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**edit**what else can he do ??????? kinda long, sorry

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:16 PM
  • 46 Replies

so, 1wk and a half a go, ss13 got in trouble for getting f's , not doing his hw, not completing classwork, then when SO asked him about it ss13 lied right to SOs face. well, that pissed him off ( i felt like saying "how does it feel"  but i didnt.) he asks him again what happen, ss lies again, so he shows him SKYWARD(this is a site for the school that shows all hw, classwork, tests, grades, absences, missing assignments and so on.) he says "its right here in black n white, how can you stand there and lie to me?" he says "but, dad thats not true,"..this is the typical way of ss. so ss keeps lying and SO ends up hitting him with the belt ( no not a beating, far from it ), then i told him that theres no use in spanking him, he doesnt care and you and i both know that he is just going to do it again, no sooner than me finishing what i was saying to SO, ss comes out and asks his dad if he can hv a snack smh....his dad told him to go inside n do what he already told him to do (hw). Isaid to SO, "thats my point, any other kid that would have just gotten a spanking like you just gave him is NOT going to come out 5min later and ask for a snack".....this was a thursday.....

friday......(the next day).....so SO asks if he did his hw and if he wrote in the agenda book. SS says yes he did, so SO says let me see....ss brings the agenda and SO opens it to the correct date and theres NOTHING WRITTEN (ss lied again), he asks for the hw, ss says he turned it in, SO goes on skyward, and the hw for that day is MISSING/NOT TURNED IN......wow, what a surprise (not really)....so SO grounds him and takes xbox away until grades are brought up.....ok now skip to monday

monday, tuesday, wednesday....SO ask to see the agenda and hw, ss gives the "i wrote it it, and ive been writing in it and ive been doing my hw dad....SO checks skyward AND.....YEP, NO HW AND NOTHING WRITTEN IN AGENDA. On top of this, ss has been very disrespectful with me, lying about other things and the new thing "tattleing on me" which when he goes and tattles, its a lie or half of story.....So SO AND i BRING SS OUT TO THE GARAGE TO HAVE A TALK.....SO, says hes not going to hear any lies and he wants explanations of why hes not doing what he knows he is suppose to do and why does he insist on continuing to be disrespectful with me and making up lies about me....bottom line= he doesnt like that i catch him at his lies and he cant get away with things with me as far as school, he didnt have a answer...so ss already had xbox taken, hes grounded and he got spanked already, NOTHING WORKS. A friend of mine said to try taking his room away (he shares with ds11) this way he will see your serious, he loses something that he really likes . So we told him because he doesnt seem to take any of the other punishments serious he will now lose his room completely if he continues to disrespest me . he says BUT DAD, WHY MY ROOM?, he says well because i keep talking to you, spanked you, grounded you, took xbox n toys from you, and none of that matters to you. you keep disrespecting kelly and you just dont care about anything or anyone so this is what im going to do..."if you disrespect kelly again, and dont do as your told then thats whats going to happen, do you understand?" ss says" yes but its not fair" SO says, but you do understand am i right?" ss says" yes".....go to thurs

thurs......well, what do you know... he starts with ignoring what i told him, didnt do his chores, and didnt do hw or write in his agenda....( not a shocker). SO comes home and nicely says"ok, you lost your room" ss says" but dad, why?" SO says" you know why" and then he goes on to show him all that he did wrong, we then have a talk, no yelling no threats just talking, it seemed ok....

friday...(he goes to bm house for this weekend)....he comes home from school and ONCE AGAIN.....no hw, didnt write in agenda and didnt do his chores.....on top of that, he wants to show his ass because bms SO came to get him that day and i guess he thought since he was leaving he can do/act however and that it will be forgotten by sunday night....NOPE....

sunday night (tonight)...SO goes and meets bm's SO to pick up ss , ss gets in the car and SO starts in with you didnt do xyz and on top of that you wanna show your butt to kelly cuz  your moms bf was there , well, since you did all that AGAIN, your going to have  consequences for everything....ok, now my question is WHAT ELSE CAN MY SO DO , IF HES DONE/ TAKEN EVERYTHING LITERALY FROM HIS SON??????

