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Excited and Nervous

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:48 PM
  • 22 Replies

So the timing is set for me to move in with my SO and SD6. I'll be moving in during the summer based on when I can rent my place. I'm getting very excited but also super-nervous...

I have no kids of my own and don't have experience living with a young child (he has her 1/2 the time). The three of us have been spending lots of time together and she and I get along great but visiting at my house and living together are two very different things.

She loves to visit because we play. We color (I LOVE TO COLOR!!), do crafts, bake and play outside. Right now I'm her playmate and she loves it. She's loving (sits on my lap to color, gives hugs, etc.) and very sweet but I wonder what it will be like when I'm around all the time and can't spend all my time with her playing.

Any thoughts/advise? I'm reading a lot of books and articles, but would love to hear some real life examples of what works and what doesn't work (understanding, of course, that every situation is different).

Hope everyone with me in the NE is staying safe in the BLIZZARD!!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:01 PM
I was a single working woman with my own home. No kids, no younder sibs and a very healthy dating life then BAM! I met my husband:-) he was a single father with an adorable son. After a couple of months I met his son and bribed him with starburst (yea I did it!)

Now, years later I am a very proud wife and a csm to the most awesome lil dude in the world (I'm bias lol) I love my life! You have to find what works for you. Just know that your going in eyes wide open, he's got a child.

If you really see what a gift it can be to have someone(your so) to trust you with what has to be the most important thing in his world. Its the biggest ode to trust and love there is....
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saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:03 PM
Oh! Stay safe all my snowed in smc friends! I'm in SC its all good here bahahahahaha! No, really stay safe and warm! ;-)
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packermomof2
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:06 PM

Why can't you spend your time with her playing?   Her parents are doing fine in the parenting dept with you being the playmate as it is, so is there a need to change that just because you'll be in the same domicile a bit more?

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:12 PM

who says you cant!? I do! I spend all my free time playing with my stepkids :)

Just keep being there for her the way you have been.

No need to change anything

krazykiddles
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:18 PM
3 moms liked this

Did you mean that since you will be taking on the wifey role, such a cooking, cleaning and other domestic chores that is what will keep you from playing with her?  The Bio Moms on here will tear you to pieces if you try to step into a parenting role at all the child.  Just thought I would give you the heads up!!!

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:20 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting packermomof2:

Why can't you spend your time with her playing?   Her parents are doing fine in the parenting dept with you being the playmate as it is, so is there a need to change that just because you'll be in the same domicile a bit more?

I think in this case OP meant that she couldn't play all the time. She would have other things to do. Clean, personal things that don't involve the kid. At least I took it that way. I know its different be a fun visitor to a live-in who has other things to do besides play (like in my DH's case he went from playtime guy visitor to live-in I have homework guy)

OP- for now stay fun. Let Bd continue doing the parenting at his home. And remember its ok to say you can't play right then and then do something fun later.

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

keri5374
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:21 PM

No, not planning on parenting... she has a wonderful mother and father.

mamaslove11
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a SM and I parent. You might not  be his BM but the key work in SM is mom. You are still gonna be a mom to that little girl when you move in and as she is around you longer she will look up to you for advice and guidance. I do nto see how you are going to be able to advoid being a parent to her. I play with my ss who is seven years old but I also teach him how to act. I teach him manners. I teach him how to act at the supper table, ect. I tell him to clean his room and if he doesn't he is in trouble. I tell him to do his homework and help him with his homework. I expect him to respect me as much as he does his parents. In fact he respects me more than his parents and he loves me just as much. Once you move in she will understand that you are not just her playmate but also have adult responsibilities. Just get down tp her level and explain things on her level. You will be just fine I am sure.

Two_Hearts
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:03 PM

I would suggest staying at his place a little more often , and not so much your place when he has her.

Start being there...start showing her how it is going to be like when you all do live together , that way it wont be such a huge change for her when you do make the move.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:10 PM
2 moms liked this
Is his father incapable of doing all of those things for him? My husband is not a dad to my daughter. He is a playmate, he is a mentor, he is a tutor but he doesn't tell her to clean her room or take a bath or correct her manners, I am very capable of doing that. Like the OP said, the child already has two wonderful parents. She already has a mom. I can tell already that this OP is going to have a wonderful relationship with her SOs daughter because she already is showing that she knows that the parents are wonderful parents and don't need her to step in and take over. That little girl will look up to her but it likely will be in a way like my daughter looks up to her Godmother. She trusts her Godmother, she loves her, she can talk to her about things.. It's a great relationship. My ex and I picked her to be our daughter's Godmother when she was born because we knew that she was someone that we wanted our daughter to look up to and model. I can see SMs in that same light. Identical to my daughter's Godmother. She has never parented my child although MOTHER is in her title. She would never dream of stepping in and claiming to be a 'mother' or 'mom' to my child. She loves her and is there for her, she is proud of my daughter, and adores her. When she is around it's all about DD. they do fun stuff together. I see nothing wrong with that relationship.


Quoting mamaslove11:

I am a SM and I parent. You might not  be his BM but the key work in SM is mom. You are still gonna be a mom to that little girl when you move in and as she is around you longer she will look up to you for advice and guidance. I do nto see how you are going to be able to advoid being a parent to her. I play with my ss who is seven years old but I also teach him how to act. I teach him manners. I teach him how to act at the supper table, ect. I tell him to clean his room and if he doesn't he is in trouble. I tell him to do his homework and help him with his homework. I expect him to respect me as much as he does his parents. In fact he respects me more than his parents and he loves me just as much. Once you move in she will understand that you are not just her playmate but also have adult responsibilities. Just get down tp her level and explain things on her level. You will be just fine I am sure.


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