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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

This is a vent, a mostly irrational vent. I'm just throwing that out there.

It's very annoying to me how much information BM and BM's mom seem to have, and get, about my bio-kids and my family. SD is a talker, so I don't know how much of it is just information SD wants to share with them, or how much is being asked for her to give, you know?

She came home tonight from her weekend visit with BM full of stories about what she did with grandma. One story was all about how grandma asked this, and then grandma asked that, etc. We got a dog for DD6, his current title is an emotional support dog, he's being trained to be certified as a therapy dog, and will eventually be trained as a service dog to help with her anxiety and Autism-like behaviors. Anyways, SD told me how she was telling grandma about it and grandma said, "But I thought you could have dogs at your apartment complex?" I have NO idea how grandma knew that, other than she or BM could have done some research about where we live. So, SD tells me how she explained to grandma about DD6 and needing a therapy dog. Then SD says, "Then grandma asked WHY DD needs a therapy dog, so I told her about how DD might have Autism and has ADHD and takes medication and everything. And then grandma asked what medication DD was on, but I couldn't remember the name."

I don't want to tell SD to keep things from BM or grandma, I think it's wrong to encourage children to keep secrets from adults (with the exception of presents or surprise parties, etc). But, I also don't want BM and specifically grandma (who I think may be considering trying to get custody as she's previously asked, and then demanded BM sign over custody to her) using SD as a way to get information about my other children. Anything related to SD or anything that could possibly concern SD is shared with BM, what she chooses to share with grandma (BM's mom) is up to her).

I just smiled and told SD that it sounded like she had a really good time, but it was late and time to get ready for bed. Obviously I have no control over what BM and/or grandma ask SD, but I don't feel comfortable telling SD that she shouldn't/isn't allowed to talk about her siblings or other family members or anything when she's with BM and grandma. Her life with us is her life, and it would be wrong to tell her she can't dicuss that with the rest of her family members. I don't think there's a real solution here... It's just very frustrating that they seem to be digging for information about my other children.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:40 AM
Replies (21-30):
andie646c
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:06 PM

You can get a service dog for ADHD? What does that service dog do for the child?


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:40 PM

DD6 is currently diagnosed with: ADHD, ODD, SPD, and severe anxiety, mostly in social situations. Technically the dog's official title at this point is an emotional support dog. Once we go through all of the obedience training he'll take the canine good citizenship test. Once he passes that he can be a certified therapy dog, which is just a fancy way of saying he shows absolutely NO aggression and is very well trained. After that we can work towards getting him trained as a service dog to respond to DD's anxiety and sensory issues. Technically the dog being trained to respond to sensory issues doesn't qualify it as a service dog, but the anxiety issues do.

The dog is being trained to be DDs dog, she'll be going to obedience classes and everything with me. So far it's helping having the dog to snuggle with. He lays on the couch with her after school and snuggles. The weight of him is comforting to her, and the feel of his coat is comforting. He also helps her fall asleep at night, and stay asleep (which are HUGE issues).

When she gets her official Autism diagnosis (both her pediatrician and I feel that it is Autism, but without a referral to a specialist, we can't get the official diagnosis, at this point it's Autism-like behavior), the dog will become a service dog. He'll help locate her if she wonders off, he'll help keep her calm and stress free out in public. 


Quoting andie646c:

You can get a service dog for ADHD? What does that service dog do for the child?




andie646c
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:55 PM

That is pretty awesome. Good luck with the dog, sounds like it will be good for your DD.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

DD6 is currently diagnosed with: ADHD, ODD, SPD, and severe anxiety, mostly in social situations. Technically the dog's official title at this point is an emotional support dog. Once we go through all of the obedience training he'll take the canine good citizenship test. Once he passes that he can be a certified therapy dog, which is just a fancy way of saying he shows absolutely NO aggression and is very well trained. After that we can work towards getting him trained as a service dog to respond to DD's anxiety and sensory issues. Technically the dog being trained to respond to sensory issues doesn't qualify it as a service dog, but the anxiety issues do.

The dog is being trained to be DDs dog, she'll be going to obedience classes and everything with me. So far it's helping having the dog to snuggle with. He lays on the couch with her after school and snuggles. The weight of him is comforting to her, and the feel of his coat is comforting. He also helps her fall asleep at night, and stay asleep (which are HUGE issues).

