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Phone calls on birthdays/holidays....from the SP.

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If you're a SM, do you call your steps at the other parent's home and chat?  If you're the BM, would that bother you?


I am not in the habit of calling the SKIDS on my own on any kind of regular basis when they're at Mom's.  When we had them 50/50, I did talk them most days after school about dinner or schedules or where to pick them up, but those were more "business" talks.  

Now that we've moved and are NCP, I get to talk to them almost every day via Skype or Face Time when they're on with Dad but for the most part, I try to give him/them their space and privacy on those calls too.  I say hi, maybe we talk about something at school or here, but it's pretty brief.

Well, Dad went home to spend the holiday weekend with the kids and celebrate eldest SD's bday.  I was online early so I FB messaged her Happy Birthday.  But it was too early to call.  Then I got tied up with a bunch of other stuff.  Talked to DH a little bit ago after he dropped the kids off and was heading to the airport and he asked if I was planning to call SD to wish her Happy Birthday.

Honestly, I wasn't.  Not now that she's back at BM's.  I don't want to interrupt their dinner/bday stuff.  I kind of thought I'd skype/face time with them while Dad was with them, but like I said, I got tied up on the phone trying to handle some financial things and then spent 3 hours on the road trying to take care of stuff.  So it just never happened.

I think I WILL call SD.  Because it's her bday afterall.  I don't think she'd be sad if I didn't.  She's a big tough teenager and she and I don't have the closest relationship.  But it's her bday.

So.  If you're a SP, do you call the kids on your own?  If you're the BP, would it bother you if the SP called?  The last thing I want to do right now while so many things are kind of up in the air is disappoint the kiddo or piss of the momma.  

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:08 PM
SM does call and I don't mind. :-)
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:11 PM

When DH and I were engaged I did but once we got married everything went downhill and I haven't since then. We have been married almost 7 years. If DH is at home when he talks to her I will tell her through him but I don't talk to her.

It depends on the situation and the relationship.. IMO

My SM and I get along great and pretty much always have. She calls or texts me on my birthday every year and it makes me happy. Even when I lived with my mom she would make sure she told me Happy Birthday.

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:20 PM

Well, just got to chat with SD. No worries.  She had a lovely day.  :)

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:28 PM
I'm a SM and no I don't but he facetimes me on occasion.
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:35 PM
I never call my as when he is with his mother. She never answers the phone even when dh calls to talk to him. We usually don't even get a call back. We do currently email him but I am sure that once biomom finds out about that she will end that. They kinda parallel patent, and in her mind I guess that means we don't exist when he is with her.
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:50 PM

With DF's older two kiddos, we only see them in the summer and on holidays alternating years. I have said hi to them when DF calls them during the year and I wished them a Happy Holiday when we did not get them. His son once talked to me for half an hour on his own request one time that we called them but me just calling them without DF...wouldn't happen. It is his kids more than mine and I believe that they would MUCH rather talk to their Dad then me; not because of their mom not liking me. We are civil and have no issues...its just...we have not bonded as much since they don't get a lot of time with them and so the precious time with their Dad, whether in person or by phone, they rather talk to their Dad and I am okay with that. With his youngest (3) who we have full time...I might try to call her because she and I are close, even though her mom does not approve, and when she goes to her moms on her moms holiday visitation times, I will still try to wish her happy holidays.  

by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:59 PM

I don't call SD when she's with BM, BM only takes SD one weekend a month so I'd like to not interfere with their time.

SD usually calls and texts me while she's with BM though. If I don't respond to texts she'll keep texting "Hello? I texted you. Why didn't you respond?" Until I do respond.

by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:01 PM

I do not call SK's ... 

If ex had a wife or girlfriend I would be highly uncomfortable with her calling DS.

by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:01 PM

I would have called SS17 when he was with BM2 to wish him Happy Birthday but not SS20 with BM1.  I don't have a good relationship with either BM BUT BM2 has never had an issue with me having a good SM/SS relationship with her child.  BM1 would have freaked out if I had ever done that, so I didn't.  I saved it for the next time I saw him or talked to him.  He understood and appreciated the fact I made as few waves with his mom as I could.  After all, he was the one the crap landed on, not me.  I wasn't there for BM to take her hate of me out on, he was.  I don't think that you and BM are quite like that, maybe more like me and BM2.  I think you would be fine calling her.

I also would never mind SM calling DD when she is with me for whatever reason, especially something as innocuous and well intended as a happy birthday wish.  But, then again, I like SM fine and she treats my child nicely.  How much of an a-hole would I be to get mad about a happy birthday phone call?

by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:03 PM

Quoting andie646c:

I do not call SK's ... 

If ex had a wife or girlfriend I would be highly uncomfortable with her calling DS.

Why would you be uncomfortable with SM calling to say Happy Birthday? 

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