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We are told to "give up" . *Updated)

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Updated:  Courts open today.  There is no papers submitted and they said its "Parental Kiddnapping"   and get a attorney.   After 5 police stations not doing anything.. where do you start.?  What a nightmare.

I have posted a couple of times about SD who just turned 17.    Before Anyone says anything about her right to "choose" where she wants to live.   Again.. not in the state with the court we deal with.  They changed their laws because of kids going back and forth.       Their laws state that change cannot take place as long as child support is exchanged.    Well when we got custody DH never requested CS.  (loop hole?)

Our situatution SD begged to live with us.  BM was never around, didnt take care of kids etc.  We did what SD wanted.. we paid the court costs then school costs to transfer (that state also charges school fees), paid probation costs (smoking pot) to get her out of the state.

So after getting custody BM didnt have time for her.  Picked her up a couple times but dropped her off at friends, sisters boys etc.    I have sat with this child crying over her mom never seeing her when she goes to visit .. BM always had a new flame and didnt have time for her.   Said this before.. no birthday gifts, no christmas gifts  but BM picked her up at 8pm on Christmas and took her back dropping her with sisters and leaving.      So we found out SD spent the night at a boys.  DH took her phone, grounded her. 

BM was sneaking up while we were gone and was going to take her.   OSD (21) got involved and told BM she cant do that.   SD spent the last weekend in that state with the 21 year old and the BM come and took her.   (dropped her at the boys house)

This past weekend we let SD go to a concert with a friend from school and the father.   Never came home.  When DH texted SD the BM texted from her phone saying she was with her.  Come to find out a boy picked her up from the concert and shes been with him ever since.  BM just covering for her.  We called police both states.. take up with the court.   They are closed.    BM texted last night saying SD17 not coming back to our state she has custody papers and a restraining order?    OSD says the BM is lying.   We had out state and their state run a check ... nothing.   

BM lives in one city, boy lives in another, sisters in another.  Even if DH tried to find her have no clue where she is.. assuming at BF's.   

Do we wait to see if papers arrive?  Do you try to pick her up??   We dont know what to do.  Now all 3 sisters are saying she is missing and not with the BM.   No one knows where she is except the BM who is at work.

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM
Replies (31-40):
saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:09 AM

YIKES!  I cant even imagine....:(

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:17 AM
You are going to spend thousands in lawyers fees so you can force sd (who doesn't want to be there) to come home. You may be successful for 4-6 months. Legally, ok, a lawyer (who will make lots of dough off of this ) will say it is kidnapping.

Then she will turn 18 and tell you off.

Like I said before.... Not worth it.

She doesn't want to be there and all you are doing is making it more apparent in her mind. So, after she turns 18 she will likely give you the big kiss off and leave.

Will it be worth it? Long term alienation so you can get your way for a few months?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:22 AM

 No we are not getting a attorney.  But until the custody papers are changed he is still responsible.  There should still be consequences for actions.  That why they make laws and have court orders.   Personally not my kid and after all the drama .. I wouldnt do it again.    I raise my kids to make good choices.


Quoting chanizen:

You are going to spend thousands in lawyers fees so you can force sd (who doesn't want to be there) to come home. You may be successful for 4-6 months. Legally, ok, a lawyer (who will make lots of dough off of this ) will say it is kidnapping.

Then she will turn 18 and tell you off.

Like I said before.... Not worth it.

She doesn't want to be there and all you are doing is making it more apparent in her mind. So, after she turns 18 she will likely give you the big kiss off and leave.

Will it be worth it? Long term alienation so you can get your way for a few months?


 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:27 AM
Then call the police and report her as a run away.


Quoting tiredmama42:

 We tried.  Thats what I am saying.  We live in MI.. She goes to school here.  We went to local pd they said take it to court. (taken Friday 15th).  County sherriff from our county came took a report.. they said take to court.   Father went to PD in Fremont (BM's house where OSD's live), since BM living with her bf told him to go to that county PD.  That PD said his custody papers were too old.. from 6/2012.   Courts were closed then (monday was presidents day) Tuesday contacted court they scheduled a hearing for March 14.  Wed asked for a emergency hearing since she was not returned and school marking her truant.  Hes the custodial parent.      She is not in school anyway hers sisters say she is just staying at boyfriends house and bf's mom home schools so she is getting home schooled apparently.      This is all based on the fact that BM allows sleepovers with boys and her farther does not.    Its sickening.  The BM has had nothing do do with this child since we had custody  but she got grounded so the BM sneaks behind everyones back and takes her.  She has none of her stuff from the house either.  Bm apparently bought her all new clothes and a new cell phone.  This BM didnt even buy this child a birthday card for christmas or her birthday.  OSD who is still in hs called father because BM wont give her the CS card to get food for the house they live in.  BM told her she gave it to her bf because he lost his job!  Then you look on the court site and the BM was served another huge garnishment on 2/13.  (took 2/15)    I couldnt be more disgusted its like a springer episode.  This is a perfect example of nothing is in the best interest of kids.   Its so upsetting. 




