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summer schedule - revisited

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:10 PM
  • 8 Replies

I posted about this topic awhile ago but the subject came up again and we came to somewhat of an agreement, but there are a few holes. BM hesitantly agreed to take the younger two kids during the day when DH and I are working but wants to put OSD in some sort of childcare during that time. The issue with that is that OSD is autistic and I do not know of any programs that is equipped to handle her that will not cost an arm and a leg and DH will only go for it if BM pays half, which she will not be able to afford. Also, BM wants me to pick up the kids right after I get home from work around 3:30 since I get off before DH. I don't really mind doing that most days but sometimes I would like a little time to myself after work. What do others do during the summer for childcare with older kids (9 and 11) or special needs kids when the parents are working in the day? Any ideas on how to make this work?

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:10 PM
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MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:21 PM

I have a DS9, SD10, and DD11. There is a morning program that our city runs during the summer. It's wonderful! It runs from 8 am to noon and feeds them breakfast and lunch. They do all sorts of activities in the morning and only costs $85 per kid for the whole summer. Does your town have something like that? It's put on by our city's parks and recreation department. Then from noon until we get off work, our kids are staying a couple of afternoons by themselves for a few hours until I get home (I literally work 2 minutes from our home). On the days they aren't going to be by themselves, they will be with grandparents.

I would tell BM that once a week, you will pick the kids up at 5 pm. That gives you some time to yourself. Are there any assistance programs for autistic children during the summer? I know in our city the school runs a program during the summertime.

Good luck!

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:29 PM
Can the autistic child go to summer school? Our public schools have free summer school for behind and/or special needs children and/or low income families. It seems weird that BM would only want two of her kids during the day. :(
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rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:48 PM

I'm not sure if our city has anything like that but I will look into it. The school does have some kind of summer childcare but I don't think they will be able to tak my OSD, she is high-functiong autistic but it's her behavior problems that make her difficult to handle. I will have to do some more research I guess, thanks for the ideas :)


Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:

I have a DS9, SD10, and DD11. There is a morning program that our city runs during the summer. It's wonderful! It runs from 8 am to noon and feeds them breakfast and lunch. They do all sorts of activities in the morning and only costs $85 per kid for the whole summer. Does your town have something like that? It's put on by our city's parks and recreation department. Then from noon until we get off work, our kids are staying a couple of afternoons by themselves for a few hours until I get home (I literally work 2 minutes from our home). On the days they aren't going to be by themselves, they will be with grandparents.

I would tell BM that once a week, you will pick the kids up at 5 pm. That gives you some time to yourself. Are there any assistance programs for autistic children during the summer? I know in our city the school runs a program during the summertime.

Good luck!



chasinrainbows
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:50 PM
Who is CP? How is the summer split? In both mine and DF's situation, whomever has the kids is responsible for childcare. If BM is doing y'all a favor (and I don't know if that's the case) by watching the kids when your husband is supposed to have them...then she can negotiate the terms.
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rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:56 PM

Possibly but the only problem is that the summer school our district has is referral-based and OSD is living out of state with BM this year so she is no longer enrolled in this district. BM is moving here in May so she will be back in our school district but it may be too late to get her into summer school. BM is honestly burnt out of OSD and has made it obvious that she wants her move back with us. The younger skids have been living with us so she misses them and they are also not has high-maintenence as OSD. However, BM's two skids will be with her for the summer too and her SD10 and my SD11 do not get along AT ALL, so I'm not even sure how well this arrangement will go anyway. That's why we agreed to take all 3 kids overnight (from about 3:30 pm to 8 am the next day) on weekdays and switch off on weekends. 


Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

Can the autistic child go to summer school? Our public schools have free summer school for behind and/or special needs children and/or low income families. It seems weird that BM would only want two of her kids during the day. :(



rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:11 PM


It's not that clear cut for us. Their arrangement is very flexible and there is no court order, they just negotiate the custody/visitation schedule and come to an agreement. Now that BM is moving things will change but we are not clear on what the arrangement will be. DH was custodial for all 3 kids for 3 years and then this past year OSD went to live with BM and the younger two skids remained with us. Dh and I agreed to be primary for OSD this summer but BM was wishy-washy about whether she wanted to take the younger two primarily since she will have her two skids as well. My idea was that since she is a SAHM she could take them all while DH and I work and we will take them overnight on weekdays and switch off on weekends, with some flexibility. BM kind of agreed to take the younger two during the day, but that's about it. I really think she wants it to be completely flexible where she can have the kids whenever it works for her and send them back when she wants too. I personally like to plan ahead so I am searching for childcare just in case but BM will very likely not be able to pay her half because neither her or her DH have jobs lined up here. Previously, whoever was custodial (mostly DH and I) would pay for eveything and no CS was exchanged but now that it will be closer to 50/50 or some kind of split custody then we are going to start splitting big expenses like childcare. 

Quoting chasinrainbows:

Who is CP? How is the summer split? In both mine and DF's situation, whomever has the kids is responsible for childcare. If BM is doing y'all a favor (and I don't know if that's the case) by watching the kids when your husband is supposed to have them...then she can negotiate the terms.



Lurion
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Dang, good luck! You just made me feel better about my own visitation problems. 

Let us know how it works out!!

Birdseed
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:33 PM

As far as OSD, I would recommend contacting your county's family services to see what options may be available.  Without full custody, some options may not be available at low to no cost, but at least you might find out what the options are.

With the other kids, I think that you might be able to line up some childcare for the summer even if you're home to buy you a little time at relatively low cost if you find that to be necessary.

I would greatly caution your DH on this deal however.  In many states, he will not get credit for any time or money spent outside of the CO when it comes to renegotiating.  So it might be wise, if he wants full custody, to consult an attorney and figure out how to work this.  If BM is truly wanting the kids to go to him full time, it would be better to pursue that legally (IMHO) now than later.

You may not have any leg to stand on legally with regards to splitting expenses if you don't get it down in writing with the court.  ANd even then, if Mom (or Dad) can't pay, they can't.  

I think that getting a case worker involved might be a good way to find resources.  

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