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Sometimes "right" is so unclear..

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DH is completely conflicted about how to deal with BM (and I'm in the same boat). She's made some bad decisions that are affecting us, and I'm not sure whether he/we should let it all slide, or pursue action against her. Its a joint custody situation: SD14 and SS12 live with her, but fly to us for all summer and holidays. They divorced in 2006; I met and married DH in 2009, and we have two small kids together.

The situation: His ex signed deposited at least two checks in 2011 made out to "BM AND DH," -- money that should have been half DH's. She also did not pay income tax on the money, so the IRS is pursuing DH and I (joint return) for the income tax and penalties (over $1000 total we owe for money we never knew about). We have documentation proving she lied to a bank, a Senator's office, and the IRS -- both denying that she received money and telling them she was a married military spouse (and so she received thousands in military benefits). She also refuses to take his name off the utilities.

I don't know how seriously the law would take her actions, I can't really find anything and our divorce/family attorney doesn't know. And dh doesn't want to take action without understanding how it would affect the kids.

For those who might say, "let DH handle it" -- it's our joint tax return that is goofed up, and the IRS will go after me for the money too. Also, if DH's credit gets screwed because of her, that affects me next time we go to buy a car. If I had this kind of information (identity theft, misrepresenting facts to federal agency, and bank fraud) on anyone BESIDES BM, I'd have ALREADY contacted the authorities!

I'm looking for constructive thoughts of how to proceed. Let it go? Or put the truth in the hands of the law and see what happens?

What scares me is that after getting away with this so far, there's nothing to stop her from doing it again in the future!!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM
Replies (11-11):
fantasticfour
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this

If you would have contacted the authorities on anyone BUT bm then contact the authorities.

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