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Please tell me I am jumping to conclusions...

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:59 AM
  • 18 Replies
On 3 different occasions now, ss4 has done stuff to make me question this. The first time, my dad was watching ss4 and dd2 for dh and me while we ran to an appt. We were gone about an hour. When we got back my dad said that after running around ss got hot and took his shirt off. Ss then looked at dd2 and told her to take hers off too, that he wanted "to see her boobies". I had a long talk with him about girls being different then boys and that he can't talk to anyone like that. He really seemed to understand.


Second time: It was a night he came home from visitation at bm's house. I grabbed his pjs and went and stood in the bathroom while he finished going potty so I could give him his clothes. He looked at me and said, "Mama, boys have little pee holes and girls have big pee holes." I was dumbfounded! I asked who told him that and he said grandpa (that's what he calls bm's grandpa who she lives with. My dad and stepdad are both Papa, so I know he wasn't talking about them.)


Then tonight, when he got home from bm's he seemed to be in a great mood. We put the kids to bed (they are sharing a room for the time being) and heard them giggling and playing around. Dh went in and told them to knock it off and go to sleep. About 20 minutes later, they were giggling again. I go in there and hear dd say "touch it". my dd is in ss's bed with her diaper off. I told her to go in the bathroom and go potty. Asked ss what dd was telling him to touch and he wouldn't answer, finally said "uhhhh the wall". I went into the bathroom and asked dd what she was telling ss to touch and she pointed right to her vagina. I had her lay down so I could put her diaper back on, and she had a pink mark on her upper leg and on the outside of her crotch. I don't know if it was from ss or if it was from her pulling on herself to tell me where her brother touched her. I don't know what to do. Dh doesn't think it's anything, but I'm not so sure. I have looked up signs of abuse and ss doesn't really fit any of it. Is he just being curious, or should we be taking him somewhere to talk to someone?


Bm claims to have been abused sexually by her grandmother, but she is a compulsive liar and drug addict, so I don't know how much I believe it. I can't see her abusing ss, but I also didn't see her turning into the heroine junky she became, either.


I'm terrified for both SS and for my DD. Is this normal curiosity stuff, or do we need to have ss see someone? I have asked him before, if anyone touches him and he said no.
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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:59 AM
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MsNeene
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:15 AM
2 moms liked this
Hmmmm. That's a tough one. Sexual abuse is always a scary thing when it comes to kids. I would definitely keep a close eye on the situation and monitor it.

Also you are right in the fact that kids are very curious at that age. My son being 3 and my daughter being 4 I know first hand. They are very Close and have been since my son was born when my dauhter was one. However I have had to redirect some things with them and kindly explain that boys and girls are "different". They share everything and are each others best friends. So naturally when we upgraded my DS so "boxer briefs" in a bigger size and they now come with a little hole for his boy parts to come through he wanted to how my daughter. All I heard was "look I've got hole in my boxers want to see it?" He was just very excited about it and wanted to show his sister. DH and I pulled him aside and DH expalined to him that he was very excited he liked his new big boy boxers but that this wasnt something he should show to his sister or anyone else. They had a little "man Convo" and DS hasn't done it since. Or when my DS came in my room while I was dressing and asked me where my "wee wee" was. Or the time he asked me why I had "hills" on my chest and he didnt o_O I chalk them all up to curiosity. I always or my DH always has little conversations with him about these things and answer him best we can without going into to much detail. I think it's normal though for him at that age to be curious however I would watch and see if it gets worse or better after your talks. If you talk to him and he stops I think it's fine but if it continues with the same things or gets worse I'd say look into it
captaincw322
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:21 AM
I am hoping to God that its just curiosity. We've had to have the same talks about boys being different than girls, and have stopped bathing them together. I want to ask questions to find out, but at the same time I'm worried about putting ideas in his head.

Quoting MsNeene:

Hmmmm. That's a tough one. Sexual abuse is always a scary thing when it comes to kids. I would definitely keep a close eye on the situation and monitor it.



