WIKN.... i need your advice OT.....others please weigh in as well.
Basic info......dh and i have been together for 4 years. Living together most of that time. We have a 2 yo dd amd his son is 7. We live in the same town. Mil was recently remarried. Dh and I are both 27.
,the examples may seem petty but really add up to turmoil over time. Nearly every time we have any interaction it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. ........
Here r some examples.
For her wedding she insisted on buying outfits for the kids. I protested some knowing she had the large expense of the wedding. She really insisted saying she had plenty of money and wanted to etc. ( this was before i knew how she was) Later i learned that she was telling the extended family that we couldnt/ or wouldnt spend the money on the kids. Of course she threw in some stuff about priorities and pointed out the money that i waste. I have to say though we are very financially stable and at the time i was the primary bread winner.
She also would offer to watch the kids so she could help us out....we didnt need her to but i encouraged a relationship between her and the kids so i agreed that she could have em whenever so they could spend time with her. ......well that turned into her complaining to others that i didnt want the kids around all the time, or couldnt handle them around all the time, or dh and i needed time to work on things. Of course she complained about how it would affect her health and how tired she was.
She denied this stuff mostly saying that this person or that one took what she said out of context.
She offered to throw the baby shower jointly with my mom when dd came along but forgot the food she was supposed to bring, left 40 minutes after it started. Didnt help with invitations etc. She told people she did though. Martyred herself about it to everyone and said i never thanked her for all her work bla bla bla.
Fyi she left to go watch a playoff football game.
When i was pregnant she forgot that my baby was a girl a dozen times. Forgot the due date a dozen times as well as the name. She offered to watch ss for a week when the baby came. Which she backed out of at the last minute telling bil and sil that i was just trying to pawn him off. Bil is a grown ass man but a big mamas boy with no common sense apparently because he believed her whole heartedly and told me what a terrible person i was.
Recently she has taken to ss with a vengeance. She blames me for his mental illness and had an actual meeting with dh and fil (who is her x) to discuss just that. Dh told them both to get bent
It causes problems for us. Dh wont see her anymore and hardly talks to his brother because bil is disrespectful to me. She was disinvited to xmas at our place because of her behavior.
She followed up that with picking ss up from school without permission swearing that she had left a message for me but i never got it.
Dh deals with her because i will no longer take her calls, but i imagine that eventually dh will want to reconcile and i will be stuck with her again. We have separated ouraelves from her several times for months on end but then she promises to behave and dh decides to give her another chance. Ugh.
The bottom line is i dont know how to interact with her in a conversation. She crosses the line all the time in minor ways and i clam up. She gives a backhanded compliment and i never know what to say.
Also i know that some will say we shouldnt care what she says and thinks but we do. Dh cares about his brother and father his aunts and uncles. He wants his childhood family to get along with his adult family
Help!! Hpw do i set up boundaries??? How do i handle the underhanded comments and lies she spreads