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Fighting for your kids

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:19 PM
  • 182 Replies

is a stressful time.  It is hard.  And court shouldn't be a spectator event when parents are trying to work something out that is so personal and dear to them.  

So why do so many SP's want to be involved in that when it really, truly isn't about them no matter how they spin the situation?

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:45 PM
6 moms liked this

I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.

packermomof2
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:53 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting leegirl_jm:

I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.


So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
blondepegasus
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:57 PM
12 moms liked this

I think many dads expect sm to do much of the legwork...whether that's right or wrong...record-keeping/gathering, phone calls, appointment-making, travel arrangements, child care during proceedings, etc. so sm's feel invested in that respect.

Also, the sp might be only a spectator in the process but the outcome will most definitely affect his/her life. It's just naive to think that new decisions made in court after the parent is remarried won't affect the sp on a huge level for many years to come. I married my dh with a certain set of components and expectations in place. Why wouldn't I want to be involved in a process that is going to change/determine how I live the rest of my life with dh and stepkids? 

Lurion
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:59 PM
2 moms liked this

OMG you read my mind!!!

There are the rare cases where one of the parents is a deadbeat, but most of the time I think everyone would be better off if SM just steps back. 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:02 PM
6 moms liked this
SP's are effected by just about everything involving skids. I think that makes them more than a spectator. Maybe one parent wants the SP there for moral support, or maybe one parent welcomes their opinion, or maybe they want to consult with the SP before doing anything that is going to directly effect the SP. either way, I do think that is up to each individual parent... Unless said SP makes a spectacle of themselves and gets removed from the courtroom.


Quoting packermomof2:




Quoting leegirl_jm:

I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.



So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?


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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:17 PM


Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting leegirl_jm:

I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.


So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?

Yes, that is how it works, the children belong to both parents and the children will be affected by the decisions and the behaviour of both of them, fortunately or unfortunately. I usually tell my husband whenever an issue comes up with BM that she was your mistake, so he has to suck it up and deal.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:17 PM
2 moms liked this
I have been in and out of the court room for 7 years. I've seen a lot; I'm a people watcher. I see a lot of women there with the dads. I don't see as many men there with women. According to my lawyer, this is typical. Men don't feel any need or entitlement to other people's children. They don't need to be front Row.
Women on the other hand, tend to not trust their husband to remember to tell the courts 'important information'. They need to be there to make sure it goes the way they plan. They can't sit at home! That would be too nerve wracking and he probably won't remember what to say!!!
That's just fr experience and what I've been told by a lawyer who has been doing this for many many years.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:19 PM
I have never understood this. How could a decision regarding my child effect my ex's wife? Or my husband? They aren't the parents.


Quoting Rae706:

SP's are effected by just about everything involving skids. I think that makes them more than a spectator. Maybe one parent wants the SP there for moral support, or maybe one parent welcomes their opinion, or maybe they want to consult with the SP before doing anything that is going to directly effect the SP. either way, I do think that is up to each individual parent... Unless said SP makes a spectacle of themselves and gets removed from the courtroom.




Quoting packermomof2:





Quoting leegirl_jm:

I suspect if a stepparent is involved, it is because a parent wants them involved. If both parents prefer to keep the matters only to themselves, then I don't think stepparents would be in court.




So if one parent wants to keep the battle between the parents is that parent out of luck because the ex doesn't understand that this is not an event where spectators should be welcome?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:25 PM
9 moms liked this
Dh's lawyer advised that I go to mediation with him even if I sit outside or not she said it shows that dh has a support system, that I'm not evil.

When parents split up mom has no more control over dad, I think that pisses a lot of moms off. You dont get to decide whether dad has a stepparent show up or not. Why does it matter anyway?
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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:28 PM

True, however whenever a stepparent is upfront, it is usually a parent who wants it that way.

Quoting Lurion:

OMG you read my mind!!!

There are the rare cases where one of the parents is a deadbeat, but most of the time I think everyone would be better off if SM just steps back. 


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

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