Sorry do long, but if i didnt give you some insight you would have questioned did i do this, or what did he do etc lol.....PLEASE HELP, WE ARE AT OUR END WITH THIS KID...and no, this is NOT typical teen behavior, i have 2 teens and i know plenty of teens and i was a teen a one time...this isnt normal at all



***** edit*****

so SO and i bring up the soup kitchen idea to ss13. He responds with, well dad i dont know why you would send me there, u know im just going to sit and do nothing, they can get a job and work"...wow. really?!?!?!?...this kid ....smh..

if you have any other ideas i would appreciate them. I do think that we are going to let him hang out at the homeless shelter a few days, 

by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
opal10161973
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:35 PM
3 moms liked this

Have him work in a soup kitchen volunteering.  Show him what happens when people don't finish HS and want to act like they know better than the rest of us. 

Then, ask if there is a program with the police department about showing what happens to people who don't follow rules (laws) and how they end up.  Even if it's just an officer that can scare him a bit, on where his life is heading.  We ALL have rules to follow and not all of them seem fair, but we all have to follow them anyway.  That's just how it is. 

mamaslove11
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:47 PM

What do you mean.... Take his room away?

kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this

hes already been in a 3month live in facility for behavior/respect problems, that didnt do any good AT ALL...as far as police or scared straight type of program, unfortunately we dont hsve that where i live...i live in Fl and we dont have any bootcamps anymore either due to a kid that died in one....so if a kid doesnt have a record, theres not much we can do to get him help, except WAIT TILL HE GETS A RECORD...smh, which is what we are trying to avoid...he isnt scared of authority, ANYONE.....im to the point of calling the police myself and have them come and talk to him everytime he acts up, this way we are starting a paper record ...this kid has also (when he was at his moms ) put all black on, a black hoodie and knocked on ppls doors and ran...way to get his self killed smh, and mom wont do anything, this is why she gave him up to dad ...


Quoting opal10161973:

Have him work in a soup kitchen volunteering.  Show him what happens when people don't finish HS and want to act like they know better than the rest of us. 

Then, ask if there is a program with the police department about showing what happens to people who don't follow rules (laws) and how they end up.  Even if it's just an officer that can scare him a bit, on where his life is heading.  We ALL have rules to follow and not all of them seem fair, but we all have to follow them anyway.  That's just how it is. 



minimoo
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:51 PM
2 moms liked this
I love the soup kitchen idea. Another thing would be to shadow him at school for the day. His dad can sit right by him and follow him from class to class. It will embarrass him, and will give his dad an idea what his issues are. You can also request that his teachers sign his planner each day to make sure his assignments are written down. Or perhaps, ask them to email them to him.
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kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:52 PM


he now has no room, he will sleep on the couch...anyway, its already 1 wk him on couch 1wk ds11 on couch due to ss13 disgusting bad hygiene


Quoting mamaslove11:

What do you mean.... Take his room away?



kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:54 PM


thats what skyward is ...it shows whats for hw, what they did in class, any grades, tests, anything about school

Quoting minimoo:

I love the soup kitchen idea. Another thing would be to shadow him at school for the day. His dad can sit right by him and follow him from class to class. It will embarrass him, and will give his dad an idea what his issues are. You can also request that his teachers sign his planner each day to make sure his assignments are written down. Or perhaps, ask them to email them to him.



opal10161973
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:57 PM

I live in FL, too.  I didn't know they got rid of all of the boot camps.  I thought they just closed that one down.  Of course, I wouldn't know because we haven't needed one.  Not that we won't because you never know, just that we haven't. 

Military school?  IDK what else to tell you.  More chores?  Cleaning out the garage?  Yardwork?  I find that writing sentences helped with my oldest.  He HATED that!  I used that one only twice.  By the second time of him forgetting his homework, he never 'forgot' again.  Just gotta find his kryptonite.  They all have one. 

Quoting kmur:

hes already been in a 3month live in facility for behavior/respect problems, that didnt do any good AT ALL...as far as police or scared straight type of program, unfortunately we dont hsve that where i live...i live in Fl and we dont have any bootcamps anymore either due to a kid that died in one....so if a kid doesnt have a record, theres not much we can do to get him help, except WAIT TILL HE GETS A RECORD...smh, which is what we are trying to avoid...he isnt scared of authority, ANYONE.....im to the point of calling the police myself and have them come and talk to him everytime he acts up, this way we are starting a paper record ...this kid has also (when he was at his moms ) put all black on, a black hoodie and knocked on ppls doors and ran...way to get his self killed smh, and mom wont do anything, this is why she gave him up to dad ...


