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my exs family

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:40 PM
  • 8 Replies
My daughter turned 10 today. Over the summer my husband adopted her. We decided to keep things open with my ex. But in dec none of his family has tried to contact me. Now normally id let it go and just raise my daughter. The problem is my ex had another child the same age as dd and they spend a lot of time together over the summer. Dd had started bug me about her sister so I emailed everyone in his family a little email. No reply came so I emailed just my ex and his grandma. Basically saying if they choose to not contact dd that was fine but dd cares able her sister a lot and loosing contact with her would hurt dd the most. My ex and his grandma reponded and we talked it out now I'm getting consistant emails from them. His mom and I have never seen eye to eye she think I should just send dd to stay with her once a month and not start things slow. I was thinking about deleting all them from the fb page dd keeps for family reasons. It felt silly for them to watch her grow in pictures but not actually visit with her ever. I was waiting until after her birthday just to see if anything happened. The thing that happened was I got a random email from his mom wishing hhr a happy birthday and asking her about her summer swim schedule. I haven't heard from thoss lady since 8m ago about 2 wks before the adoption. (She didn't know about the a before because my ex didn't want to tell her. He said she took it very well though. ) she didn't comment on dds page or post anything about dds birthday only sent the email I want to nicely respond but still delete her from dds fb. My husband says no that I'm just driving the knife and not letting dd decide the contact dd would want with exs mom. I told him I'm going to respond nicely but still the matter stays the same she's not going to watch my kid grow without contact. She has ways of contacting dd if shys wants to use them but but deleting I'm eliminating the easy way out of getting to know dd. If she wants to know dd she should act like it and actually make contact. What shui you all think?

I promise to listen today.
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by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:40 PM
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Replies (1-8):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:50 PM

Oi.  Spellcheck is your friend.  You know that handy little box that say Check Spelling?  I had to work way too hard.

 I think you want to delete your exes family from your DDs Facebook page because they don't call enough since your ex gave up parental rights and your DH adopted her...

heathercm26
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Why did u have an adoption if you want that family to be there for her.
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heathercm26
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:51 PM
???
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mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:36 AM
Sorry im on my phone. There is no spell check button. Its not that I want them to contact her everyday or even once a month but I thought they would at least like to get to know her. My ex keeps saying to them he only did it to get out of child support. I just feel like they are embarrassed by the fact that my ex did that and so my daughter is someone that his mom speaks to secretly. I don't need dd feeling like an embarrassment to anyone.


Quoting pdxmum:

Oi.  Spellcheck is your friend.  You know that handy little box that say Check Spelling?  I had to work way too hard.

 I think you want to delete your exes family from your DDs Facebook page because they don't call enough since your ex gave up parental rights and your DH adopted her...


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mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:01 PM
Because my ex decided that he'd agree to an open adoption so he could get out of child support. I really thought it would make think easier iin everyone Expectually dd. She would finally feel like she was part of the family but I still wanted them to feel like the extended family. I guess it's hard to explain.


Quoting heathercm26:

Why did u have an adoption if you want that family to be there for her.

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Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Your DD's relationship with her bio-family is her own.  Maybe they're standing by quietly out of fear of intrusion.  Maybe they think being silently available is the best way to let her come to them when she is ready.  That often happens with adoptions.  I don't understand why you are so upset about her relationship with her father's biological family being different from what YOU want.  There really doesn't appear to be a need to control it.  I can understand not wanting to send her off to grandma's house when grandma isn't much more than a stranger, but cutting off grandma from her as some sort of punishment sounds like passive-aggressive manipulation.  You're placing a higher priority on your expectations and your feelings of rejection than you are on leaving the door open for your DD to pursue a relationship on her own terms.

lnr187
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 2:36 PM

 i wouldn't worry about how much involvment your exs family does or doesn't have with dd. i watch my friends kids grow via fb, but it doesn't mean i see them often. i'd focus on the relationship she wants with her sister and don't worry about the rest of the family. however, you also said your ex mom wants dd once a month, and then you say she needs more contact... well then either allow her the once a month time, or don't expect contact. i'd ask your dd what she wants though. if dd wants to have a relationship with her grandmother, then allow her to have it.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:46 PM
You know you could have just told the courts that you didn't want the child support and let dad be dad.

Unless having dh adopt her makes sure you recieve CS if he leaves you.


Quoting mamaBerg85:

Because my ex decided that he'd agree to an open adoption so he could get out of child support. I really thought it would make think easier iin everyone Expectually dd. She would finally feel like she was part of the family but I still wanted them to feel like the extended family. I guess it's hard to explain.




Quoting heathercm26:

Why did u have an adoption if you want that family to be there for her.


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