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UPDATE: Marriage at Stake post re stepson

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:43 PM
  • 10 Replies

This is by far the most supportive board I have found and I appreciate all of your replies and opinions tremendously.

Counselor helped...but DH and I have a LOT of work to do. I told him that his lies must stop, but that I play a part if why he lied and I know that. I am very forward, blunt, and try as  I might probably am a bit too agressive.

We have another appointment on Thursday, but essentially I told DH that the lies stop or I will leave, because I deserve honesty. I cried like a toddler and did not realize how much I was hurting until we saw the counselor. I cannot have kids, and always wanted my own family. I *chose* a man with a child because I wanted to be a "mom" to someone other than my favorite little boy--yip a cat.

So when it became clear that my SS did not want mothering from me, and DH did not want to coparent I became hurt and probably unkind. NOTTTT blaming myself, just seeing how clearly my actions affect things as well.

Now, DH needs to grow up and get a fricken backbone...he should be able to be honest with me and if he cannot he and his son will be on thier own. I owe myself that much...I deserve open, and honest communication.

DH and I are clear on what we need and now it is a matter of whether or not we can live this way. Can I sit back and watch his son get his way constantly? Can DH be honest with me knowing I may not like someting?  We shall see...

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:48 PM

You know, it is possible that you can be a mom someday.  You could adopt a baby or look into other avenues to become a mom.  Don't give up hope.  Good luck to you.

Sadmomtrying
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:59 PM

True, but we parent so differently...yikes.  Who knows what will happen in the future. I am no spring chicken though..34 years old.

mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:16 PM

Ouch...I was almost 35 when I had my son :)  But you need to be ok in your marriage first.  Good luck with the counceling, honesty is vital.


Quoting Sadmomtrying:

True, but we parent so differently...yikes.  Who knows what will happen in the future. I am no spring chicken though..34 years old.


 

Troubleswife
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:44 PM

 Good luck to you ---

JacyB
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:49 PM
OP, it's important that you accept RESPONSIBILITY for your actions and behaviors. Don't just sweep them under the rug and excuse yourself because your husband was also failing.
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Sadmomtrying
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:52 PM

Understood...I belive that is exaclty what I *am* doing. He was an idiot no doubt, but I know I am also a contributing factor to him choosing to lie.

Sadmomtrying
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:55 PM

Sorry,.....did not mean to insult you or anyone else. DH is 47...so I think that is more the issue than my being 34. Although all of my girlfriends already have kids rangng from 9 to 18 so I do feel really realllllllly late. Life is funny though, so you never know. ;)

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:55 PM

Good luck, so glad you are getting counseling.  Sounds like you have a good handle on what your issues are.  Stick with it!  Its not easy to undo things but if you are both invested and willing it will work.

mamaslove11
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:19 PM

I feel for you. DH and I have had problems in the past. We seperated a couple of weeks before our wedding and finished pulling the wedding together in just a couple of days. The about fivew months after the wedding I was on the verge of leaving but my MOTHER spent almost eight hours talking to the two of us and I did not leave. THEN I did leave a week before Christmas. We are back together and expecting a little one the end of August. He realized that he had to stop the crap because I was fed up and done. We went to counseling for a bit and he has been trying really hard because for me three is a charm. Three strikes you are out. We are doing way better!!! :-) Good luck. I hope and pray that you two can work through your problems with a happy ending.

shanlee42
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:03 PM
Continue to work hard with the counselor. Good luck.
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