Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Apparently we are the punching bags for SD....

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:21 PM
  • 15 Replies

So earlier today I was talking to SD11 in the kitchen because she was asking about when her BM is coming to visit (BM is coming to town next weekend to go house hunting). Anyway, she started picking on her brother and so my SS9 tells her that no one likes her...she's mean to everyone (typical sibling rivalries). SD responds that her BM likes her and so I quickly mention that DH and I like her too... and then in my sarcastic tone added "sometimes" followed quickly by "I'm just kidding". We joke around like that alot and she totally knew I was joking so she says "yeah, well I act different at when I'm with BM because I don't wan to stress her out". So again, semi-joking I say "but your okay with stressing your Dad and I out??", SD then explained that it's because Dad and I can handle it better, Mom gets upset easier etc... I just kind of laugh it iff because I don't want to start a debate or anything but I was thinking, great, so apparently DH and I are seen as the punching bag because we can handle it better....sigh. Honestly though, SD is correct but it still sucks that we have to endure more of SDs drama, not that I want BM to have drama but I just don't see why SD feels it's okay to act out with us either. And when I say act out I mean stuff like bothering her little brother, giving attitude, being overly silly/sarcastic to the point where it becomes disrespectful etc. It's not like we let her get away with it, we just simply correct her or give an appropriate punishment, DH is not a pushover. Anyone else deal with this? I guess this is just a mini vent.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:29 PM
6 moms liked this

Sounds like a compliment.  She feels safe and comfortable being her self with you guys.  Doesn't sound like she's a bad kid, just normal.  Keep doing what your doing.  = )

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:42 PM

 

Thanks, I think your right. I do feel kind of bad for SD that she feels she has to act a certain way to please BM though. I get why she thinks that way because BM does have her ups and downs but I'm hoping their relationship improves over time with BM living closer. SD adores BM but I feel like she views BM as more of a big sister (SD has said this) than a mom.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Sounds like a compliment.  She feels safe and comfortable being her self with you guys.  Doesn't sound like she's a bad kid, just normal.  Keep doing what your doing.  = )


 

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Tough situation, but sounds like you have provided a safe and loving home. Kudos to you.


Quoting rocknmom85:

 


Thanks, I think your right. I do feel kind of bad for SD that she feels she has to act a certain way to please BM though. I get why she thinks that way because BM does have her ups and downs but I'm hoping their relationship improves over time with BM living closer. SD adores BM but I feel like she views BM as more of a big sister (SD has said this) than a mom.


Quoting macbudsmom:


Sounds like a compliment.  She feels safe and comfortable being her self with you guys.  Doesn't sound like she's a bad kid, just normal.  Keep doing what your doing.  = )




 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:11 PM
1 mom liked this
So funny because dd11 and I JUST had a talk like this last night. She was telling her friend about her stepsister always being disrespectful to dad and SM. I asked dd if she ever does that and she said 'heck no! I'm scared to disrespect them, they spank with a spatula and I don't want to get spanked'. So I asked her what her stepsister does that is disrespectful and she said rolls her eyes, sighs really loud, slams her door typical 11 year old 'drama'. Well my dd acts like that here. Or she has been trying to act like that here but we don't spank so I guess she isn't scared of us the way she is of her dad and SM. I take it as a compliment. She is free to be herself around me. She is comfortable with me. She knows I'm not going to flip my lid if she happens to have a hormonal hot mess of a day. It isn't that she walks all over me either. I have been told well apparently dad and SM discipline her. No. That isn't it either. She doesn't get away with it here but she isn't scared of me bc I do not use my hands or my kitchen utensils to punish her. All kids will try to push their boundaries to see how far they can push. It's natural. Especially at the age of 11!! But when a child is scared to push those boundaries, I would not take that as a compliment, it would make me think about what I'm doing to my child. My daughter has also learned to hide things from her dad and to omit information that she is scared he will flip out over. My dd talks openly to me because she knows I won't ever walk away from her. I would take it as a compliment of your relationship.
PS my dd picks on her little brother too. I think it's because she loves him so much.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:15 PM
It is extremely stressful on my dd bc she has to be someone else at her dad's. when she comes home she has to decompress. If she were older i would probably offer her a margarita because it can't be easy being on edge the entire weekend ... It's hard enough on an adult, even harder on a child.


Quoting rocknmom85:

 


Thanks, I think your right. I do feel kind of bad for SD that she feels she has to act a certain way to please BM though. I get why she thinks that way because BM does have her ups and downs but I'm hoping their relationship improves over time with BM living closer. SD adores BM but I feel like she views BM as more of a big sister (SD has said this) than a mom.


Quoting macbudsmom:


Sounds like a compliment.  She feels safe and comfortable being her self with you guys.  Doesn't sound like she's a bad kid, just normal.  Keep doing what your doing.  = )




 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:18 PM
It's wonderful that she feels safe enough at your home to express herself fully. However, this does not give her the right or the excuse to treat you all badly. Your other children do not deserve to be the punching bag for her feelings about her mother. Instead, she should work with a therapist on how to appropriately express herself in all situations.

This will only get worse as she hits her teen years. Do not allow her pain and acting out become the dominating force in your family.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AmericanChild82
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:20 PM

 I've had this almost exact conversation with my dd. She lives with her dad(long story). When she's home with me and dh, she's told us she feels more like herself. She's able to voice her opinion and not feel like she'll get in trouble for it like at her dads. She's a pretty loving and outgoing 12 yr old but when her dad is around she's quiet, shy and very reserved. She's a great kid, I just wish her dad would lay off and let her be a 12 yr old girl.

Quoting rocknmom85:

 

Thanks, I think your right. I do feel kind of bad for SD that she feels she has to act a certain way to please BM though. I get why she thinks that way because BM does have her ups and downs but I'm hoping their relationship improves over time with BM living closer. SD adores BM but I feel like she views BM as more of a big sister (SD has said this) than a mom.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Sounds like a compliment.  She feels safe and comfortable being her self with you guys.  Doesn't sound like she's a bad kid, just normal.  Keep doing what your doing.  = )

 

 

 

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:28 PM

 Agreed. SD is overdue for getting counseling, she has alot of anxiety, very up and down moods, pessimistic and almost paranoid viewpoint. We are a little concerned that she may develop bipolar like her mom but hoping it's just circumstantial behavior with some genetic pre-disposition.


Quoting HopesNDreams:

It's wonderful that she feels safe enough at your home to express herself fully. However, this does not give her the right or the excuse to treat you all badly. Your other children do not deserve to be the punching bag for her feelings about her mother. Instead, she should work with a therapist on how to appropriately express herself in all situations.

This will only get worse as she hits her teen years. Do not allow her pain and acting out become the dominating force in your family.


 

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 7:11 PM
I was thinking the same thing as mac....to me it sounds like she recognizes that you and her dad are the more "adult" set of parents, the ones who can handle the real her.




Quoting rocknmom85:

 


Thanks, I think your right. I do feel kind of bad for SD that she feels she has to act a certain way to please BM though. I get why she thinks that way because BM does have her ups and downs but I'm hoping their relationship improves over time with BM living closer. SD adores BM but I feel like she views BM as more of a big sister (SD has said this) than a mom.


Quoting macbudsmom:


Sounds like a compliment.  She feels safe and comfortable being her self with you guys.  Doesn't sound like she's a bad kid, just normal.  Keep doing what your doing.  = )




 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kgsharber
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:40 AM

 Quit being a victim. Be happy she is willing to show you all sides of herself and she doesn't feel the need to surpress her emotions.

Grow up. Really.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)