This is by far the most supportive board I have found and I appreciate all of your replies and opinions tremendously.
Counselor helped...but DH and I have a LOT of work to do. I told him that his lies must stop, but that I play a part if why he lied and I know that. I am very forward, blunt, and try as I might probably am a bit too agressive.
We have another appointment on Thursday, but essentially I told DH that the lies stop or I will leave, because I deserve honesty. I cried like a toddler and did not realize how much I was hurting until we saw the counselor. I cannot have kids, and always wanted my own family. I *chose* a man with a child because I wanted to be a "mom" to someone other than my favorite little boy--yip a cat.
So when it became clear that my SS did not want mothering from me, and DH did not want to coparent I became hurt and probably unkind. NOTTTT blaming myself, just seeing how clearly my actions affect things as well.
Now, DH needs to grow up and get a fricken backbone...he should be able to be honest with me and if he cannot he and his son will be on thier own. I owe myself that much...I deserve open, and honest communication.
DH and I are clear on what we need and now it is a matter of whether or not we can live this way. Can I sit back and watch his son get his way constantly? Can DH be honest with me knowing I may not like someting? We shall see...
You know, it is possible that you can be a mom someday. You could adopt a baby or look into other avenues to become a mom. Don't give up hope. Good luck to you.
True, but we parent so differently...yikes. Who knows what will happen in the future. I am no spring chicken though..34 years old.
Ouch...I was almost 35 when I had my son :) But you need to be ok in your marriage first. Good luck with the counceling, honesty is vital.
Quoting Sadmomtrying:
True, but we parent so differently...yikes. Who knows what will happen in the future. I am no spring chicken though..34 years old.
Understood...I belive that is exaclty what I *am* doing. He was an idiot no doubt, but I know I am also a contributing factor to him choosing to lie.
Sorry,.....did not mean to insult you or anyone else. DH is 47...so I think that is more the issue than my being 34. Although all of my girlfriends already have kids rangng from 9 to 18 so I do feel really realllllllly late. Life is funny though, so you never know. ;)
Good luck, so glad you are getting counseling. Sounds like you have a good handle on what your issues are. Stick with it! Its not easy to undo things but if you are both invested and willing it will work.
I feel for you. DH and I have had problems in the past. We seperated a couple of weeks before our wedding and finished pulling the wedding together in just a couple of days. The about fivew months after the wedding I was on the verge of leaving but my MOTHER spent almost eight hours talking to the two of us and I did not leave. THEN I did leave a week before Christmas. We are back together and expecting a little one the end of August. He realized that he had to stop the crap because I was fed up and done. We went to counseling for a bit and he has been trying really hard because for me three is a charm. Three strikes you are out. We are doing way better!!! :-) Good luck. I hope and pray that you two can work through your problems with a happy ending.
2 year old actuaully called me a b***h
- Sadmomtrying
on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:43 PM