Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Phone calls on birthdays/holidays....from the SP.

Posted by   + Show Post

If you're a SM, do you call your steps at the other parent's home and chat?  If you're the BM, would that bother you?


Background:

I am not in the habit of calling the SKIDS on my own on any kind of regular basis when they're at Mom's.  When we had them 50/50, I did talk them most days after school about dinner or schedules or where to pick them up, but those were more "business" talks.  

Now that we've moved and are NCP, I get to talk to them almost every day via Skype or Face Time when they're on with Dad but for the most part, I try to give him/them their space and privacy on those calls too.  I say hi, maybe we talk about something at school or here, but it's pretty brief.

Well, Dad went home to spend the holiday weekend with the kids and celebrate eldest SD's bday.  I was online early so I FB messaged her Happy Birthday.  But it was too early to call.  Then I got tied up with a bunch of other stuff.  Talked to DH a little bit ago after he dropped the kids off and was heading to the airport and he asked if I was planning to call SD to wish her Happy Birthday.

Honestly, I wasn't.  Not now that she's back at BM's.  I don't want to interrupt their dinner/bday stuff.  I kind of thought I'd skype/face time with them while Dad was with them, but like I said, I got tied up on the phone trying to handle some financial things and then spent 3 hours on the road trying to take care of stuff.  So it just never happened.

I think I WILL call SD.  Because it's her bday afterall.  I don't think she'd be sad if I didn't.  She's a big tough teenager and she and I don't have the closest relationship.  But it's her bday.

So.  If you're a SP, do you call the kids on your own?  If you're the BP, would it bother you if the SP called?  The last thing I want to do right now while so many things are kind of up in the air is disappoint the kiddo or piss of the momma.  





by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 6:12 PM
Replies (41-46):
MaebeBluth
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:24 PM
As a BM, in this situation I think it's fine for SM to give a quick call. Sounds like SD would appreciate and if BM doesn't like it she will hang up.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:29 PM
I text my skids on important days. New Years,ect. I also send them pictures once in a while of things. Shirts or things I think they might like. But it's like a couple times a month. I think skids would care if I forgot to text them on their b days. My Dh is 50/50 also.

As a BM? I wouldn't care if my ex's SO,text my dds. I'd probably laugh to myself but I wouldn't care. (She's slightly cray cray but she's nice to my dds which is what matters. )
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:31 PM
Oh,''my SS's have always had cell phones. So I guess it's easy. I wouldn't call BMs phone.

BM and I are civil and she knows I love the skids. She "says" she's fine w that and is happy they are happy. I also get them a gift. Always.

If Sm called my phone and I knew the number,I'd just hand it to my dds.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:45 PM
:( this makes me sad. I sometimes wonder if my SS's get like this. They have told my Dh long ago why didn't steamed do blank? I thought I was letting the parents be the "parents" and skids felt I was upset w them also. :/

Now I just do what I feel like doing. If I'm excited lets say at a game SS is in,I cheer. I don't care anymore. BM doesn't show up to much anyhow. I do watch out but I never want my skids to feel I'm mad at them. :/.


Quoting dallas4nu:

Definitely call her. As a sd, I noticed when I was with bm, my sm treated me differently. She wasn't nearly as involved. Now that I'm older and a sm myself, I understand, however; as a kid I thought she was mad at me or didn't like me anymore. It's so confusing for a step kid.



And to answer your question, dh has 50/50 but I did call him on his bday and made treats for his class.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LovingMy2x4
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:27 PM

I text with SD12 a lot. She usually will text me first though about a boy or something funny or just to say hi. I will text SS14 if I need and answer for something that cant wait, which isnt often. The younger 2 I dont talk to because they dont have cell phones. If SO is facetiming them, I will pop my head in and say hello quick, but thats all. SO talks to each kid every day.

If my bio-kids SM called to say hi, I think it would be a little strange. She would have to call my cell phone and their BD only calls like once every other week to say hi. I have had my DD call or text her to say thank you for certain things.

dallas4nu
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:34 PM
I think doing whatever feels right is a great thing to do. I think as sm's we tend to over think things. Bms reaction to be specific. And we forget that the kids react as well. It's not as if we are chopped liver whenever their not in our home lol they still love us - plus I doubt any kid would be upset with sm for calling to see how he is lol. Their not thinking, "wow sms really over stepping her bounds here" lol


Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

:( this makes me sad. I sometimes wonder if my SS's get like this. They have told my Dh long ago why didn't steamed do blank? I thought I was letting the parents be the "parents" and skids felt I was upset w them also. :/



Now I just do what I feel like doing. If I'm excited lets say at a game SS is in,I cheer. I don't care anymore. BM doesn't show up to much anyhow. I do watch out but I never want my skids to feel I'm mad at them. :/.




Quoting dallas4nu:

Definitely call her. As a sd, I noticed when I was with bm, my sm treated me differently. She wasn't nearly as involved. Now that I'm older and a sm myself, I understand, however; as a kid I thought she was mad at me or didn't like me anymore. It's so confusing for a step kid.





And to answer your question, dh has 50/50 but I did call him on his bday and made treats for his class.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured