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Husband trying to be the good guy

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:52 PM
  • 18 Replies
My husband tells me he wants his daughter to do chores and focus on her education but do unforced it.If I try yo unforced it he don't support me at all. He always give in and let her have her way.She is struggling in reading and math in school but he wont stop some of her extra curricular activities. She talks back to him she lies to him and when he finds out she has lied nothing is done. It really upsets me yo the point I can't stand to be around her or him at times He needs to step up and be the parent not the friend. What should I do, lately I've been staying away from them both ..
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:09 PM
2 moms liked this

I'd just focus on what ever good points you can find about your SD, and not worry about how he parents her. It's really his problem, not yours.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:21 PM
1 mom liked this

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem

 

krazykiddles
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:27 PM
3 moms liked this

I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem



annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:43 PM

 And where is the father of your kids?

Does your husband has kids?

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for YOUR kids, who will have the last word?

OP has the problem with her H not reinforcing the rules for SD. The BF is the one  who should have the decision making power,  he is the one who should be disciplinarian and etc. SP should just follow the BP rules. Period.

NMKNMP is the best help in this scenario. Let the dad handle his kid.

Quoting krazykiddles:

I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem

 



 

krazykiddles
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this

The dad of my kids lives in the same town and can see the kids whenever he wants to.  We don't have a set schedule, and I do not receive child support.  Yes my DH has two kids that we have every other weekend.  DH is the Head of Household.  We work together in parenting and decide how to discipline together.

Quoting annabl1970:

 And where is the father of your kids?

Does your husband has kids?

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for YOUR kids, who will have the last word?

OP has the problem with her H not reinforcing the rules for SD. The BF is the one  who should have the decision making power,  he is the one who should be disciplinarian and etc. SP should just follow the BP rules. Period.

NMKNMP is the best help in this scenario. Let the dad handle his kid.

Quoting krazykiddles:

I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem






annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:59 PM

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for HIS kids, who will have the last word?


Quoting krazykiddles:

The dad of my kids lives in the same town and can see the kids whenever he wants to.  We don't have a set schedule, and I do not receive child support.  Yes my DH has two kids that we have every other weekend.  DH is the Head of Household.  We work together in parenting and decide how to discipline together.

Quoting annabl1970:

 And where is the father of your kids?

Does your husband has kids?

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for YOUR kids, who will have the last word?

OP has the problem with her H not reinforcing the rules for SD. The BF is the one  who should have the decision making power,  he is the one who should be disciplinarian and etc. SP should just follow the BP rules. Period.

NMKNMP is the best help in this scenario. Let the dad handle his kid.

Quoting krazykiddles:

I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem

 


 

 



 

krazykiddles
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:05 AM

We have set rules for our household it doesn't matter if the kid is mine or his they are treated equally with equal expectations.  We have decided on consequences for actions that are not allowed and we do not speak ill of either parent in front of the kids. 

Quoting annabl1970:

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for HIS kids, who will have the last word?


Quoting krazykiddles:

The dad of my kids lives in the same town and can see the kids whenever he wants to.  We don't have a set schedule, and I do not receive child support.  Yes my DH has two kids that we have every other weekend.  DH is the Head of Household.  We work together in parenting and decide how to discipline together.

Quoting annabl1970:

 And where is the father of your kids?

Does your husband has kids?

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for YOUR kids, who will have the last word?

OP has the problem with her H not reinforcing the rules for SD. The BF is the one  who should have the decision making power,  he is the one who should be disciplinarian and etc. SP should just follow the BP rules. Period.

NMKNMP is the best help in this scenario. Let the dad handle his kid.

Quoting krazykiddles:

I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem









LoveonHollySt
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:27 AM

Same in our house.  If you live here (even for a little bit) the same rules apply.  We do not play favorites.  That leads to issues.  The kids need to know that I walk beside my DH and not behind him.  My oppinion counts just as much as his.  We talk things out so that we are on the same page first and then bring the kids into it.  The family unit cannot function if the gears do not connect.

Discuss the matter with DH and tell him the message you and your SD are receiving.  It is not fair to anyone that this is happening.  Then bring her into the conversation once you and DH have been able to come up with a solution.  You will then have to be the enforcer and hold HIM accountable for his actions (or lack thereof).

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:42 AM

If she's only at your house EOWE, then I guess I don't see why you'd be in a position where DH isn't there an available to do the parenting himself?

You can do this the hard way or the easy way.  You can beat your head against the wall and be frustrated or you can let DH know in no uncertain terms that your beef is with HIM and HIS actions or lack thereof.  You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. His expectations with regards to you and your SD are not realistic.  First of all, you don't turn around grades by working on school stuff 4 days a month.  So if he is concerned about her academics, he should be working with BM, the school, and the child.   If he wants her to do chores?  His deal.  But she's only there EOWE so what is the point?  Aside from picking up after herself, is that really how he wants to spend his already limited time with her each month?



PxbGirl
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:01 AM

I'm guessing you mean that disciplining them isn't your problem? Or you don't worry about them at all? I definitely take a back seat on parenting and let my husband deal with it. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem




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