When she gets her official Autism diagnosis (both her pediatrician and I feel that it is Autism, but without a referral to a specialist, we can't get the official diagnosis, at this point it's Autism-like behavior), the dog will become a service dog. He'll help locate her if she wonders off, he'll help keep her calm and stress free out in public. 


Quoting andie646c:

You can get a service dog for ADHD? What does that service dog do for the child?






packermomof2
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:13 PM



Quoting kkkaaayyyy:

It is horrible when you cannot have a convo without worrying about who is going to take it elseware in your own home.


I have a kid with no filter. So I don't have conversations about things I don't want others to know in front of him. Best way to prevent him from telling others what is going on.


"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:30 PM

Thanks! So far he's made a pretty good difference in behavior issues, and that is REALLY exciting!


Quoting andie646c:

That is pretty awesome. Good luck with the dog, sounds like it will be good for your DD.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

DD6 is currently diagnosed with: ADHD, ODD, SPD, and severe anxiety, mostly in social situations. Technically the dog's official title at this point is an emotional support dog. Once we go through all of the obedience training he'll take the canine good citizenship test. Once he passes that he can be a certified therapy dog, which is just a fancy way of saying he shows absolutely NO aggression and is very well trained. After that we can work towards getting him trained as a service dog to respond to DD's anxiety and sensory issues. Technically the dog being trained to respond to sensory issues doesn't qualify it as a service dog, but the anxiety issues do.

The dog is being trained to be DDs dog, she'll be going to obedience classes and everything with me. So far it's helping having the dog to snuggle with. He lays on the couch with her after school and snuggles. The weight of him is comforting to her, and the feel of his coat is comforting. He also helps her fall asleep at night, and stay asleep (which are HUGE issues).

When she gets her official Autism diagnosis (both her pediatrician and I feel that it is Autism, but without a referral to a specialist, we can't get the official diagnosis, at this point it's Autism-like behavior), the dog will become a service dog. He'll help locate her if she wonders off, he'll help keep her calm and stress free out in public. 


Quoting andie646c:

You can get a service dog for ADHD? What does that service dog do for the child?








Dana333810
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:39 AM

 Back in the day BM used to try to pump SS for info about what went on in our house when DH was fighting for 50/50. Thankfully SS has always had a mind of his own, and he pretty well ignored her nosiness lol.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:50 AM
This
Watch what you're talking around SD, then you don't have to be worry about GM knowing your privite business.


Quoting pepper504:

I would just be more private with conversations with others when SD is around.  My SIL tells BM everything that I say.  That being said, I watch what I say around my inlaws. 


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ghwannabe
by Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:23 AM
Good for you. Did the probing stop?

Quoting Tigress22304:

Bm tried that once with sd11.

The next time BM dropped SD off-I told BM in front of DH and the skids-what goes on with my daughter is MY concern-not yours. Worry about your kids-leave my daughter to me. Stop interrogating about what goes on with my child. She's nothing to you-therefore Mind your business.

And we explained to the kids about sharing info just to talk-and them being asked 20 questions because BM's nosy

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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:38 AM

FWIW, the therapy/service dog thing as it pertains to anxiety and PTSD is becoming more and more common these days.  It's not that hard to do.  My girlfriend trained her dog and did all of the certification such that she can take her dog everywhere with her for PTSD.  She's also figured out how to seizure alert which is great.  

I have another friend in CO who got her dog certified as well.  For people/kids with severe anxiety or other mental health issues, a furry companion who can accompany them is so helpful. Plus, the process of training and caring for the critter tends to help ground some folks.

Good luck w/ the dog!

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM


Quoting ghwannabe:

Good for you. Did the probing stop?

Quoting Tigress22304:

Bm tried that once with sd11.

The next time BM dropped SD off-I told BM in front of DH and the skids-what goes on with my daughter is MY concern-not yours. Worry about your kids-leave my daughter to me. Stop interrogating about what goes on with my child. She's nothing to you-therefore Mind your business.

And we explained to the kids about sharing info just to talk-and them being asked 20 questions because BM's nosy

pretty much-she tried a few times since then-wasn't sure if it's her being nosy or just making conversation-she thinks because her sister's boyfriend's son has Asbergers-she knows everything about the Autism Spectrum-tries to talk to me about DD8's therapies and whatnot-and really she's got no clue as to what she's talking about.

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