Quoting MommySabs:

She is in Ohio? Call county sherrifs or state troopers and report it in your state as missing person parental kidnapping have an amber alert issued.



 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:33 AM

 Police said since BM said she had her we cant do that either.   


Quoting MommySabs:

Then call the police and report her as a run away.


Quoting tiredmama42:

 We tried.  Thats what I am saying.  We live in MI.. She goes to school here.  We went to local pd they said take it to court. (taken Friday 15th).  County sherriff from our county came took a report.. they said take to court.   Father went to PD in Fremont (BM's house where OSD's live), since BM living with her bf told him to go to that county PD.  That PD said his custody papers were too old.. from 6/2012.   Courts were closed then (monday was presidents day) Tuesday contacted court they scheduled a hearing for March 14.  Wed asked for a emergency hearing since she was not returned and school marking her truant.  Hes the custodial parent.      She is not in school anyway hers sisters say she is just staying at boyfriends house and bf's mom home schools so she is getting home schooled apparently.      This is all based on the fact that BM allows sleepovers with boys and her farther does not.    Its sickening.  The BM has had nothing do do with this child since we had custody  but she got grounded so the BM sneaks behind everyones back and takes her.  She has none of her stuff from the house either.  Bm apparently bought her all new clothes and a new cell phone.  This BM didnt even buy this child a birthday card for christmas or her birthday.  OSD who is still in hs called father because BM wont give her the CS card to get food for the house they live in.  BM told her she gave it to her bf because he lost his job!  Then you look on the court site and the BM was served another huge garnishment on 2/13.  (took 2/15)    I couldnt be more disgusted its like a springer episode.  This is a perfect example of nothing is in the best interest of kids.   Its so upsetting. 


 


Quoting MommySabs:

She is in Ohio? Call county sherrifs or state troopers and report it in your state as missing person parental kidnapping have an amber alert issued.

 


 



 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:49 AM
Starting to sound like a lot of excuses and a lot of bs. She is a minor, truant from school and across state lines. Obviously your dh is doing something wrong.


Quoting tiredmama42:

 Police said since BM said she had her we cant do that either.   




Quoting MommySabs:

Then call the police and report her as a run away.



Quoting tiredmama42:


 We tried.  Thats what I am saying.  We live in MI.. She goes to school here.  We went to local pd they said take it to court. (taken Friday 15th).  County sherriff from our county came took a report.. they said take to court.   Father went to PD in Fremont (BM's house where OSD's live), since BM living with her bf told him to go to that county PD.  That PD said his custody papers were too old.. from 6/2012.   Courts were closed then (monday was presidents day) Tuesday contacted court they scheduled a hearing for March 14.  Wed asked for a emergency hearing since she was not returned and school marking her truant.  Hes the custodial parent.      She is not in school anyway hers sisters say she is just staying at boyfriends house and bf's mom home schools so she is getting home schooled apparently.      This is all based on the fact that BM allows sleepovers with boys and her farther does not.    Its sickening.  The BM has had nothing do do with this child since we had custody  but she got grounded so the BM sneaks behind everyones back and takes her.  She has none of her stuff from the house either.  Bm apparently bought her all new clothes and a new cell phone.  This BM didnt even buy this child a birthday card for christmas or her birthday.  OSD who is still in hs called father because BM wont give her the CS card to get food for the house they live in.  BM told her she gave it to her bf because he lost his job!  Then you look on the court site and the BM was served another huge garnishment on 2/13.  (took 2/15)    I couldnt be more disgusted its like a springer episode.  This is a perfect example of nothing is in the best interest of kids.   Its so upsetting. 



 



Quoting MommySabs:

She is in Ohio? Call county sherrifs or state troopers and report it in your state as missing person parental kidnapping have an amber alert issued.


