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Do step-mom's have any rights?

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 1:41 PM
  • 23 Replies

BM is stating that I am pretty much nothing and I have no say in anything that happens with the kids. She has in place a four hour/ first right to refusal rule thruogh mediation and she states that I don't count to leave the kids with, that they have to be with my husband. Does anybody know anything about any of this??

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 1:46 PM
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You don't have any rights to children that are not yours, that goes for everyone where other people's children are concerned.
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kzuehlk
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 1:50 PM
SO has something similar in their custody agreement, but luckily BM is too dumb to read it. She probably wouldn't let me watch my SS. SO doesn't allow BM's girlfriend to babysit while she is at work, so she has to drop him off here before work.
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Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 1:57 PM

Seems quite possible.

whatIknownow
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:00 PM

What question do you have about it? 

newstepmom61811
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:07 PM
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ROFR works this way, if there are hour limits, like you said 4 hour ROFR that means on your SOs time, if there is a 4 or more hour period that he cannot physically be present to take care of the children himself he must call her and give her the option to take them for the time he can't. Only if she cannot take them does he then get to leave them with some one else. Right of first refusal means she gets first option at taking or refusing to be SO babysitter on his time if he's going to be away more thn 4 hours. Now if it is less than a 4 hour time he does not have to give her that option, individual COs can stil limit who watches the kids, that you just have to ask SO. As far as changing BMs attitude...well, she is mom, especially if she is highly involved, the primary residential parent, she will be making the decisions. You don't factor in tithe parental decisions she makes with their father. Look at it this way...sibling and in-law spouse come with child to visit you...you're even blood related through that child through your sibling. You don't making parenting decisions for the child of your sibling and their spouse. Those children have two parents and you are not it, same goes for children of a SO with another woman. You might in your home make corrections to help that child grow and learn. Especially if you are in the NCPs home that is as much as you can expect to be responsible for... Just teaching and enforcing the boundaries of your home. This child isn't blood to you even  like a niece or nephew is. What you can expect is respect and decent behavior and most of tht to be enforced by your SO. Life gets much easier with a man who has child(ren) if you give up in any way attaching your role or value to BMs opinion or role. Many act like SM and BM are two halves of one role (mommy). That 2+2=4 so if BM does 3 SM is left only room to do 1 for the kid. It doesn't work that way. 1. Love isn't finite, if a kid loves BM doesn't mean they can't love a SM. 2. Happiness isn't finite, so if either SM or BM are happy, the other one can't be. The best way to be successful is to ignore BM, let SO deal with his history and consequences of it. Focus on your uniqueness, home, and embrace and develop you role in the kids life apart and non-competatory with BM.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:17 PM

She's right.

YesImMomToo
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:28 PM

You don't have rights as a stepparent in the context you're referring to. Rofr goes both ways if either parent cannot be in the physical care for either parent for a window of 4 hours or more then both parents have to offer the custody time to the other parent first and only if they decline can they choose another alternative.

Only if you were named specifically in the co that you can't be an alternative can she enforce anything over 4 hours or as the alternative if she declines...

Does that make sense?

newstepmom61811
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:40 PM
Are you referring to my reply?


Quoting WifeyC:

She's right.


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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:41 PM

No, I was referring to what BM said in the OP.

Quoting newstepmom61811:

Are you referring to my reply?


Quoting WifeyC:

She's right.




faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Factually she's right although she's intentionally making life difficult for the skid. In an ideal situation she should encourage her kid to show you respect I your home but is within Her rights to coparent only w dad and exercise rofr.
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