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Husband trying to be the good guy

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My husband tells me he wants his daughter to do chores and focus on her education but do unforced it.If I try yo unforced it he don't support me at all. He always give in and let her have her way.She is struggling in reading and math in school but he wont stop some of her extra curricular activities. She talks back to him she lies to him and when he finds out she has lied nothing is done. It really upsets me yo the point I can't stand to be around her or him at times He needs to step up and be the parent not the friend. What should I do, lately I've been staying away from them both ..
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:52 PM
Replies (11-18):
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:23 AM
I don't discipline her at all. I don't worry about her either. Why should I?
She has parents, bunch of relatives from both side of her family to worry about her.
I have to worry about my own child, she has only me and my old parents.
I am NCSM, by the way.



Quoting PxbGirl:

I'm guessing you mean that disciplining them isn't your problem? Or you don't worry about them at all? I definitely take a back seat on parenting and let my husband deal with it. 


Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem







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annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this
I am not talking about equal treatment of all kids. I am asking if there is a disagreement between you and your H about something regarding SKs who will have last word?
BTW It's nice you have set rules for your household and all kids follow them.
A lot of stepfamilies don't have that luxury.
You can read in SMC many stories of frustrated SMs, they struggle with the same issue as OP.



Quoting krazykiddles:

We have set rules for our household it doesn't matter if the kid is mine or his they are treated equally with equal expectations.  We have decided on consequences for actions that are not allowed and we do not speak ill of either parent in front of the kids. 

Quoting annabl1970:

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for HIS kids, who will have the last word?




Quoting krazykiddles:


The dad of my kids lives in the same town and can see the kids whenever he wants to.  We don't have a set schedule, and I do not receive child support.  Yes my DH has two kids that we have every other weekend.  DH is the Head of Household.  We work together in parenting and decide how to discipline together.


Quoting annabl1970:


 And where is the father of your kids?


Does your husband has kids?


If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for YOUR kids, who will have the last word?


OP has the problem with her H not reinforcing the rules for SD. The BF is the one  who should have the decision making power,  he is the one who should be disciplinarian and etc. SP should just follow the BP rules. Period.


NMKNMP is the best help in this scenario. Let the dad handle his kid.


Quoting krazykiddles:


I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 


Quoting annabl1970:


Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem

















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1SpaZZedMom
by Librarian on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:51 PM

 BAzzzziiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!

this right here! :)

Quoting whatIknownow:

I'd just focus on what ever good points you can find about your SD, and not worry about how he parents her. It's really his problem, not yours.

 

          struit insidias lacrimis cum femina plorat.
When a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:53 PM


I agree. NMKNMP doesn't work in every scenario but it does seem to fit well with this one.

Quoting annabl1970:

 And where is the father of your kids?

Does your husband has kids?

If you and your H are in disagreement over the rules for YOUR kids, who will have the last word?

OP has the problem with her H not reinforcing the rules for SD. The BF is the one  who should have the decision making power,  he is the one who should be disciplinarian and etc. SP should just follow the BP rules. Period.

NMKNMP is the best help in this scenario. Let the dad handle his kid.

Quoting krazykiddles:

I am sure glad that my DH doesn't feel this way about my kids that live with us full-time. 

Quoting annabl1970:

Learn golden rule of step parenting: not my kid not my problem







USBrit
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:58 PM

Keep staying away! Let them figure out their relationship. I think you are smart to go find something else that you "enjoy" to take your mind off the drama.

shanlee42
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:09 PM
I think you should step back.
jakay
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:01 AM
No she lives with us and goes to her BM every weekend, she iwith me every day stern school and she is so spoiled by them to the point that she is basically raising her self she has no rules to following so when told to do anything by any adult she dies it when and if she feels like it.
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jakay
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:01 AM
No she lives with us and goes to her BM every weekend, she iwith me every day stern school and she is so spoiled by them to the point that she is basically raising her self she has no rules to following so when told to do anything by any adult she dies it when and if she feels like it.
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