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Phone calls on birthdays/holidays....from the SP.

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If you're a SM, do you call your steps at the other parent's home and chat?  If you're the BM, would that bother you?


Background:

I am not in the habit of calling the SKIDS on my own on any kind of regular basis when they're at Mom's.  When we had them 50/50, I did talk them most days after school about dinner or schedules or where to pick them up, but those were more "business" talks.  

Now that we've moved and are NCP, I get to talk to them almost every day via Skype or Face Time when they're on with Dad but for the most part, I try to give him/them their space and privacy on those calls too.  I say hi, maybe we talk about something at school or here, but it's pretty brief.

Well, Dad went home to spend the holiday weekend with the kids and celebrate eldest SD's bday.  I was online early so I FB messaged her Happy Birthday.  But it was too early to call.  Then I got tied up with a bunch of other stuff.  Talked to DH a little bit ago after he dropped the kids off and was heading to the airport and he asked if I was planning to call SD to wish her Happy Birthday.

Honestly, I wasn't.  Not now that she's back at BM's.  I don't want to interrupt their dinner/bday stuff.  I kind of thought I'd skype/face time with them while Dad was with them, but like I said, I got tied up on the phone trying to handle some financial things and then spent 3 hours on the road trying to take care of stuff.  So it just never happened.

I think I WILL call SD.  Because it's her bday afterall.  I don't think she'd be sad if I didn't.  She's a big tough teenager and she and I don't have the closest relationship.  But it's her bday.

So.  If you're a SP, do you call the kids on your own?  If you're the BP, would it bother you if the SP called?  The last thing I want to do right now while so many things are kind of up in the air is disappoint the kiddo or piss of the momma.  





by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Replies (21-30):
andie646c
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:06 PM

I would be uncomfortable with anyone who is a stranger to me calling my phone to talk to my son.

If ex called and SM got on the phone sometime in the conversation that'd be fine. But calling herself, just seems awkward.


Quoting GlockMom:



Quoting andie646c:

I do not call SK's ... 

If ex had a wife or girlfriend I would be highly uncomfortable with her calling DS.


Why would you be uncomfortable with SM calling to say Happy Birthday? 



Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:22 PM
Nope. I've talked to them when they called DH, but neither he nor I call them on BM's time. I will occasionally text something to SD, but even that is usually in response to something she initiated. I don't feel a need to know everything they're doing when they're only gone 4 days per month, and honestly I enjoy the kid-free zone that visitation creates.
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:42 PM
No, they are young and don't have fb or their own phone. I wouldn't want to intrude by calling BM's phone, I don't speak to BM on the phone. I tell SO to tell them I said "blank".
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krazykiddles
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:44 PM

I called once because it was DH's weekend and the kids did not show up at the pick up spot and when DH called BM ignored it and since she didn't recognize my number DH used my phone to call.  Funny how the kids ended up at DH's step-dads and DH wasn't informed.  I never call myself though.

meerkat101
by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:27 AM
So are you saying SM is a stranger? This has me very curious now!!


Quoting andie646c:

I would be uncomfortable with anyone who is a stranger to me calling my phone to talk to my son.

If ex called and SM got on the phone sometime in the conversation that'd be fine. But calling herself, just seems awkward.



Quoting GlockMom:




Quoting andie646c:

I do not call SK's ... 

If ex had a wife or girlfriend I would be highly uncomfortable with her calling DS.



Why would you be uncomfortable with SM calling to say Happy Birthday? 





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SPoftwo
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:04 AM

I think you are doing what I would do as a SP, respect their boundaries. Do your best. Your husband sounds (like mine) to expect to much from you. 

I stopped any of my husband's flying home for holidays and shared birthdays a long time ago. 

My parents are divorced. They figured out how to share important holidays, but that usually leaves me finding my mom crying in a room somewhere - not happy, but "dealing with it"

EmilyJ604
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 8:03 AM

my sd has her own cell and yes i would call her to wish her a happy bday she calls me quite often just to chat

mouthyhousewife
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:10 AM
DH doesn't even call SS when he's at BM's. It just turns into SS holding the phone and BM screaming at DH about something stupid in background.
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adamsmom0116
by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:18 AM

My skids are teenagers and all have cell phones. I don't even know if their mother still has a house phone - one of the kids said it got disconnected. Anyway, if they are with BM on their birthday, I will call or text their cell phone to wish them happy birthday. Same for holidays.

feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:48 AM
I always like to pretend if dds bf is involved what I would do in sitch's like this (because bm is cray cray and loves me one day then hates me the next)

So no I wouldnt allow her to talk to my dd on her birthday because Im not fond of her. But maybe after years of her showing me she's not a complete bitch then yes I would because lots of people call on her birthday so it would be the same as her grandma or aunt calling.
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