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Don't you typically tell your older children when you have a baby?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:42 PM
  • 21 Replies
I have tried so hard not to look at BMs Facebook. Then I get a message from fb saying "BM posted a new picture" and shows a picture of her new baby. So of course, curiosity gets the best of me and I go digging over the past couple months of her posts. She had her baby almost a month ago. SD has no idea she now has a brother :(

When I found out BM was pregnant, I was really annoyed. For a multitude of reasons, mostly bc she doesn't even talk to or see SD or her YDD, so she should obviously just stop having children. I don't think she deserves to get to restart a family every time one doesn't work out the way she wants. I also want to have a baby but I know it's not the right time and DS and SD need us so we are waiting for some things to settle down and we are just trying to do the right thing by waiting. So lots of emotions about the whole thing when I found out she was pregnant. I got over my own emotions, after all what she does really has no direct impact on me. But it does impact SD greatly. She feels so abandoned by her BM, we have been through so much with SD and the issues BM has caused for her without even considering that what she does has an affect on SD. So I stopped looking at her fb, it was pointless really.

Now I had to look. I'm mad, so mad for SD. So mad that BM never even called to tell SD she was pregnant, and still hasn't called to let her know she has a brother. How do you just skip that part of telling your kid they are a big brother/sister? I'm sure I've vented here before I just still can't get over this whole situation.
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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EmilyJ604
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:48 PM

WOW really???? What happened bt sd and her mom that they dont talk? You are a GREAT person for stepping up and being there for your sd:)

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:49 PM
Yup she's selfish. It would make me mad too. What are you going to do? Are you considering telling SD?
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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Messed up no doubt!  I don't know if I would mention it to stepdaughter though.  I would hate to get her hopes up and all excited about a baby brother that she wont get to see.  From OP's post doesn't sound like much contact with the mom.  Sad deal.  Know what I mean?


Quoting momof2ex1:

Yup she's selfish. It would make me mad too. What are you going to do? Are you considering telling SD?


 

TJandKarasMom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:04 PM
SD is 9. BM happened, she just stopped calling one day. She has a YDD that is 5 and she was calling her during most of the pregnancy as far as we know, we talked to that ones grandma right before Christmas. Literally basically as soon as she got pregnant (which happened most likely during her last visit with the YDD) she stopped calling SD. She had YDD for two weeks and didn't call SD during that time or ever again after basically. She did call once on SDs bday at 9:30pm promising to call her on Saturday but she never did...and SD was sleeping so BM just left a message.

It's so sad for SD. She did nothing wrong. And then BM changed her number so SD couldn't even call her if she wanted to. But SD had stopped calling her a couple years ago when BM never answered and wouldn't call back. So then BM was calling maybe once or twice a month (I can't remember details anymore, but we do have it all documented). Then she just stopped calling.


Quoting EmilyJ604:

WOW really???? What happened bt sd and her mom that they dont talk? You are a GREAT person for stepping up and being there for your sd:)


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TJandKarasMom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:06 PM
I had considered it months ago when she was pregnant. Then decided it wasn't my place and I really didn't want SD to get excited about a new baby that she would hardly (if at all) see. Then I stopped looking at fb so I would just have no info and then I wouldn't be lying, you know? But I apparently have little self control and just had to look so now I know. I don't want to tell SD, I can just imagine the issues...that she is abandoned and now replaced and she wont know the baby. She had a hard time when she met BMs dogs and never saw them again, I cannot imagine how it will be when she hears she has a brother and will never see him!


Quoting momof2ex1:

Yup she's selfish. It would make me mad too. What are you going to do? Are you considering telling SD?

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Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:06 PM

That's sad. I feel so bad for your sd

DDDaysh
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:13 PM

DS's dad didn't...  I think I posted on here for advice and finally decided I should tell DS.  

I haven't had any more kids, but since DS lives with me, he'd probably know WAY ahead of time.  

TJandKarasMom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:29 PM
That's where I'm at at this point too, no sense in telling her something that will only do harm to her wellbeing. Nothing good would come of me telling SD. And I feel if it comes back later and SD asks why I never told her if I knew, I can tell her honestly I thought it was better for her to keep going on with her life not worrying about a baby that is not her responsibility and she will most likely never know as a brother.


Quoting saywhat2102:

Messed up no doubt!  I don't know if I would mention it to stepdaughter though.  I would hate to get her hopes up and all excited about a baby brother that she wont get to see.  From OP's post doesn't sound like much contact with the mom.  Sad deal.  Know what I mean?




Quoting momof2ex1:

Yup she's selfish. It would make me mad too. What are you going to do? Are you considering telling SD?



 


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TJandKarasMom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:34 PM
SD has been part of our decision to have or to wait to have a baby, lol. Poor kid, so over involved on one side and completely uninvolved on the other. She was a big part of our marriage (at the town hall, no real big deal) and BM never told SD she got married at all, DH ended up telling her BM had married a guy that she had skype with SD and referred to has her 'friend.'

DS and SD would be the first to know (aside from DH) if/when I get pregnant. It will be sooo hard to wait until 12 weeks to tell them!! I can't imagine giving either of them a sibling and never sharing it with them! Even if they didn't live with me, I would skype with the constantly so they could be a part of it.

What made you decide to tell DS? Does he see his sibling or BF at all?


Quoting DDDaysh:

DS's dad didn't...  I think I posted on here for advice and finally decided I should tell DS.  

I haven't had any more kids, but since DS lives with me, he'd probably know WAY ahead of time.  


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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:40 PM

SO sad :(  Poor kiddo....best of luck<3

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

That's where I'm at at this point too, no sense in telling her something that will only do harm to her wellbeing. Nothing good would come of me telling SD. And I feel if it comes back later and SD asks why I never told her if I knew, I can tell her honestly I thought it was better for her to keep going on with her life not worrying about a baby that is not her responsibility and she will most likely never know as a brother.


Quoting saywhat2102:

Messed up no doubt!  I don't know if I would mention it to stepdaughter though.  I would hate to get her hopes up and all excited about a baby brother that she wont get to see.  From OP's post doesn't sound like much contact with the mom.  Sad deal.  Know what I mean?


 


Quoting momof2ex1:

Yup she's selfish. It would make me mad too. What are you going to do? Are you considering telling SD?

 


 



 

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