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Am I overreacting?

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:18 AM
  • 35 Replies

I consider myself very lucky. I'm back at work after a heavenly 12-week maternity leave and my mother-in-law is staying at my house during the day to watch the baby.

I trust her. But yesterday she mentioned something to me that made me pause.

My 13yr old SS who is diagnosed with ADD, gets home at 2:45. At 4, my mother in law has to head out around the block to get my 6 year old off the bus.

When I was off on maternity leave, I'd put the baby in her stroller and we'd head to the bus stop.

Apparently, she's decided that she's ok with leaving my 3 month old at home with the 13-year-old SS while she does this.

It's not sitting well with me. She' gone for probably 15 minutes, 20 minutes tops. But still. It bugs me!! Should I say something?

He's generally very good with the baby, but he doesn't exactly have a stellar track record with behavior.

 

 

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:20 AM
3 moms liked this

I see nothing wrong with asking if she would take the baby with her.

Just make sure your approach isn't ungrateful sounding or bitchy ya know?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I would probably leave my baby with a 13yo for 20 minutes. What is it that makes you uncomfortable about this?


Dana333810
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:52 AM

 Personally for me, it would depend on their maturity level.....

Quoting whatIknownow:

I would probably leave my baby with a 13yo for 20 minutes. What is it that makes you uncomfortable about this?

 

 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:53 AM
2 moms liked this

No, you're not overreacting.  If your mommy instinct says "danger", then listen to it.  Don't feel guilty. 

I'm not comfortable in general with the idea of adolescent boys watching babies or small children, even if there isn't ADD/ADHD and problem behaviors associated with a delayed social development.  I'm not anti-boy at all.  Having had two older brothers and just the difference between the average 13yo girl's maturity level and instinct toward small children vs. less attention to detail and more active, risk-taking nature of the average 13yo boy... I just don't think it's necessarily wise.  But that's JMO, subject to change based on the specific teenager in question.  Your MIL may be a little more comfortable with your SS's behavior and challenges, but you live with him daily.  If your're not comfortable or have doubts, speak up.

MommaLaura
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:54 AM
If your uncomfortable I think you should definitely say something. Does your stepson mind watching baby?
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flora367
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:04 AM

I guess what bothers me about it is his maturity level. He adores her, but we have had to talk with him about doing things like, tossing her in the air. He's a small kid, and he struggles when he carries her. He tends to be pretty impulsive without thinking about consequences.

If she was in  her bassinet and he left her lay there, I'd be ok with it. But I don't like that he picks her up and traipses around with her with no adult supervision.

I told the SS's  father (also father of our baby) without inserting my opinion on the matter and he to my surprise said, "hey. I don't like my mom doing that."  So, he wasn't a fan of leaving the baby with the SS either.

The dad is hesitant to say anything because he doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings. We can certainly tell the SS that he needs to let her lay in the bassinet and not to pick her up and carry her around, but I have my doubts that he'd listen.

I don't know what my deal is. For some reason, my 'danger' instinct perked up. It's BUGGING me.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this


Here is what I am reacting to:  your DH not having the balls to talk to his mother about the safety of his son.

that is what he should be doing.  Not trying to half ass fix the situation by talking to the child you are worried about with impulse issues.  So he doesn't worry about hurting his son's feelings?

if the two of you think it is a problem, talk to mom.  She did nothing wrong except not truly understand the situation with her other grandson.

Quoting flora367:

I guess what bothers me about it is his maturity level. He adores her, but we have had to talk with him about doing things like, tossing her in the air. He's a small kid, and he struggles when he carries her. He tends to be pretty impulsive without thinking about consequences.

If she was in  her bassinet and he left her lay there, I'd be ok with it. But I don't like that he picks her up and traipses around with her with no adult supervision.

I told the SS's  father (also father of our baby) without inserting my opinion on the matter and he to my surprise said, "hey. I don't like my mom doing that."  So, he wasn't a fan of leaving the baby with the SS either.

The dad is hesitant to say anything because he doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings. We can certainly tell the SS that he needs to let her lay in the bassinet and not to pick her up and carry her around, but I have my doubts that he'd listen.

I don't know what my deal is. For some reason, my 'danger' instinct perked up. It's BUGGING me.



pepper504
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:21 AM

Mother in law should know how SS13 is, right?  I would make a suggestion to her that you would prefer that she take the baby with her to pick up the 6 year old instead of leaving her with SS without adult supervision. If she asks why, then give her the examples that you have relayed here.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting flora367:

I guess what bothers me about it is his maturity level. He adores her, but we have had to talk with him about doing things like, tossing her in the air. He's a small kid, and he struggles when he carries her. He tends to be pretty impulsive without thinking about consequences.

If she was in  her bassinet and he left her lay there, I'd be ok with it. But I don't like that he picks her up and traipses around with her with no adult supervision.

I told the SS's  father (also father of our baby) without inserting my opinion on the matter and he to my surprise said, "hey. I don't like my mom doing that."  So, he wasn't a fan of leaving the baby with the SS either.

The dad is hesitant to say anything because he doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings. We can certainly tell the SS that he needs to let her lay in the bassinet and not to pick her up and carry her around, but I have my doubts that he'd listen.

I don't know what my deal is. For some reason, my 'danger' instinct perked up. It's BUGGING me.

Well then I think I would have your DH mention it to MIL instead of you. I firmly believe that a SM should always take the good cop role and leave the bad cop role to DH whenever it is possible.


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:59 AM
2 moms liked this

I think your DH should say "Hey Mom, we really appreciate that you're able to take care of baby.  Huge help!  How's it going for you?  yada yada."  Then say, "We don't leave baby alone with SS  yet due to some of the impusle control concerns.  Can you please be sure to keep a close eye on that?"

I mean, when I was 13, I had been babysitting little kids/infants for a couple of years already.  But not every 13YO is good to go there.  You might consider enrolling SS13 in the Red Cross Babysitting Course.  Just so he has an idea of infant/child CPR, first aid, general safety.  Great class.  I took it as a kid, my SDs have both taken it and there were boys in the class too.  Maybe the whole situation could be easily resolved (and you could have a built in helper!) if you get him into the course and he is taught some appropriate techniques.  Might do wonders for his focus and esteem!  

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