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Phone calls on birthdays/holidays....from the SP.

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If you're a SM, do you call your steps at the other parent's home and chat?  If you're the BM, would that bother you?


I am not in the habit of calling the SKIDS on my own on any kind of regular basis when they're at Mom's.  When we had them 50/50, I did talk them most days after school about dinner or schedules or where to pick them up, but those were more "business" talks.  

Now that we've moved and are NCP, I get to talk to them almost every day via Skype or Face Time when they're on with Dad but for the most part, I try to give him/them their space and privacy on those calls too.  I say hi, maybe we talk about something at school or here, but it's pretty brief.

Well, Dad went home to spend the holiday weekend with the kids and celebrate eldest SD's bday.  I was online early so I FB messaged her Happy Birthday.  But it was too early to call.  Then I got tied up with a bunch of other stuff.  Talked to DH a little bit ago after he dropped the kids off and was heading to the airport and he asked if I was planning to call SD to wish her Happy Birthday.

Honestly, I wasn't.  Not now that she's back at BM's.  I don't want to interrupt their dinner/bday stuff.  I kind of thought I'd skype/face time with them while Dad was with them, but like I said, I got tied up on the phone trying to handle some financial things and then spent 3 hours on the road trying to take care of stuff.  So it just never happened.

I think I WILL call SD.  Because it's her bday afterall.  I don't think she'd be sad if I didn't.  She's a big tough teenager and she and I don't have the closest relationship.  But it's her bday.

So.  If you're a SP, do you call the kids on your own?  If you're the BP, would it bother you if the SP called?  The last thing I want to do right now while so many things are kind of up in the air is disappoint the kiddo or piss of the momma.  

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:11 PM

Well, she isn't someone I know ... so, yeah. Not sure how that makes a person curious, if you don't know a person then they are a stranger to you.

Quoting meerkat101:

So are you saying SM is a stranger? This has me very curious now!!

Quoting andie646c:

I would be uncomfortable with anyone who is a stranger to me calling my phone to talk to my son.

If ex called and SM got on the phone sometime in the conversation that'd be fine. But calling herself, just seems awkward.

Quoting GlockMom:

Quoting andie646c:

I do not call SK's ... 

If ex had a wife or girlfriend I would be highly uncomfortable with her calling DS.

Why would you be uncomfortable with SM calling to say Happy Birthday? 

by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:24 PM

i call my sd5 everyday when she is with bm to check on her. my dh has full custody tho and has since she was little. bm has put my sd in bad places and around bad things way to  much  the past that we really  dont trust her. i call everyday to make sure she is okay and is where bm said she was taking her, if i  dont call i t so worried it makes me sick to my stomach, my dh also calls her every night to say good night. bm pretty much lost all right to say what she thinks about us calling or how we raise sd. 

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 6:28 PM

My husband thinks I should. Tho 9 times out of 10 the skids could care less.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 6:33 PM

 Me personally, no. DH calls, and I will say "Tell deedle bug I said happy bday" or something, and he will relay the message.

SM has called Halee on holidays and bday's before, and she talks to her. Doesn't bother me.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:40 PM
Both of my sd's have cell phones. We text, email, pm in FB, and skype back and forth all the time. I feel free to call their cells but rarely do, mostly because they are so busy and I don't want to interrupt. Also because their minutes are limited. YSD just called me today to tell me some good news. I have/would never call them on BM's home phone. Dh used to dread having to cause there was always the chance bm or sf would answer. It was a big relief to him when they got their cells.
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by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:51 PM

I never make calls to SS while he is with BM--she would flip. If DH is on the phone with him and it's his birthday or whatever, I'll tell DH to tell him happy birthday from us or whatever it is. There used to be a time when SS would actually talk with me on the phone or ask to talk to me, but those days are long gone.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:46 PM

Does she have her own cell phone?  If so you can always just send her a text

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:56 PM
In your situation I would but bc I have been csm for so long I feel she is mine so it would be wrong not to. I also know how much it hurts her when BM doesn't call on her bday. I wouldn't care at this point about upsetting BM. If sd was visiting BM for her bday DH and I would call together most likely.
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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:37 PM
I am SM and I text SS14 while he is at his BM's. Since she calls me the peanut gallery and disapproves of EVERYTHING I say or do, no matter if it's good or bad then I don't really care about BM's opinion. As far as SM calling or texting my DD? Eh, I don't think it would bother me.
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Definitely call her. As a sd, I noticed when I was with bm, my sm treated me differently. She wasn't nearly as involved. Now that I'm older and a sm myself, I understand, however; as a kid I thought she was mad at me or didn't like me anymore. It's so confusing for a step kid.

And to answer your question, dh has 50/50 but I did call him on his bday and made treats for his class.
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