This is a vent, a mostly irrational vent. I'm just throwing that out there.
It's very annoying to me how much information BM and BM's mom seem to have, and get, about my bio-kids and my family. SD is a talker, so I don't know how much of it is just information SD wants to share with them, or how much is being asked for her to give, you know?
She came home tonight from her weekend visit with BM full of stories about what she did with grandma. One story was all about how grandma asked this, and then grandma asked that, etc. We got a dog for DD6, his current title is an emotional support dog, he's being trained to be certified as a therapy dog, and will eventually be trained as a service dog to help with her anxiety and Autism-like behaviors. Anyways, SD told me how she was telling grandma about it and grandma said, "But I thought you could have dogs at your apartment complex?" I have NO idea how grandma knew that, other than she or BM could have done some research about where we live. So, SD tells me how she explained to grandma about DD6 and needing a therapy dog. Then SD says, "Then grandma asked WHY DD needs a therapy dog, so I told her about how DD might have Autism and has ADHD and takes medication and everything. And then grandma asked what medication DD was on, but I couldn't remember the name."
I don't want to tell SD to keep things from BM or grandma, I think it's wrong to encourage children to keep secrets from adults (with the exception of presents or surprise parties, etc). But, I also don't want BM and specifically grandma (who I think may be considering trying to get custody as she's previously asked, and then demanded BM sign over custody to her) using SD as a way to get information about my other children. Anything related to SD or anything that could possibly concern SD is shared with BM, what she chooses to share with grandma (BM's mom) is up to her).
I just smiled and told SD that it sounded like she had a really good time, but it was late and time to get ready for bed. Obviously I have no control over what BM and/or grandma ask SD, but I don't feel comfortable telling SD that she shouldn't/isn't allowed to talk about her siblings or other family members or anything when she's with BM and grandma. Her life with us is her life, and it would be wrong to tell her she can't dicuss that with the rest of her family members. I don't think there's a real solution here... It's just very frustrating that they seem to be digging for information about my other children.