.

I believe that marriage takes 3.  Man, wife and God.  So in your marriage God comes 1st, then your marriage is second.  This does not mean that your children are of less importance, but that you do not allow them to come between your marriage.  It doesn't matter if these are skids or bio kids.  When you marry you become one person. 

Your children should be your focus as a married couple.  If this is not the case, then they probably shouldn't be married.


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