Quoting opal10161973:

Have him work in a soup kitchen volunteering.  Show him what happens when people don't finish HS and want to act like they know better than the rest of us. 

Then, ask if there is a program with the police department about showing what happens to people who don't follow rules (laws) and how they end up.  Even if it's just an officer that can scare him a bit, on where his life is heading.  We ALL have rules to follow and not all of them seem fair, but we all have to follow them anyway.  That's just how it is. 




minimoo
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:57 PM
First off...that's cool :-) But... I definitely think it would be more beneficial if it's done with the teacher. That way ss sees that is dad is very serious and he can't pull one over on him. And that dad and teachers are all on the same page. If he has any vacation time saved up, shadowing would probably really work (I mentioned vacation time BC multiple days would be great)


Quoting kmur:


thats what skyward is ...it shows whats for hw, what they did in class, any grades, tests, anything about school


Quoting minimoo:

I love the soup kitchen idea. Another thing would be to shadow him at school for the day. His dad can sit right by him and follow him from class to class. It will embarrass him, and will give his dad an idea what his issues are. You can also request that his teachers sign his planner each day to make sure his assignments are written down. Or perhaps, ask them to email them to him.





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kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:02 PM


yes, no more bootcamps....ive really researched this and as far as military school, i think thats what he may need, but , thats his dads call. the yardwork lol (not at you) he turned mowing the backyard into a whole day process and it just ended up making every1 mad...the writing sentences , yep, we did that too smh, he made writing the definition of respect and disrespect 50x each into a 3day ordeal, and again, dad and i just got pissed, cuz he would, cry, he would, just sit thhere, he would go to sleep, he would start over, then cry, and then stare into space....like i said, we arent deally with the normal teen defiance, cuz like you said with yours, by the 2nd time, he learned his lesson, this kid doesnt learn lessons no matter what we do smh 

Quoting opal10161973:

I live in FL, too.  I didn't know they got rid of all of the boot camps.  I thought they just closed that one down.  Of course, I wouldn't know because we haven't needed one.  Not that we won't because you never know, just that we haven't. 

Military school?  IDK what else to tell you.  More chores?  Cleaning out the garage?  Yardwork?  I find that writing sentences helped with my oldest.  He HATED that!  I used that one only twice.  By the second time of him forgetting his homework, he never 'forgot' again.  Just gotta find his kryptonite.  They all have one. 

Quoting kmur:

hes already been in a 3month live in facility for behavior/respect problems, that didnt do any good AT ALL...as far as police or scared straight type of program, unfortunately we dont hsve that where i live...i live in Fl and we dont have any bootcamps anymore either due to a kid that died in one....so if a kid doesnt have a record, theres not much we can do to get him help, except WAIT TILL HE GETS A RECORD...smh, which is what we are trying to avoid...he isnt scared of authority, ANYONE.....im to the point of calling the police myself and have them come and talk to him everytime he acts up, this way we are starting a paper record ...this kid has also (when he was at his moms ) put all black on, a black hoodie and knocked on ppls doors and ran...way to get his self killed smh, and mom wont do anything, this is why she gave him up to dad ...


Quoting opal10161973:

Have him work in a soup kitchen volunteering.  Show him what happens when people don't finish HS and want to act like they know better than the rest of us. 

Then, ask if there is a program with the police department about showing what happens to people who don't follow rules (laws) and how they end up.  Even if it's just an officer that can scare him a bit, on where his life is heading.  We ALL have rules to follow and not all of them seem fair, but we all have to follow them anyway.  That's just how it is. 






whatssleep
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Perhaps instead of constant punishment maybe switch to positive reinforcements? Go to school get hm and sit with him and watch him do it and help if he needs it. If he does do a chore even a small one acknowledge it. Set the ground, like hey come dry the dishes while I wash, please, mean while talk about something other than how he's failing at everything and end it with a thank you. it sounds like this kid is in permanent trouble which would get to anyone.
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