 



 





 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:57 AM

 You think?  DH has missed alot of work running to another state between courts and police stations.  Court clerks even said Parental kidnapping, School says run away.. not one of  the 5 police stations say they can do anything.   This is the latest that the court said

02/20/13 MOTION MOTION-EMERGENCY/URGENT REQUEST FOR MOTION - CHILD NOT IN SCHOOL, UNEXCUSED ABSENCE, NO C/S AND NO PRECIPE FOR SERVICE, COPY SENT CERTIFICATE OF MAILING TO PLAINTIFF COPY GIVEN TO JUDGE

 

Quoting MommySabs:

Starting to sound like a lot of excuses and a lot of bs. She is a minor, truant from school and across state lines. Obviously your dh is doing something wrong.


Quoting tiredmama42:

 Police said since BM said she had her we cant do that either.   


 


Quoting MommySabs:

Then call the police and report her as a run away.



Quoting tiredmama42:


 We tried.  Thats what I am saying.  We live in MI.. She goes to school here.  We went to local pd they said take it to court. (taken Friday 15th).  County sherriff from our county came took a report.. they said take to court.   Father went to PD in Fremont (BM's house where OSD's live), since BM living with her bf told him to go to that county PD.  That PD said his custody papers were too old.. from 6/2012.   Courts were closed then (monday was presidents day) Tuesday contacted court they scheduled a hearing for March 14.  Wed asked for a emergency hearing since she was not returned and school marking her truant.  Hes the custodial parent.      She is not in school anyway hers sisters say she is just staying at boyfriends house and bf's mom home schools so she is getting home schooled apparently.      This is all based on the fact that BM allows sleepovers with boys and her farther does not.    Its sickening.  The BM has had nothing do do with this child since we had custody  but she got grounded so the BM sneaks behind everyones back and takes her.  She has none of her stuff from the house either.  Bm apparently bought her all new clothes and a new cell phone.  This BM didnt even buy this child a birthday card for christmas or her birthday.  OSD who is still in hs called father because BM wont give her the CS card to get food for the house they live in.  BM told her she gave it to her bf because he lost his job!  Then you look on the court site and the BM was served another huge garnishment on 2/13.  (took 2/15)    I couldnt be more disgusted its like a springer episode.  This is a perfect example of nothing is in the best interest of kids.   Its so upsetting. 



 



Quoting MommySabs:

She is in Ohio? Call county sherrifs or state troopers and report it in your state as missing person parental kidnapping have an amber alert issued.


 



 



 


 



 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:03 AM

I'm not saying it's right, but do consider the possibility that these police depts are probably busy with actual life/death situations.  This isn't.  If you have an iphone, download the app for Cop Radio and listen to the scanner.  There are people getting killed, children being beaten, kids beating up their parents, people flipping their cars over, burglaries, etc.  

A 17YO kid who, by her own means is safely getting to her mother's or whatever and doesn't want to go home isn't exactly a high priority item.  I know it is for YOU guys and I don't disagree.

But how will you keep her home once you get her there?

What's the long term plan?

Unless you guys put her in juvie or something, I'm not sure how you can truly make her stay put.  I'm mortified FOR you that you guys are dealing with this.  It's crazy.  I can't imagine doing crap like that as a kid.

But the time to change her has passed I think.  I'm sorry you guys are going through this.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:11 AM

 

  No one is going to force her back at this point. I am just discouraged how things are handled.  If this entire situation was reversed and DH was the one who took her.. he would be in jail.    The BM shoud have consequences, should have to abide by the laws just the same as anyone else.    We did everything that was suggested to do by handling the situation "the right way".    If not DH could be held accountable for her truancey and her they do lock up parents for that.

Quoting Birdseed:

I'm not saying it's right, but do consider the possibility that these police depts are probably busy with actual life/death situations.  This isn't.  If you have an iphone, download the app for Cop Radio and listen to the scanner.  There are people getting killed, children being beaten, kids beating up their parents, people flipping their cars over, burglaries, etc.  

A 17YO kid who, by her own means is safely getting to her mother's or whatever and doesn't want to go home isn't exactly a high priority item.  I know it is for YOU guys and I don't disagree.

But how will you keep her home once you get her there?

What's the long term plan?

Unless you guys put her in juvie or something, I'm not sure how you can truly make her stay put.  I'm mortified FOR you that you guys are dealing with this.  It's crazy.  I can't imagine doing crap like that as a kid.

But the time to change her has passed I think.  I'm sorry you guys are going through this.


 

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:53 PM

He is going to the sherrif again and trying to file for a runaway.  

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