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Feeling "left out" long

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:59 PM
  • 13 Replies
I think BM2 does.

She is not close to her family. Her BM is dead, she is estranged from her BD and SM, she only really talks to her gramma regularly. She isn't close to her twin sister and doesn't see her full bio brother often.

SO has a large family. She was close to them. Unfortunately, their divorce was pretty dramatic and ugly and most of SO 's family wanted nothing more to do w her.

Awhile back, she talked to SO about her oldest son, who is not SO's bio son, but he raised him from a baby until 11. When they initially split, she didnt want SO to see him any more so there was really nothing for SO to say. Time we t by and things settled and became civil. She asked SO if he would still want a relationship w her son and of course he said yes. She let him start coming over w the skids. Of course sometimes she says no and SO just says ok, he has no rights, we leave it up to her.

Well. Lately there has been A LOT of family parties w SO's extended family. Ex ss came to a few. Then she found out that SO's other BM (BM1) had been at one (because it was for HER daughters babies b day party) and was put out that BM1 was allowed over. (Dynamics are TOTALLY different there, BM1 and BM2 NEVER got along and I have never had any issue w BM1, by the time I came along 2 of their kids were grown, and SO had custody of their youngest and was letting her see sd. BM1 was not over SO when BM2 came along and was mad about that, and they were in and put of court over the older kids and BM2 would involve herself in their drama, and when SO initially got custody of sd, he wouldn't let BM1 come around because she was on drugs. BM1 is clean and I've never had any issues w her. BM2 was still in court w SO early in our relationship and dramatic w him which made me stay the hell away from her. I stay out of their business as much as I can. Sorry for long aside)

Then BM found out about my baby shower and wanted to come, but SO told her that was kinda inappropriate.

Now she has been sending her son over less. He wants to come. I think she feels left out. I feel bad for her. But we don't talk. I have softened toward her a lot but really we don't talk other than hi and bye.

I know she can do whatever she wants w her kid. I just don't know what to do or think.
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:11 PM
It has always been weird for me when dh's family invited bm to family get togethers. I don't mind if the get together is for SD, such as a birthday. But when it is not centered around the child, it's just weird to me and uncomfortable. We got married at the beach so his family held a "reception" for us. His bm and sm were mad that he told them that bm couldn't come. Their argument was that SD wouldn't be there because it was bm's weekend. His argument was it wasn't about SD. We got married not her.

As far as your baby shower, I see your so's opinion that it would be inappropriate for bm to attend. But if u are comfortable with it then it would be OK.
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krazykiddles
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:16 PM

Life is cruel.  She divorced her ex that sadly includes his family.  I feel bad for the kid, hug him tighter when you do see him.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:02 AM
I don't really want her at my baby shower, and when I found out she wanted to go it weirded me out. She really is sort of weird and has no boundaries though. I've accepted that. I am not discluding her to hurt her though.
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IntactivistMama
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:19 AM
When the ex ss gets old enough, he can go where he chooses, take a bus or get a driver's license etc.

How old is ex ss?
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:23 AM

 he is 14. he gets along well w my sons too.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:33 AM

I know a woman in a similar situation.  ExH's family is large and close and does a lot together.  Her family is small and not very close in proximity.  Post divorce, she will still show up at family get togethers with the kids (who are invited) and stay.  It makes everyone uncomfortable (including her Ex's now wife) but no one wants to make a scene and ask her to leave.  For the kids' sake, they usually just let it slide.

From the little I know of the situation, I think that she's never been well liked by her exH's family but it's not because she hasn't tried really hard.  Some people just don't click.  But I think everyone does feel a bit sorry for her.

If YOU and SO are comfortable including her in some things on a limited basis (perhaps a night out for dinner with this boy) or dinner after a game or concert, maybe that would be nice.

As someone who doesn't have family nearby myself, I have been really thankful for the opportunity to hang out with other peoples' families for stuff like holidays.  If you like her and you want to, do.  If not, don't.  She isn't your responsibility.


saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:42 AM
When you feel this way. Think of the movie The Cable Guy.

I'm awful...I know. But, its true!


Quoting faerie75:

I don't really want her at my baby shower, and when I found out she wanted to go it weirded me out. She really is sort of weird and has no boundaries though. I've accepted that. I am not discluding her to hurt her though.

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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:46 AM

 i really used to dislike her because of her past shenanigans. and she is not very trustworthy. but i do feel bad for her. his family DID love her but she really showed her ass during the divorce, she was unfaithful and SO left... not the first time because he wanted to try to keep their family together but after the SECOND time w the SAME guy... who was also and still is married. then she basically wanted him to disappear and not see their children anymore at all and pulled all the stops trying to not let him see his kids at all. this really did not impress his family.

thats the past and she is generally civil and nice now. once in awhile SO and her disagree over something but its sort of like bickering brother and siuster now, and harmless. i personally have been put off w her oversharing but ive accepted it now. but SO and i have watched her dating mistakes and shes mostly alone and i feel bad for her. sometime in the future maybe i would be ok w her hanging around more but it would be awkward right now.. we dont talk.. and his family really dislikes her (meaning his adult nieces and sister) they would probably leave if she showed up. she burned a lot of bridges w her anger during the divorce and custody.

 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 haha omg i hated jim carey in that movie!!!

i definitely have my walls up w her but i can be kind to her too.

Quoting saywhat2102:

When you feel this way. Think of the movie The Cable Guy.

I'm awful...I know. But, its true!


Quoting faerie75:

I don't really want her at my baby shower, and when I found out she wanted to go it weirded me out. She really is sort of weird and has no boundaries though. I've accepted that. I am not discluding her to hurt her though.

 

 
        
         

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:51 AM
Creepy shit right?! Lol :-D

I'm sure you know how to be friendly without being friends. Some people just are those types if you give an inch they that mile.






Quoting faerie75:

 haha omg i hated jim carey in that movie!!!


i definitely have my walls up w her but i can be kind to her too.


Quoting saywhat2102:

When you feel this way. Think of the movie The Cable Guy.

I'm awful...I know. But, its true!



Quoting faerie75:

I don't really want her at my baby shower, and when I found out she wanted to go it weirded me out. She really is sort of weird and has no boundaries though. I've accepted that. I am not discluding her to hurt her though.


 


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