A couple people made comments on the Befriending post stating the idea that BM and SO/DH are no longer family.. It made me feel good and maybe even relieved that others shared that opinion..because this is a current ongoing topic in my situation that really bothers me and one that I've questioned whether I'm being unreasonable, or need to think differently. But overall my feeling stays strong that I could not accept the idea of my SO and BM behaving like they are a family unit.
In my situation: BM went from someone that was claiming to be afraid of my SO, defacing his character (attempted restraining orders, 3rd party pickups, false accusations) all which had them in court on a pretty regular basis for both criminal and probate. He wants joint physical custody and she doesn't want him to have it. (He has visitation on the weekend 2 full days each week)
The courts got sick and tired of their case and ordered them to go to coparenting counseling for a year (only a few month's left now). No more 3rd party pickups they do it themselves. Since the switchover BM completely switched over to "let's be best friends, let's go out to breakfast, things aren't that bad, maybe someday through counseling we can work things out get back together" even though at this point in time she had recently claimed she had gotten engaged.
He has told her many times that he is not interested in getting back together and he says no whenever she invites him to the zoo, breakfast, or any other family type activity including having a joint bday party. But she is the most persistant person I have ever seen, him saying no does not deter her. She is constantly pushing the topic, she's claiming to accept the fact of them not getting back together now but keeps pushing the idea of them being best friends and a family. She wants to send him texts and pictures of her experiences with their son as they happen and would like the same from him. She doesn't get it from him and she keeps bringing it up over and over in and out of counseling. In general she wants them to be and act like and communicate like family would.
He would love it if he never had to speak to this woman again but he needs to so he tries to keep the peace. He doesn't want things to be in and out of court like before but how bout just a civil coparenting relationship?
(In case ppl ask, SS is 3, BM and SO were never married and separated shortly after baby turned 1. I have been with SO for over 1 year.)
So what are your opinions about your DH/SO and BM being best friends or family? Would it bother you? Is it like that in your scenario? Something a SM needs to just suck up and get over?
on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:30 AM