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Seeking Advice on SD15's Behavior

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:44 PM
  • 14 Replies

I am sitting here catching up on news - finally got the baby to sleep and SD15 is in her room on the phone.

So suddenly I realize I can hear her entire conversation - and it turns out she made a bet w/friends to kiss a boy - and is apparently very proud of how she won this bet.  Turns out she has been pursuing quite a few boys around the highschool.  I am not surprised by this but wondering what you all would suggest on how to handle this? 

The things that bother me about this 1. not liking the shallowness of competing w/other girls over boys that she only wants to rack up counts with 2. obviously would prefer she not be chasing boys at all 3. wondering if she is on the verge of taking any romance farther or not.  4. ugh.

This is not the first time she has stalked boys she had a crush on (started in 6th grade).  But it is the first time she has liked so many at once (the joys of a big city school, I guess) and is actively trying to make out with all of them.  (so far it sounds like 3).

I will of course discuss it w/DH first before I approach her. (for those of you who dont know my story - bm is pretty much out of the picture, we are custodial and she lives 1000+miles away).

*Oh and last night she told me she only wants a boyfriend so she can get chocolate for valentines day - I did very calmly make a few suggestions about how that is not exactly a good reason to like a boy and she should aim for a nice kid and not worry about presents.

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sanctimommy
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 1:44 AM
2 moms liked this

She sounds normal for a 15 year old. Aren't teenagers fun? You'll have that eye-tic until she turns 25, by the way. Get used to it.

Birdseed
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:18 AM

What did DH say?  What is his relationship like with his daughter?  Girls are more likely to be promiscuous when they don't have a good relationship with their father..that's why I ask.

My spin on this would be to ask her how she would feel if she were the object of a bet.  I would also be sure that this kiddo has had multiple talks about safe sex, including oral, and that she has a trusted adult established as her go-to should she have questions/need to talk.  (may or may not be you guys)

My SD 15 is not into boys at all. (Thank all things holy)  We've not really run into anything like this yet.  But her friends are.  At a slumber party last year, I actually had a talk with ALL of the girls about stuff like if a boy tries to touch you and you don't want them to, how do you get out of that situation.  Or if someone is pressuring you into sex, yada yada.  And how to know if someone really likes you or is just trying to get in your pants.  Also about drinking. (small town, seems to be the go-to EC for HS kids)  And about how any of them could call our house any time day or night if they were in trouble and we would get them, no questions asked and get them out of there.  (before this convo, the other moms/dads and DH and I had discussed the need for one, so this was not w/o permission fwiw.)

Having BEEN a teen who got into some wonky situations, I was thankful that my mom had had that kind of talk with me.  

Anyway...I think it needs to be addressed.  But not in a shameful way.

IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:22 AM
Get her Dad to get her V day chocolate etc? :/

I went on a date to a football game at that age (the boy asked me) I think my mom met his parents and someone drove us/picked us up. No shenanigans. Then again, that was more than 20 years ago and things have changed.

Someone needs to teach SD respect for her body etc, if it's not too late.
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YngCollegeSMom
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:11 AM

Well at least shes not making bets to see how many she can screw.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:12 AM
2 moms liked this

Always a bright side...

Quoting YngCollegeSMom:

Well at least shes not making bets to see how many she can screw.



YngCollegeSMom
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:14 AM

In todays world, I wouldn't be suprised if there ARE girls this age (or younger) doing this. I know teenage boys are doing it, but I'm sure girls do it too. Blech.

Quoting WifeyC:

Always a bright side...

Quoting YngCollegeSMom:

Well at least shes not making bets to see how many she can screw.




MrsSufi
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Her relationship w/dh is a good one.  If it's famous people or band members she thinks are cute she'll tell her dad all about what she thinks is cute about them or her fantasies etc, but a real life scenario? I dont see her admitting that to him other than maybe "oh yeah there is a cute boy in my drama class"  -- not "My weird competition/envy of girl A---- , who gets better grades than me, has led me to prove I'll do anything for attention, so when she came up w/the bet idea it was a chance to snub her and prove how cool i was to the class"   (this is sorta what she told her friend on the phone - except I added the explanation of girl A--- being her rival).

I did talk to DH last night and his response was <groan>.


MrsSufi
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:36 AM

I am hoping not, but I am also afraid it will eventually get to that. We are only at freshman year here - 3 more years of this.  God help me.

Quoting YngCollegeSMom:

Well at least shes not making bets to see how many she can screw.


YngCollegeSMom
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Where is her BM?

Quoting MrsSufi:

I am hoping not, but I am also afraid it will eventually get to that. We are only at freshman year here - 3 more years of this.  God help me.

Quoting YngCollegeSMom:

Well at least shes not making bets to see how many she can screw.



MrsSufi
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

Actually we usually celebrate as  a family, I get her a cutie stuffed animal and we have dessert w/dinner.  Her bm will sometimes send her a greeting card in the mail - so its not like she gets nothing.  but I do know family stuff is not the same as the drama/intrigue of boys at school giving you stuff.  I dont know what to call it, but she has a gaping void of need because bm left.  It's not something I can fix, in fact the better I am at mothering her, the worse she feels about her own bm.

I've tried - know how random strangers will sometimes whistle or holler at women?  I keep walking and ignore them, but SD will stop and thank them profusively - because she thinks they are hooting for her while I am trying to get her to come along.  She started this at 12!   **(although I do now have my answer as to why there are men out there that think this behavior actually works).

I've told her she's worth more, and wants guys to respect her and this is not the way to go about it and she doesnt care, she just wants the story so badly.


Quoting IntactivistMama:

Get her Dad to get her V day chocolate etc? :/

I went on a date to a football game at that age (the boy asked me) I think my mom met his parents and someone drove us/picked us up. No shenanigans. Then again, that was more than 20 years ago and things have changed.

Someone needs to teach SD respect for her body etc, if it's not too late.


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