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Kids witnessing domestic abuse...

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:09 AM
  • 8 Replies

My friend is in a tough spot. Her children's father is with an abusive woman. Her daughter (4 yrs old) has come home talking about seeing the dad's girlfriend slapping and choking him and how she yells at him all the time. The 4 year old has asked BM if her daddy is a piece of shit like the gf says... =( .. and this morning BM had court with BF for child support and said he showed up with scratches and hand prints on his neck but wouldn't even talk to her about what happened to cause them.

She is concerned for her children to have to witness the fighting. Is there anything she can do to keep her children away from that situation, or request that the gf not be present during visitation even though there aren't any police records since the BF won't admit the issues?

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:09 AM
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Replies (1-8):
DDDaysh
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:23 PM

 I'm really not sure.  If it is bothering her child, maybe she could talk to a therapist about it and see what their advice is.  This is such a touchy subject. 

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:27 PM
Check state laws. In some states, if the child is traumatized by witnessing domestic abuse, custody is automatically reversed. We dealt with this when SD lived in RI and BM tried to keep it hidden from DH.
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Without proof there is nothing you can do.  SF is that way with BM.  Between his abusive behavior and her drinking DH's CO says that visitation is optional.

DH knew it was happening for almost 3 years and there was nothing he could do until he had proof.  It was hell.

Annawest
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:30 PM

If I were in this situation, I would call CPS.  I would also contact my lawyer to see what else can be legally done to keep my child out of that situation.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:30 PM

I'm not an attorney.  But I think that your friend's best course of action would be to contact CPS/DHS or whatever the agency is in her area for the protection of children if talking to her ex isn't going to work.

kmur
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:34 PM

my es was abusive, and on one instance my dd saw what hppn, when the police if she was there during this instance , i said no the neighbor took her to her house( i was scared ) . The police told me that if she would hv been there that cps would hv been called and i might hv also been charged with failure to protect my child, so I do believe if there is abuse, you DONT hv to send her there but im sure each state is different, call the police in your county and ask them, just do it as an anonymous caller....GFOOD LUCK

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:35 PM
I would consult DHS or an attorney. We've had a similar situation in that BMs DH has hit her in front of SS11 and their 3 kids. Nothing can be done legally cause BM refuses to press charges so its all hearsay, though I believe she doesn't so she can keep going back to him as she has been told if she does press charges and goes back the kids will be removed. Its sad.
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tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:44 PM

I am a survivor of Domestic violence.  I had children witness the stuff.  Children between the ages of 4& 5 is the most absorbing of how they will learn to relate to others.    Laws in our state are if there is proof of domestic violence in the home they can lose custody.  The child doesnt have to witness.   Men more than women will cover up than to report domestic violence.. its more embarressing for a man to say a woman is hurting me.   From the aftermath of PTSD with my son and years of counseling your friend needs to take whatever steps possible to protect her young child from this.  She can get a list of all calls made to the home by going through the freedom of information act.  Its a start.  A counselor is the next step.  They usually do just play therapy but learn alot from a child.   My (childs) Therapist was supeonaed to court.  They really are helpful in protecting children.    

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