Also you are right in the fact that kids are very curious at that age. My son being 3 and my daughter being 4 I know first hand. They are very Close and have been since my son was born when my dauhter was one. However I have had to redirect some things with them and kindly explain that boys and girls are "different". They share everything and are each others best friends. So naturally when we upgraded my DS so "boxer briefs" in a bigger size and they now come with a little hole for his boy parts to come through he wanted to how my daughter. All I heard was "look I've got hole in my boxers want to see it?" He was just very excited about it and wanted to show his sister. DH and I pulled him aside and DH expalined to him that he was very excited he liked his new big boy boxers but that this wasnt something he should show to his sister or anyone else. They had a little "man Convo" and DS hasn't done it since. Or when my DS came in my room while I was dressing and asked me where my "wee wee" was. Or the time he asked me why I had "hills" on my chest and he didnt o_O I chalk them all up to curiosity. I always or my DH always has little conversations with him about these things and answer him best we can without going into to much detail. I think it's normal though for him at that age to be curious however I would watch and see if it gets worse or better after your talks. If you talk to him and he stops I think it's fine but if it continues with the same things or gets worse I'd say look into it
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ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:02 AM
Man, this is one of the reasons I am glad I will not be having kids. I don't think I could handle this behavior very well.

Two years ago, SS was 7 and he went to give SO a hug. They were both watching TV and laid on the couch together and SS laid on top of SO. I was cooking dinner and I hear SO yell "what are you doing?" And he seemed bewildered not mad. SS said, "I'm cuddling."

I turned around to look at them, and SO looked absolutely confused, appalled and shocked at the same time. He then said, "I don't know who told you that is cuddling but don't do it." And SS replied, "my mom cuddles me like that."

SS had started humping SO. Talk about a very confusing time. Not to mention the behavior he exhibited towards his female classmates for a while. Ugh. And he was 7, not 4. BM was molested by a male family member when she was young and it was never addressed when she was a kid so it manifested into self-mutilation and bulimia. It isn't something to take lightly.

My nephew was obsessed with boobs up until the last 6 months. He will be five on March. I'm going to say your SS is just curious. If there was other abuse, there would be more definite signs, I believe.


Quoting MsNeene:

Hmmmm. That's a tough one. Sexual abuse is always a scary thing when it comes to kids. I would definitely keep a close eye on the situation and monitor it.



Also you are right in the fact that kids are very curious at that age. My son being 3 and my daughter being 4 I know first hand. They are very Close and have been since my son was born when my dauhter was one. However I have had to redirect some things with them and kindly explain that boys and girls are "different". They share everything and are each others best friends. So naturally when we upgraded my DS so "boxer briefs" in a bigger size and they now come with a little hole for his boy parts to come through he wanted to how my daughter. All I heard was "look I've got hole in my boxers want to see it?" He was just very excited about it and wanted to show his sister. DH and I pulled him aside and DH expalined to him that he was very excited he liked his new big boy boxers but that this wasnt something he should show to his sister or anyone else. They had a little "man Convo" and DS hasn't done it since. Or when my DS came in my room while I was dressing and asked me where my "wee wee" was. Or the time he asked me why I had "hills" on my chest and he didnt o_O I chalk them all up to curiosity. I always or my DH always has little conversations with him about these things and answer him best we can without going into to much detail. I think it's normal though for him at that age to be curious however I would watch and see if it gets worse or better after your talks. If you talk to him and he stops I think it's fine but if it continues with the same things or gets worse I'd say look into it

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captaincw322
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:13 AM
Bump!
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captaincw322
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:15 AM
That is what I am hoping, that there would be more signs, but its so scary when your own child is thrown in the mix. I have an older brother and we never acted that way when we were kids.
What kind of help (if any) did you guys get your ss? Does he still live with his mom, or did you guys get custody?


Quoting ManicAttack:

Man, this is one of the reasons I am glad I will not be having kids. I don't think I could handle this behavior very well.



Two years ago, SS was 7 and he went to give SO a hug. They were both watching TV and laid on the couch together and SS laid on top of SO. I was cooking dinner and I hear SO yell "what are you doing?" And he seemed bewildered not mad. SS said, "I'm cuddling."



