This is by far the most supportive board I have found and I appreciate all of your replies and opinions tremendously.
Counselor helped...but DH and I have a LOT of work to do. I told him that his lies must stop, but that I play a part if why he lied and I know that. I am very forward, blunt, and try as I might probably am a bit too agressive.
We have another appointment on Thursday, but essentially I told DH that the lies stop or I will leave, because I deserve honesty. I cried like a toddler and did not realize how much I was hurting until we saw the counselor. I cannot have kids, and always wanted my own family. I *chose* a man with a child because I wanted to be a "mom" to someone other than my favorite little boy--yip a cat.
So when it became clear that my SS did not want mothering from me, and DH did not want to coparent I became hurt and probably unkind. NOTTTT blaming myself, just seeing how clearly my actions affect things as well.
Now, DH needs to grow up and get a fricken backbone...he should be able to be honest with me and if he cannot he and his son will be on thier own. I owe myself that much...I deserve open, and honest communication.
DH and I are clear on what we need and now it is a matter of whether or not we can live this way. Can I sit back and watch his son get his way constantly? Can DH be honest with me knowing I may not like someting? We shall see...