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SD's upset DH refuses to celebrate Valentine's Day

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:49 PM
  • 31 Replies

with BM. This past weekend was the first weekend in over a month since we saw SD11.

Things went great actually.

Until Sunday night, when DH took the kids home to BM's house-he had to stop at CVS to get something. They saw all the Valentine's gifts/cards.

SS spied a few gifts he wanted to get me and his mother. (DH said they were the large over stuffed teddybears i love so much)

And SD asked him what he was buying as gifts.

He said he ordered my gift already and we haven't shopped for them yet.

She said about "BM, you celebrate Valentine's Day with her too"

DH explained it's been over 7yrs since he and BM celebrated Valentines Day. It's a day for couples to spend with one another, or in our case with the kids.

And DH said she wasn't happy about the fact he was buying for me and not her mom, and threw a tantrum in the store (aah the memories I wish to forget)

Let me remind those who don't know the situation. BM was 3 months pregnant when DH caught her cheating on him with another man. He threw her out. When SS was 9months old-I came into their lives. THings were hairy-but in the past 2-3yrs it's been great between all of us.

However, DH still refuses to celebrate Valentine's Day in anyway with BM. She's not one for lovey dovey gaga shit.

SD11 has known since the day BM and DH split-they were never getting back together.

He asked the kids if they wanted to buy BM a card or small gift to give her, ss said no, he only wanted to buy me something and SD said it's not her job to give her mom a gift-that's DH's job (BM's engaged to Big Man-he celebrates Valentines Day with BM-they've been together 3 yrs)

I have no thought on the matter-but I can't really help to wonder why after all these years SD11 cares that DH isn't buying for BM.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Rae706
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:53 PM
Ehhh I wouldn't take it to heart. Maybe she's just having an emotional day and it triggered something in her mind. It definitely is strange.
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shanlee42
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:56 PM
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I'm sure it's just some kooky preteen thing.
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Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:20 PM


Quoting Rae706:

Ehhh I wouldn't take it to heart. Maybe she's just having an emotional day and it triggered something in her mind. It definitely is strange.

That's what I'm thinking. However she's been on this kick about DH and Bm reuniting....has been for years but lately she's been quiet about the whole thing. Its just weird.

IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:52 PM
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V-Day is for people who love each other. Obviously, your DH loves you and vice versa. He does not love Bm and BM has a "big man" to boot.

Someone needs to spell it out for SD.
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lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:56 PM
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Some people don't even celebrate valentines day with their DH/SO.  My DH birthday is valentines day.  We say  happy Valentines day to each other, but thats his day, you know?  I get mine on my birthday, I would hate to share it with a "love" holiday.  Plus, he's told me how much he hates having his bd on valentines day, so I just do away with that and we make it up on our "6month" anniversary.  The point being, Valentines day isn't even an issue for some people.  Sounds like a weird preteen tween thing going on.  Sorry you have to deal with it :-/

 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:14 PM
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Would that really be necessary? Seems a bit harsh to me. Especially considering divorce is such a hurtful situation for kids anyway.


Quoting IntactivistMama:

V-Day is for people who love each other. Obviously, your DH loves you and vice versa. He does not love Bm and BM has a "big man" to boot.



Someone needs to spell it out for SD.

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IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:17 PM
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Yes, her parents split up long ago. Obviously, she needs a serious wake-up call/reality check.

SM isn't going anywhere and I assume neither is Big Man. SD isn't a little kid, either.


Quoting Rae706:

Would that really be necessary? Seems a bit harsh to me. Especially considering divorce is such a hurtful situation for kids anyway.




Quoting IntactivistMama:

V-Day is for people who love each other. Obviously, your DH loves you and vice versa. He does not love Bm and BM has a "big man" to boot.





Someone needs to spell it out for SD.


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sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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I think SD needs a comin' to Jesus.

That's what we did with the twins when they turned 10.  Nothing harsh, just, "What would mom and dad do if they had to live together again?"

The girls: Fight and yell a whole lot.

Is that what you two want?  To be happy with them together yelling and screaming at each other?

The girls:  We'd HATE that!

Ok then.

Yeah, that's pretty much all it took! LOL


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting Rae706:

Ehhh I wouldn't take it to heart. Maybe she's just having an emotional day and it triggered something in her mind. It definitely is strange.

That's what I'm thinking. However she's been on this kick about DH and Bm reuniting....has been for years but lately she's been quiet about the whole thing. Its just weird.



pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:31 AM
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 I'm not sure an 11 year old who has struggled with her parents divorce needs a wake-up call.

what she needs is some understanding from her dad.  And you too tigress, but it sounds like you are understanding.  Confused, but understanding.

And tigress, this is no disrespect to you, this is just regarding spouses, and especially second spouses in general, to a kid who has seen his parents split up, of course they think SM or Big Man might go somewhere.

I would explore why your SD has such strong desires for them to be back together.  read sandyo's reply to you regarding reminding SD about what it was really like when mommy and daddy were married.  And I would let her know that while there are no guarantees in life, that you love her dearly and you love her daddy with all your heart and you don't want to ever go anywhere.

I think your SDs issues run more to insecurity about something.  From what I recall, the two of you are doing really well lately, aren't you?

Anyway, I don't think the child needs a wake-up call.  She needs somebody to ask her why and to reassure her.


Quoting IntactivistMama:

Yes, her parents split up long ago. Obviously, she needs a serious wake-up call/reality check.

SM isn't going anywhere and I assume neither is Big Man. SD isn't a little kid, either.


Quoting Rae706:

Would that really be necessary? Seems a bit harsh to me. Especially considering divorce is such a hurtful situation for kids anyway.




Quoting IntactivistMama:

V-Day is for people who love each other. Obviously, your DH loves you and vice versa. He does not love Bm and BM has a "big man" to boot.





Someone needs to spell it out for SD.



 

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 8:03 AM


Quoting Rae706:

Would that really be necessary? Seems a bit harsh to me. Especially considering divorce is such a hurtful situation for kids anyway.


Quoting IntactivistMama:

V-Day is for people who love each other. Obviously, your DH loves you and vice versa. He does not love Bm and BM has a "big man" to boot.



Someone needs to spell it out for SD.

harsh? harsh is her mother screaming in her face that (BM and DH) are NEVER getting back together because "she's too happy" with her fiance.

That's harsh.

Believe me-she has been talked to many times about this. but still insists they're reuniting

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