I turned around to look at them, and SO looked absolutely confused, appalled and shocked at the same time. He then said, "I don't know who told you that is cuddling but don't do it." And SS replied, "my mom cuddles me like that."



SS had started humping SO. Talk about a very confusing time. Not to mention the behavior he exhibited towards his female classmates for a while. Ugh. And he was 7, not 4. BM was molested by a male family member when she was young and it was never addressed when she was a kid so it manifested into self-mutilation and bulimia. It isn't something to take lightly.



My nephew was obsessed with boobs up until the last 6 months. He will be five on March. I'm going to say your SS is just curious. If there was other abuse, there would be more definite signs, I believe.




Quoting MsNeene:

Hmmmm. That's a tough one. Sexual abuse is always a scary thing when it comes to kids. I would definitely keep a close eye on the situation and monitor it.





Also you are right in the fact that kids are very curious at that age. My son being 3 and my daughter being 4 I know first hand. They are very Close and have been since my son was born when my dauhter was one. However I have had to redirect some things with them and kindly explain that boys and girls are "different". They share everything and are each others best friends. So naturally when we upgraded my DS so "boxer briefs" in a bigger size and they now come with a little hole for his boy parts to come through he wanted to how my daughter. All I heard was "look I've got hole in my boxers want to see it?" He was just very excited about it and wanted to show his sister. DH and I pulled him aside and DH expalined to him that he was very excited he liked his new big boy boxers but that this wasnt something he should show to his sister or anyone else. They had a little "man Convo" and DS hasn't done it since. Or when my DS came in my room while I was dressing and asked me where my "wee wee" was. Or the time he asked me why I had "hills" on my chest and he didnt o_O I chalk them all up to curiosity. I always or my DH always has little conversations with him about these things and answer him best we can without going into to much detail. I think it's normal though for him at that age to be curious however I would watch and see if it gets worse or better after your talks. If you talk to him and he stops I think it's fine but if it continues with the same things or gets worse I'd say look into it

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tottaxi
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:32 AM
1 mom liked this

This strikes a cord with me, too.

What should a person do when this sort of behavior occurs?  DS5 knows waaay too much about exmil's body...he's told me she doesn't wear underwear, has a hairy peepee, his dad has had him touch his penis and told him that it tickles.  They shower together and I can only picture him having his head at the height of dad's privates...what a view!  This shit weirds me out.  I've let DS's therapist know what is going on, but thusfar hasn't really given me any clues on how to address it...she's still trying to figure out exactly what is going on.

Now DS is very proud of hugging the little girls in his class.  I tell him hugs aren't required for friendship and that he should keep his hands to himself.

I'm curious as to the advice you receive.  I could use some myself!

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:39 AM
That is tough as it could be normal curiosity or otherwise. If he doesn't show other signs of abuse then perhaps it's nothing. I'm really not sure but I hope you figure it out and feel more comfortable with the situation soon. Hugs.
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captaincw322
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:45 AM
Thank you, me too! Who knew being not only a mom and stepmom could be so hard?!?

Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

That is tough as it could be normal curiosity or otherwise. If he doesn't show other signs of abuse then perhaps it's nothing. I'm really not sure but I hope you figure it out and feel more comfortable with the situation soon. Hugs.
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:51 AM
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We went through that period.  Whenever the 3 skid- very close in age got together they stripped- around when the oldest was 3-4 and the youngest was 1-2.  We just limited the times they were alone together.  We couldn't even go to the bathroom without someone stripping for a while.  It passed.  SS was OBSESSED with boobies from 3-5 too.  That has passed too.  We couldn't let them go to bed together though- We put them to bed in shifts.  That worked much better.

Although it is normal- I would keep a very close eye on it just in case.  It is perfectly fine for them to know that boys and girls are different.  And I think they should be taught the correct terms. 

JustaSM231
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:10 AM

You might check out a few books on child development and see what the "experts" say about sexual development.  I think this is probably very normal and the correct age for children to start recognizing differences between boys and girls and be curious about exploring.  It doesn't sound too concerning at this point, but I would make sure you keep explaining to both SS and DD about appropriateand inappropriate  touching.

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