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What's so awful about being a disney dad?

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:44 AM
  • 39 Replies
1 mom liked this
If your spouse only has 4 days a month (eowe) wouldnt he want to make he best of it? But then he's condemned for not really being a real parent.

Then if he tries to discipline and enforce his houses rules then he's condemed for expected too much from the kid who only visits dads home.....

If dh only gets EOWE I'm 90% sure he'll be a disney dad. And I'm A Okay with that.
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by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pepper504
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, I have to say, who cares what the OP thinks?  They are no longer together for a reason, right?  It all comes down to the child being happy, IMO.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:03 PM

It's only a problem if the kids are getting a vacation from basic manners and common courtesy.

BM of my SKs is a Disney mom.  She gets 4 days per month, so she seeks out to enjoy them.  No biggie.  They'd be in for a rude awakening if they thought those days represented "real life", but I think they pretty much realize it doesn't.  She's been having them just hang out around the house more and more as time passes, so I think the constant going and doing has sort of run its course anyway.  The problems she had as Disney mom and being friend vs. parent was allowing them to walk all over her.  She was too afraid of being disliked to hold them accountable for the way they spoke or acted toward her.  That's a huge thing.  By the time she would finally have enough and snap, they didn't get why their normal behavior toward her was suddently unacceptable.  And then they did come home angry at BM.  That problem resolved itself as she learned to put her foot down early and hold them a higher standard of behavior.  She still doesn't ask them to do chores or whatnot, and why should she?

DDDaysh
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:10 PM
3 moms liked this
Just because a parent has a child sleep in their home only 4 days a month does not mean that is the only time they could BE a parent. There are tons of things you can do to parent when the child does not sleep in your home.

Phone calls, attending appointments and school functions, volunteering at activities, watching or coaching EC's and many other things can keep a NCP involved in real parenting.

A Disney dad is better than a checked out dad, but using NCP status to excuse not taking an active part in parenting your children is just a stupid lazy excuse.
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feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:29 PM
And yet here anyway more and more ncp are being ripped a new one for having expectations for the skids when they are at ncp's house because the child is only there 4 days a month. Im not talking about not being an active parent Im talking about chores and routine that everyone else has the other 20 whatever days a month.


Quoting DDDaysh:

Just because a parent has a child sleep in their home only 4 days a month does not mean that is the only time they could BE a parent. There are tons of things you can do to parent when the child does not sleep in your home.



Phone calls, attending appointments and school functions, volunteering at activities, watching or coaching EC's and many other things can keep a NCP involved in real parenting.



A Disney dad is better than a checked out dad, but using NCP status to excuse not taking an active part in parenting your children is just a stupid lazy excuse.

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DDDaysh
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:35 PM
But being a Disney dad is about non-involvement.

Besides, there is a huge difference between being involved with your children, setting expectations for their lives, parenting them by teaching them and molding their world view and having them spend all weekend doing chores.

In fact, the ones who seem to have the most trouble are those that aren't regularly involved but think making the kids do dishes and eat their veggies 4 days a month is "real parenting".


Quoting feliciasmith:

And yet here anyway more and more ncp are being ripped a new one for having expectations for the skids when they are at ncp's house because the child is only there 4 days a month. Im not talking about not being an active parent Im talking about chores and routine that everyone else has the other 20 whatever days a month.




Quoting DDDaysh:

Just because a parent has a child sleep in their home only 4 days a month does not mean that is the only time they could BE a parent. There are tons of things you can do to parent when the child does not sleep in your home.





Phone calls, attending appointments and school functions, volunteering at activities, watching or coaching EC's and many other things can keep a NCP involved in real parenting.





A Disney dad is better than a checked out dad, but using NCP status to excuse not taking an active part in parenting your children is just a stupid lazy excuse.

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feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:52 PM
My understanding of a disney dad is one that just plans fun things on their weekends with the kid(s) like movie nights, roller skating, etc. One that just fills his time up with activites

Is that wrong?


Quoting DDDaysh:

But being a Disney dad is about non-involvement.



Besides, there is a huge difference between being involved with your children, setting expectations for their lives, parenting them by teaching them and molding their world view and having them spend all weekend doing chores.



In fact, the ones who seem to have the most trouble are those that aren't regularly involved but think making the kids do dishes and eat their veggies 4 days a month is "real parenting".




Quoting feliciasmith:

And yet here anyway more and more ncp are being ripped a new one for having expectations for the skids when they are at ncp's house because the child is only there 4 days a month. Im not talking about not being an active parent Im talking about chores and routine that everyone else has the other 20 whatever days a month.






Quoting DDDaysh:

Just because a parent has a child sleep in their home only 4 days a month does not mean that is the only time they could BE a parent. There are tons of things you can do to parent when the child does not sleep in your home.







Phone calls, attending appointments and school functions, volunteering at activities, watching or coaching EC's and many other things can keep a NCP involved in real parenting.







A Disney dad is better than a checked out dad, but using NCP status to excuse not taking an active part in parenting your children is just a stupid lazy excuse.


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feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:56 PM
I didnt even think of that factor honestly haha

My dh is so strict one second then he's rolling on the floor with him the next, fil is the same way. Fil works overseas so when he visits on his annual vaca he will have a serious talk with dh about how dh needs to open a retirement fund or we'll be doomed then ask who wants to go to dairy queen lol


Quoting Derdriu:

It's only a problem if the kids are getting a vacation from basic manners and common courtesy.


BM of my SKs is a Disney mom.  She gets 4 days per month, so she seeks out to enjoy them.  No biggie.  They'd be in for a rude awakening if they thought those days represented "real life", but I think they pretty much realize it doesn't.  She's been having them just hang out around the house more and more as time passes, so I think the constant going and doing has sort of run its course anyway.  The problems she had as Disney mom and being friend vs. parent was allowing them to walk all over her.  She was too afraid of being disliked to hold them accountable for the way they spoke or acted toward her.  That's a huge thing.  By the time she would finally have enough and snap, they didn't get why their normal behavior toward her was suddently unacceptable.  And then they did come home angry at BM.  That problem resolved itself as she learned to put her foot down early and hold them a higher standard of behavior.  She still doesn't ask them to do chores or whatnot, and why should she?


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feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:04 PM
Exactly my thinking too! Bm's new kick is that dh only wants "the fun parts" but then complains that dh is trying to take her baby when dh asks for more time. I dont think she knows what she wants lol


Quoting Nature_girl:

 I wish my sons bio father was a disney dad. He sees him 2 days out of the month and at 9 years old, my son no longer wants to go there. I make him and encourage him. But all that happens while there is video games are played and ds is ignored. He would love to do something withhis father. Anything. But they don't even play video games together because bf wants to play M rated ones and ds cant' even be in the room.


If you have the kid 50% of the time it is a different story of course. But I say, if you only see your kid a few days a month, make the most of ti. Of course don't let the kid be a disrespectful ass...but that shoudl go without saying.


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FloridaMomma
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:10 PM
As long as dad makes sure HW gets done on his weekends then he's welcome to be a Disneyland dad.
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Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:13 PM
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 To be completely honest, if I only saw my kids every other weekend, I would want to spend that time doing fun things with them. Whether I'm going out and spending a ton of money on them or just kicking back at home and watching tv or playing games. If that would make me a bad parent or not a real parent, so be it. Such little time together should be cherished.

Hell, I have both my kids full time and I seek to cherish/enjoy every moment I have with them as often/much as possible. Yes, I still have to be the one who disciplines them, lays down the rules and enforces said rules, but I prefer and try hard to make the good times as awesome as possible. What parent doesn't?

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